These Lullabies
by BeccaRawrsATL
Summary: 16 year old Remy is used to being let down and being lost in the crowd. But what happens when a certain boy takes a liking to her and gives her more attention then she would ever imagine? Did Remy find her first love? BTR before the band. No LA. No Fame.
1. Chapter 1

We all have mostly an average life, but some like to think that their lives are anything but average. That one day you will walk into school and see the beautiful new guy sitting at your table in Biology, then everything goes downhill from that. Most of the time, this is when the supernatural gets involved. Take Bella and Edward for example. Or Emma and Galen. Or Amelia and Josh. But since vampires arent real (Believe me, they're not), and mermaids dont exist either, people just dont know what a manatee is. And I dont think the ghost part of the afterlife is as detailed as Tara Hudson makes it out to be. But most of these characters lives changed after they turned the age of 16. I liked to think that when I reached my junior year of high school that my life would change forever. That some gorgeous, perfect guy would sweep me off my feet and we'd runaway forever. But also, this is coming from the girl who had nothing else to count on but her dreams, which will break her heart, like my father did when I was 6 when he left both me and my mom.  
I liked to sit and daydream, that one day my life would get better. That my mom wont be stressed when she comes home for a few hours and we would go shopping or bake cookies and watch soap operas rather than her sleeping and me waking up to leave for school.  
My mom never hired a baby sitter considering she couldnt afford one, so she would work all day and make sure she was off in time to get me from school. But as soon as I was old enough to stay home alone without killing myself or blowing up the house, my mom got two jobs.  
So on the nights when I was alone, had no friends to talk to, I would sit on my bed and dream about the day I turned 16. I would have a big party and invite my whole school. I would have pictures of me and my friends goofing off as everyone watched us. It was my dream birthday. It would be the birthday when it wouldnt just be me and my mom, sitting at the dining room table eating a cake she baked and receiving a gift that would cost us our meals for the next week. But my perfect sweet sixteen party changed two years ago when I got into high school.  
I knew that I wasnt going have many friends, for some reason people didnt like me like that. I wasnt hated or anything or picked on, or antisocial. People were, and still are, nice to me. Some say hi to me when im passing them in the halls at school and some friendly hands come and help when Ive accidentally dropped everything and papers go flying everywhere. But that doesnt happen often. I have acquaintances, just not friends that I could sit and tell my deepest secrets too. Some girls though will invite me out with their friends after school, mostly this is followed after a conversation after we bump into each other. I do agree, im not shy, we usually go to a coffee shop or Dunkin Donuts, and just talk. Its not awkward, not really, they dont exclude me or treat me like I was invited as a generous offer, hoping I would have had turned it down.  
But I didnt care if I had no true friends or that boys never ask me out. Thats why the summer I turned fourteen I decided I wanted to go to France for the big sixteen. I told my mom and she said she would do the best she could. But at that moment is when for some reason, the financial problems really stuck to me. I got a job at a local skate shop that sells punky clothes and accessories for boys and girls plus stuff for skateboards. We do sell skateboards, but they're not kept in stock, you have to order them. I got the job when I was 15, which I am thankful for. I forgot all about my super sixteen and focused on reality, on the present. I helped my mom out with the bills and instead of putting my paychecks towards France, I put it into a jar labeled COLLEGE on my desk. I rather give myself a better life in the future. Get a career so I never have to live the way I did,never let my kids grow up the way I did. If my husband left us, so what? I could easily hire a nanny or maybe hopefully, I would have a friend I could trust. I could always have my mom help too.  
So was I disappointed while most girls got huge birthday parties and cars for their sweet sixteens and I got a cake from Walmart and a hand knit sweater my mom made miraculously in her time? A bit. But it was my life. Nothing I could do about it.

My alarm screeched out the next morning, jerking me from my dream. I rolled over quickly and smashed my hand on top of it, silencing it before it woke mom up. I heard the shuffling of foot steps downstairs and the clattering of dishes, and I knew then that my mom was already up. I sighed as I threw the covers off of me and swung my feet off my bed. The carpet fell beneath my feet as I padded to my window, leaving the warmth of my bed. I parted my curtains and let the sun shine in. Through the warmth of the sun, I could feel the coolness coming off the glass of the window.  
I got dressed- skinny jeans, light blue long sleeve shirt paired with a black vest, black Converse- and went down stairs. The smell of muffins wafted in the air. When I walked into the kitchen, I saw my mother, in grey sweats with her hair in a low ponytail, bending over taking a muffin pan out of the oven.  
"Good morning," Mom said as I entered. Bags lined the bottom lids of her eyes. Wrinkles creased on her forehead from working hard. She put the pan on top of the stove next to an identical pan already filled with muffins that had been cooling. She tossed off her oven mit and turned the knob on the banner of plastic above the stove to turn off the oven. It made a click as the orange dot disappeared.  
"Morning," I said as I grabbed the black sticks off of the counter where I left them yesterday. I twisted my hair up and stuck them in, securing the bun. The long layered pieces of hair that werent long enough for the bun fell into my face. I pushed them to the side of my face, the hair sweeping across my forehead.  
"Oooh muffins!" I sang as my mom started popping them from the first pan and putting them on a plate. I grabbed one, letting it sit on my palm as I grabbed a knife and started buttering it. I slid into one of the benches at the little kitchen table in the middle of the room. I bit into the warm muffin, smiling in satification. The bread, cinnamon, sugar, fruity concoction filling my mouth with its sweetness, I was sad to swallow it, letting it go. My mom placed a glass of orange juice in front of me, but I had my mouth to full of muffin so I just nodded a thanks.  
I finished my muffin, two actually, and gulped down the rest of my juice. I put on my wrap around sweater, which actually only goes a little past my elbows, but its cute and comfy and keeps most of me warm. I tied it and slung my bag across my shoulder.  
"Bye mom," I said to the grey hairing women chewing absentmindedly at the blueberry muffin she was eating, like she wasnt even in her body. A robot, not knowing how to proceed with life. I kissed her cheek before turning and walking out of the kitchen and out of the house.  
The cold Minnesota air welcomed me as I walked down the steps, careful not to slip on any left over ice or snow from last weeks snow fall. I walked down the sidewalk.  
School was the same ol same ol. People said hi to me as we passed in the halls as we went to our classes. We had a pop quiz in English which I happily passed. With all the spare time I have on the weekends when im not working, I study so im prepared for this stuff. And as always Mrs. McIntosh, my yearbook instructure, droned on and on about the history of the camera. Yearbook is the only extracurricular I do, only because it allows me to use my creativity. I always like doing something, like designing and decoration and crafting stuff. I like making beautiful things out of scraps. On payday, I drive two towns over to the craft store. I just pick up random things, mostly on the clearance table. I totally hoard it. I like making cards, mostly for every occasion. I have stacks of them piling up around my desk. Its just something that keeps my hands, and my mind, busy.  
As I was walking down the empty hall after Yearbook, the next event to a normal day happened: The four trouble makers running away from, well, getting in trouble. Almost every day they are causing some kind of mayham, usually pranks. They play varsity hockey at our school, and everyday after practice they are always getting caught for something, wether its by Mrs. Lockhart, or whatever person fell their victim that day.  
The four boys barreled down the hall, yelling to one another. You could hear their yelling before they even got to the hall. They all swiftly ran past me. But one of them knocked into me, sending everything in my arms, and me, to the floor.  
"Sorry!" The boy with short choppy dark brown hair said. He was scrawnier then his friends and the other hockey players, he didnt quiet look like the hockey playing type. But oh well. His blonde friend had him by his shirt collar, pulling him along as they ran and disappeared behind the corner before I could get a word out.  
I sighed as I sat on the floor, not wanting to get up and pick up all my stuff. atleast he was nice enough to say sorry.  
I finally peeled myself off of the floor and gathered up all of my belongings and exiting the school.  
Work rushed by, thankfully. I got home just before it started to pour. The sound of my foot falls echoed through the house as I walked in. I didnt see my moms car in the driveway so I knew she wasnt home. My keys made a clattering sound as the metal met the wood of the table in the hall going towards the kitchen as I put my keys down. I went to the kitchen and put my back on the counter. I stood there for a minute, looking around, at everything and nothing at the same time. I had no where to go and no one to talk to. I have felt it before, but I never really cared. But this time, I was really lonely.  
And I didnt like it one bit.


	2. Always follow Your Instincts

**Just letting yall's know that I have no interest in Carlos. You'll understand once you read.**

* * *

I woke up Thursday morning freezing. I rolled over onto my side and curled into a ball, I bunched the blanket around myself. I heard when my alarm started screaming at me. I heard my mom when she left for work. I still did not get up. Who would care if I didnt get up? Who would notice if I didnt show up to school? No one. No one would care or even notice. Im just another shadow in another hallway. I'm nobody, and it freaking sucked.  
I finally rolled out of bed and decided to go anyways. I was not going to screw up my future now. Just two more years and im out, free. I threw on a black sweater, dark blue jeans and black heal-less boots. I gathered my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head and left. I was an hour late for school, but like I predicted, no one seemed to notice. I skipped lunch and sat outside on the steps, I wasnt that hungry anyways. But it turned out to be a good thing that I didnt go into the cafeteria because the four trouble making hockey players started a food fight. I knew they were in some kind of trouble when they came running out of school and jumping almost all of the stairs next to me in an attempt to escape from the always grouchy Mrs. Lockhart.  
I went on with the rest of my day. Yearbook was cancelled because Mrs. McIntosh came down with a nasty flu and our sub, Lady Prim, was on vacation.  
With no yearbook, I was able to leave school earlier. The hall was empty except for a few field hockey players who were gossiping about some boys from the football team. They ignored me as I walked past them, probably not even knowing who I was. I rolled my eyes at their dumbness as I turned onto the hall which will lead me to Second Hall and I will be free.  
They ran past me before I got to the hall. Maybe in a rush for hockey practice. But a group of maybe six or so bigger jocks ran after them.  
I stopped in my tracks not knowing how to proceed. I heard grunts and yelling like what would be sounds of a fight. I peeked over the corner just as the dark brown hair one I saw yesterday and his buddy with longer brown hair ran and turned left on Second Hall, going opposite of the door. Three of the jocks went after them. The blonde took off as the rest followed, but not before punching one of them in the face. He had short black curly hair and always wore a hockey helmet, whether or not he was at practice. I saw him in Walmart once with it on. He was lying against the lockers, groaning and holding his face.  
I knew I should have left the scene, could get caught for seeing too much. But I couldnt just leave him there. I bit my bottom lip as I slowly walked over to him. I dropped my bag as I got lower, crouching down beside him.  
"Can I see?" I asked him. His dark brown chocolate eyes met mine after I spoke. He nodded his head slowly and took his hand away. It was bad. Dark crimson blood covered the side of his mouth and chin and his upper lip. His nose didnt seem broken but it still needed to be treated.  
"Come on," I said standing up. I had a hold of his arm lightly, goading him up. He stood up, swaying a bit before I led him to the girls bathroom. "Lets get you cleaned up."  
I released his arm as I opened the door, going in and making sure no one was in it. Finding no one, I went back and tugged him in, locking the door behind us, just to make sure no one will barge in.  
When I turned back around he was already sitting on the counter. I turned on the water and rolled up my sleeves as I waited for the water to warm up. I grabbed a bunch of paper towels, running them under the faucet, and wrung them out. After turning off the water, I turned to the boy and started wiping his chin, his mouth, and lightly, under and around his nose. He looked at me with curious eyes, which I did my best not to meet. To him I was just some freak, an outcast. Hell, that would be if he knew who I was.  
After I cleaned his face up, I tossed the damp and badly blood stained paper into the trash. His nose was still bleeding so I stuffed some toilet paper up them.  
"There you go," I said. "All cleaned up."  
He stayed there, opening his mouth and closing it a few times. "Thank you," He finally said.  
"You're welcome," I gave him a small smile before turning to leave. I heard his feet land on the white tile as he hopped off of the counter. He stood behind me as I unlocked the door. I kept my hand on the handle as I spoke to him.  
"Stand still and be quiet as I make sure no one is around," I whispered to him. He nodded understandingly as I slowly opened the door. Scanning the area quickly, I opened the door wide enough for us to get out. I stepped out cautiously as the boy followed.  
I let out the breath ive been holding and wiped my hands on my jeans. I walked over to where my bag lay on the floor, but stopped when I heard him speak:  
'Wait!" The voice, which i noticed was the boys, said. I turned around to face him.  
"Hmmm?" I hummed, becoming self-conscious. What did he want? To tell me I was ugly? To just drop dead?  
"What's your name?" He asked. He looked childish, innocent even. His eyes had a faint glimmer of mischief in them. But I was totally not expecting that question, it caught me off guard. Now I was the one gaping at him, moving my mouth like a fish.  
Finding my voice I said, "Remy. My name is Remy."  
"Remy," He repeated, tasting it on his tongue. "Interesting. Like the rat in Ratatouille?"  
This was a very interesting conversation. I couldnt help but like him. "Yeah, I guess." I shrugged, I wasnt really aware of the movie, only seeing it once and I had my mind on other things at the time.  
"Hmmm. . " The boy said. "Anyway, im Carlos."  
"Its nice to meet you Carlos," I gave him a soft smile.  
"It's nice to meet you to Remy-" Before he could finish his friends came behind him and dragged him off. Once again I was alone.  
I sighed and left for work.

The next day at school was a big one for most students, I could tell. It was the hockey game of the season. If we win, we are qualified for the finals. Posters and fliers hung on every inch of the school announcing the time and place. It was all hard core and even cool looking, no doubt created by the design unit, which usually works with the Yearbook, but sometimes make graphics and pictures for the newspaper.  
A girl in too tight jeans and a black tee shirt rising up her stomach revealing her thong was handing out fliers at the entrance to my first period class. I took one after she practically shoved it in my face and sat down.

**Varsity Hockey Game**  
**Panthers VS. Badgers**  
**Tonight 6**  
**Grand View Park**

As I scanned over the flier, I decided why not go? My mom wasnt going to be home tonight and I really needed to get out of the house to somewhere thats not school or work or the grocery store. I did find it weird though that they were having the game at a park on a frozen lake, not at one of the schools like they normally do. Isnt it a little dangerous to have all of those guys skating on ice (that even though its cold as anything outside) could possibly break? It wasnt under my control and if they thought it was okay, then It must be.  
I went home to change before the game. It was going to be down in the low twenties tonight, so I needed to make sure I didnt freeze to death. I am sooo getting hot coco tonight.  
I put on a red sweater and my heavy black winter coat. I put on fuzzier socks before putting my boots back on. I was sticking with the jeans and put on my black Nightmare Before Christmas gloves. I grabbed some change and my cell phone and shoved them in my pocket before leaving. I left a note for my mom telling her where I was going just in case she came home for some reason and didnt find me here, thinking ive been kidnapped or something.  
As soon as I got to Grand View, it was pitch black and I already saw kids from my school milling around the pond. Two sets of two bleachers lined either side of the lake for the viewers.  
I got my hot chocolate from a cart that was set up near the pond and went over by my classmates. Kids from both schools filled the area. Most of the bleachers for my schools team were already filled, but if I tried I could probably find a seat. But I dont think I could stand sitting next to one of my classmates. Talk about awkward. So I just stood near the bleachers, but far enough away not to be mistaken to be with a group of people.  
After what seemed like hours, the teams finally get on the ice. I will tell you one thing, it was an interesting experience. Our team was the most vicious, thanks to four familiar guys who kept yelling different demands at each other. They would hit and knock over the other teams players and then they started to fight back! Some of the players from both schools had to be taken off the ice for medical treatment. It was intense! The coaches having enough, pulled their players off to talk with them. After both teams agreeing with their coaches, the game was back on. It was a little less hostile, but still mean. I actually got so into, I started yelling and cheering along with my classmates and parents.  
After so many hours of this, they announced that the Panthers had one and our school had lost. The Panthers all gathered around, throwing their MVP's up in the air while their friends, family and classmates gathered around, cheering them on. After my classmates and their families went home sulking after a lose as well as the hockey players, the opposing school all left to probably some celebration party at one of the hockey player's houses where they will most likely be getting drunk and puking their brains out into the late am.  
Still standing in the nearly empty park, I sighed and went home. I started walking but came to a stop when I saw that I was going to have to walk around almost the entire park alone, in the dark to get home. I stood there for a minute, figuring out what to do. I could call my mom, but she will still be at work and I didnt want to bother her and get her in trouble. We couldnt afford for her to come and pick my sorry ass up because I was too scared to walk home alone in the dark.  
I had to walk on the path around almost the whole entire park to get right across the pond.  
The pond  
If 50 or so well built hockey players can play a three hour game on the ice, cant a 122 pound girl walk across it with no problem? It beat walking around it.  
Even though my instincts told me not too, I started walking towards the pond. I stopped at the edge when I remembered that the pond was frozen over, making it possible to walk on with ice. Ice was slippery. Ice was evil. But I needed to get to the other side. I took a deep breath before putting my foot on the ice. Not slipping on my butt, I put my other foot on it. And with that, I went along, concentrating on my feet, putting one foot in front of the other. I was doing good, only falling twice, until I got to the middle.  
I heard it and I froze. I let out a scream before the ice fell beneath my feet and I dropped into the icy water.


	3. The Ugly Truth

As I plunged into the frigged water, it felt like a million needles stabbed into me. I tried to swim up, but my heavy clothing dragged me down further and something told me I would have been better off without the fuzzy socks. My body became numb as the water starting freezing me, and I came to the a terrifying reality check:  
I needed air.  
Soon.  
As my lungs begged me for air, I kicked and flared my arms trying to get to surface. I opened my eyes to see how far under I was to see that the hole that would have given me sight of the black sky was gone. I then heard screaming and pounding on the ice, and a black outline of someone. I opened my mouth to scream, but water filled it, with no way to spit it out, I started to drown faster. I started to panic, which would only cause me to drown faster, but I couldnt help it, especially when the figure multiplied to three others and told me to swim down. I shook my head, becoming dizzy. I knew I was going crazy, it was a sign of not enough oxygen coursing through my body to my head.  
The figure started yelling, faintly I caught the words 'Swim down! Swim down!, but I found out it wasnt possible, I couldnt move my arms or legs, so I automatically started to sink.  
As I sunk lower and lower I decided to accept the horrible truth:  
I was going to die.  
Black spots clouded my vision when what look like a boot broke the ice above. I closed my eyes as I felt the water around me shift. Something grabbed my waist and pulled me against something hard. I was on the verge of passing out, or dying, I wasnt sure since I never actually came this close to dying before. Was I going to pass out first? I wasnt sure at the moment, I couldnt concentrate. I was just about to lose consciousness when something happened.  
I inhaled oxygen.  
I opened my eyes, which had big black spots interrupting my vision, but I was alive and looking at land. And four familiar boys. It took me a minute to place them but I noticed them as the trouble makers from school, including the one named Carlos I met yesterday. What where they doing here? And werent there four of them?  
I gasped in air and coughed (more like threw) up the water that got trapped in my lungs. The blonde boy, the brunette and Carlos helped me up and out of the freezing water. Not being able to move, I allowed them to lie me down on the ice. Their friend climbed out of the water and crawled over, kneeling besides his friends who crowded around me. I guess thats why he was missing, because he was in the water with me. But I couldnt see him because I was unable to move a muscle in my body. His brown hair was longer than his friends, going inches past his ears. His brown eyes reminded me of Hershey kisses. He was well built and strong looking, but too pretty to be a hockey player. But what i noticed most about him was that he was soaking wet from head to toe, which meant he was the one who grabbed me in the water. I wasnt crazy when I said I saw and heard people. They were right here, hovering over someone they barely knew, probably even forgot existed. But he saved me, and that was all that mattered.  
As I laid their motionless, unable to move, the boys became frantic.  
"Whats the matter with her? Why isnt she moving?!" The brown hair boy asked, from now on known a my savior. Panic filled his voice.  
"James calm down," The brunette said. "She's in shock. Probably due to the cause of falling into water and almost drowning, not to mention the freezing temperature of the water." Ahhh the smart one of the group.  
"Well what do we do!" My savior asked, his hands hovering over and everywhere, not quiet sure what to do.  
"Well first off we have to make sure she dosent get even more cold," the dark hair boy said, shrugging off his jacket. "We have to get as much of her clothes off as possible." Excuse me WHAT?! NAH UH! No way was I letting these boys undress me.  
"Carlos, call 911," The dirty blonde ordered. As the odd boy wearing a helmet took out his phone and punched in the numbers, the brunette stripped off my coat, boots, fuzzy socks, and sweater, leaving me in my bra and jeans. I wanted to protest so bad, but considering I wasnt even able to swallow, well, that wasnt going to happen.  
He wrapped his jacket around me, covering up my exposed torso, as he lifted me onto his lap, hugging me to his chest, as he listed things off to his friends.  
"You have to warm anyone with hypothermia slowly so their temperature dosent spike increasingly fast which will cause problems," The smart boy said. "Ridding them of their effected clothes and holding them close to you will allow your body heat to radiate off of you and onto them." The blonde and brown haired boys nodded slowly, trying to process this in their heads.  
"Kendall," He ordered, his blonde friend perking up. "Take her so i can examine her, to see if there is anything else I can identify. And to warm up James."  
"Aye aye captin'" Kendall said, taking me into his arms as Mr. Smarty pants went over to his friend who was curled up in a ball, shivering like a chihuahua.  
"Carlos," he said, catching the obviously Latino's attention who was pacing on the ice a yard away from us, on the phone. "Give me your jacket." Carlos nodded and quickly took off his coat, keeping his phone pressed to his ear as he did so. He tossed the jacket to his smart friend who wrapped it around James.  
When he was done with his friend, he came over to me.  
"What do we do now?" Kendall asked.  
"As soon as the ambulance leaves I guess we'll take her back to your house and warm her up enough for her to talk. Find out where she lives and stuff." Smarty Mc Smart Smart said. I dont know his name, so stop judging me, okay?  
As he stood up and walked over to his helmet wearing friend, Kendall squeezed me tighter against him, snuggling me close to him. He was warm, thank God, but I was still freezing. But atleast I didnt feel like I was getting colder. If that was even possible anymore.  
His breath was warm in my ear as he whispered, "You'll be okay. Promise."  
The sound of sirens blared through the almost silent night. The paramedics rushed over to us. While Kendall kept me in his arms, the paramedics checked me over, rattling things off. Only the brunette payed attention and answered.  
"Do you kids have a parent coming?" One of the paramedics asked. He had blonde hair shaved into a buzz cut and bright blue eyes. He looked young, no older then 21.  
Prepared to answer no myself, Kendall spoke and said, "Yes, my mom is coming to pick us up."  
"Alright," The paramedic said standing up. "I dont want her to sleep for atleast another hour, after that she will need her rest. Make sure she gets changed and keeps warm. As for him," He pointed to James, who was standing behind him, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. "Make sure he stays warm as well."  
"Thank you sir," Kendall said as the paramedics turned back to their ambulance and drove off.  
I dont remember much after that, just that we stayed on the ice until Kendall's mom came. I dont remember actually seeing her, my face was pressed against Kendall's chest and my eyes fluttered closed.  
"Nah uh," Kendall said. "Can't go to sleep yet, the party just started!" Carlos and James snickered as their other friend snorted. I lifted my eyes open, having been warm enough for my eye lids to be the only part of my frozen body to move. I do remember being lightly lifted and moving, which meant that Kendall was walking.  
"You got her?" James asked, and im assuming Kendall nodded.  
"Yeah, I got her," He huffed as he pushed me up more, getting a better grip so he wouldnt drop me. How sweet. But thats all I remember of the previous night.  
I awoke warm, which is always a good thing. They must have taken me back to Kendall's house like he said because I was lying in someones bed, a hand knitted tan blanket laid on me.  
The room was dark from a black sheet hanging by what im guessing nails over the window on the opposite side of the bed, which was placed that the head of the bed was pressed against the middle of the wall and stuck out to the middle of the room, adjacent to the door. The walls were blue which reminded me of the icing of a sterotypical birthday cupcake which a dark colored furniture scheme. Somehow, it all went together, like a puzzle piece from a totally different set fitting perfectly with the piece of the opposing set.  
There was a desk right next to the bed, leaning against the adjoining wall. It was covered in books and papers and Pepsi cans. A dresser sat next to the window while a closet was built on its neighboring wall, the doors white.  
Clothes, shoes, and other random crap littered the floor and surfaces of the furniture, his closet doors pushed open as far as they could go by more crap. His room was messy, but surprisingly not smelly. The sheets and pillows smelt like Down laundry soap and dryer sheets. Posters of Zooey Deschanel covered the wall along with shelves filled with hockey trophies. Just then I noticed the figure standing in the room.  
"Sorry," Kendall said, not exactly a whisper. "Did I wake you?"  
"No," I croaked out. My throat was dry and hurt, my whole body was sore. Now that Kendall mentioned it, I wondered if I woke up on my own or if he, for a matter of fact, did wake me.  
"What time is it?" I groaned, rolling onto my back, staring up at the ceiling which had a picture of Zooey Deschanel tapped to it, hovering over the bed. Men...  
"Uhhh," Kendall sang as he looked around to find some place to catch the time. "6:53."  
"Shit!" I shot up, my head spinning. "I got to get to school!"  
"Hey hey hey hey, calm down," Kendall said as he came over to me, gently helping me lie back down. "My mom already called the school and said that you werent able to come in today. She had to call Carlos for your name who said it was Rainy?"  
"Remy," I whispered. I dont think it was quiet yet possible to raise my voice any higher.  
"Remy," Kendall said, then nodded. "Well anyways, my mom said to just stay here and rest, get some more sleep okay?"  
I felt odd as I nodded. How I would be sleeping in Kendall's bed as he left for school. It was weird.  
"Well I have to go," Kendall said after a faint sound of a car horn beeped in the background. "I'll see you later."  
I nodded and said after him, "Bye." Kendall looked behind his shoulder and gave me a sweet smile that I thought I would never receive from any guy.  
Kendall shut the door and I laid there in the dark, once again alone. This was all weird and strange to me, but I knew once Kendall got home he and his friends would come and kick me out.  
I dozed off and was awoken sometime in the late morning im guessing. A short women in her late thirties came in. Her hair was a rich orange wave of curls that cascaded down her back. She had a sweet smile as she came over to me.  
"Hi," She said. "How are you feeling?"  
Not knowing how to answer since I really didnt know how I felt myself, I went to as close to the truth as I could, "Fine."  
"Oh okay," she smiled warmly, resting the back of her hand on my forehead. "You feel cold. Are you cold?"  
I shook my head as she went on with another question. "Are you hungry?" I nodded. "Okay let me go get you some food."  
The petite women got up and left the room. A few minutes later she came in with a ceramic bowl with a spoon sticking out of it in one hand and a mug in the other.  
"Here's your hot chocoa," she said as she sat the mug on the side table next to the bed. "And here is your food," She handed me a bowl of oatmeal after I sat up a little.  
"Thank you," I said, taking the bowl and picking up a spoonful. The natural oatmeal was now brown and gooey. I didnt know how hungry I was until I looked at the bowl. I stuck the spoon in my mouth and swallowed.  
"Oatmeal is always a good remedy after coming in from the freezing outside," Who im assuming was Kendall's mom said. She sat down on the bed next to me, crossing her left leg over her right. "One time the boys decided to become human snowmen and Logan was volunteered. Poor boy was like a popsicle when they dragged him into the house!"  
Logan... Was he the other boy? I wasnt sure, but I guess ill find out another time.  
"Would you like to call your mom?" Kendall's mother asked me. "We didnt know where you lived or your last name so we couldnt call her. Im sorry for worrying her. When she answers tell her I would love to talk to her." She got up and left the room as I slowly ate away my oatmeal. It was sweet, but good. I liked it. I was never able to make oatmeal sweet like this in worry of using food products more than I needed. It was nice to finally be able to eat something like this.  
She came back in and handed me a phone. I sat there, hesitating whether or not to call my mother while she was working. I didnt want to get her in trouble, but if she came home and found me missing, she might have taken off work today to find me. I quickly dialed and listened to the hum while waiting for her to pick up.  
"Hello?" The familiar tired voice said.  
"Hey mom its me," I sighed.  
"Oh Remy! Hi!" My mother said. Her tone caught me off guard. She sounded. . . surprised. Shocked.  
"Hi mom," I said.  
"Is everything alright?" My mom quickly asked.  
"Yeah mom," I said slowly. Did she not notice I was gone last night? "Im okay, I guess."  
"Oh good, then why are you calling? Arent you suppose to be in school?" My mom asked, getting all motherly.  
"Yeah, but im not- You mean-" I stuttered trying to find words. the thought dawned on me, and I was worried to find the answer. Please dont be true.  
"I know Remy, Im sorry I wasnt home today to make you breakfast," She said. "I hope you werent worried but I had to go in earlier today then usual. How was the game last night?"  
My heart sped up, almost pounding out of my chest. A lump formed in my throat as I felt the color from my face drain. She didnt know.  
"It was fine. We lost." I answered, trying to swallow the Texas sized lump.  
"Oh im sorry," My mother said, no sympathy in her voice what so ever. "Look I gotta go, ill see you tomorrow!"  
"Okay bye mom," I quickly hung up. I was in no mood to eat anymore. I put the bowl and phone on the side table, shutting off the lamp. I sunk down on the bed, curling myself into a ball, trying to rid myself of the sick feeling in my stomach.  
My mom didnt even know I had gone missing, I thought as tears welled into my eyes. The only person on this planet that cared about me. Or so I thought.  
I felt sick. Like the sicking sweet oatmeal was going to make a return. My body temperature dropped as I wrapped the blanket around me. I heard my pulse beating rapidly in my head as I tried to rid myself of all thoughts. But one memory decided to come back into mind.  
It was back in the beginning of the year. I remember it was around the time school started again after winter break. Another semester without no friends. I remember lying in my bed alone one night after another horrible day. Tears were in my eyes as I thought:  
If I were to die today, would anyone notice? Would they notice if I didnt show up to school? Would they care? If I got into a car accident, would they visit me in the hospital? I bet only mom would care.  
As I re-thought my words I revamped it.  
No, not even mom would show up.  
After dawning on the pathetic reality of my life, I broke down.


	4. Im Done and Kendalls Nice

**I can not tell you how happy I am. Thank you guys soo much for reviewing! I have never gotten as many reviews as early on in one of my stories as I got on this one! When I read them, I honestly started crying, you guys made me so happy! Thank you so much! I am working very hard on this story! **

**I know I would have normally personally thanked you, but ive been so busy I cant really find the time to thank all of yall's! **

**Enjoy chapter 4! This si for yall's!**

**~XOXOXBecca :)**

* * *

After a while, I cried myself dry. My break down must have exhausted me because I fell right to sleep. I was startled a wake from a noise im guessing because I heard a mother yell from somewhere in the house about keeping things quiet and to calm their asses down. I am guessing the boys were back.

I rolled onto my side and ran my fingers through the holes in the blanket, feeling the soft fabric between my fingers. I could not believe that no one, including my mom, cared about my whereabouts, if I was okay or not. The sickening feeling in my stomach came back. I curled into a ball and held back the tears. If no one noticed that I was gone, then no one noticed if I never came back. I was sick and tired of this crap that is my life, of going day by day waiting for what exactly? I was done. I was done with this life of mine. As soon as I get back home, im finished.

I heard commotion and I knew the boys where going to Kendalls room. I shut my eyes, pretending to still be asleep so hopefully they'd leave me alone.

"Well Carlos won last time!" Kendall said as the door opened. I only knew because I could feel the light from the other room coming in through my eye lids.

"Guys, shes sleeping!" Someone whispered. It sounded like the brunette, was it the so called Logan? I heard his voice enough last night to know it from the rest.

"Can we wake her up?" One of them said, followed by an "ow!"

"No stupid, we are not going to wake her up!" He scolded.

"But you'll never know how shes feeling. . ." Kendall sung. I guess this got Brainy's attention, because he grumbled.

"Okay fine, but only to see if we can help."

I heard the soft thud of a bag being dropped on the floor as soft footsteps on the carpet came closer. A hand clamped lightly on my arm as I was slightly shaken.

Since I was basically still half asleep, I groaned, opening one of my eyes.

"Hi," Kendall said as he stopped shaking me and took his arm off, still leaning on the bed.

"Hi," I croaked out, opening my other eye and blinking, twisting myself so I was lying on my back, my legs still lying on their sides since I couldnt move them because Kendall's hands were on the blanket.

"Sorry to wake you," Kendall began to explain. "But Logan here wanted to know how you were doing."

I nodded and Kendall slapped his hand on his forehead. "Oh my gosh! You dont know who we are!" Kendall began to introduce me to his friends, unaware that I already know their names. "Im Kendall, theres Logan, James and you already apparently met Carlos." He gave Carlos an odd look.

"Hey," his friends said to me, James picking his hand up giving me a small wave.

"Hi," I said again to all of them.

"So," Kendall sat on his bed beside me. "How are you feeling?"

Like shit. Hated. Unloved.

I wanted to say but instead I shrugged and said, "Okay I guess."

Kendall nodded and Logan broke through the crowd to stand next to the bed. "Any effects like headache, itching, pain-"

"Sore throat," I said to him, finishing his sentence.

Logan nodded and Kendall spoke, "I think my mom has some kind of tea. . . "

"On it," James said and left the room. What was it with these guys? First they saved me, now their being nice? What the hell was going on!

Kendall's mom called for him from somewhere in the house. Kendall yelled to her, "I'll be right there!" and stood up.

"Come on," He said to me. "Come out to the living room."

The rest of his friends started filing out of the room, but Kendall stopped and turned around to talk to me. I answered him, "Okay. I'll be out in a few."

"Okay!" Kendall grinned and left the room. I sighed. Okay when I fell into the lake I defiantly came out into an alterturnitive universe.

I sat up slowly, throwing my legs off the edge and took a deep breath. After a minute the light-headedness went away and I stood up. I hadnt noticed before, but now as I walked out of Kendalls room and into a hallways with white walls and medium colored polished wood floor, had I realized I wasnt wearing my clothes. I was wearing gray sweatpants that fit me well on the top but dragged along the floor on the bottom. Seeing Kendall's mom, being the short women she is, sweatpants dragging on the floor on me made me shake my head at my petite height. But what really got me was the top, a red long sleeved shirt which hugged my body. I would assume if it was Kendall's moms it would be a little bit more baggy, unless she was this kind of women, but what I saw of her, she didnt seem like the type. Did Kendall have a sister maybe?

The floor beneath my bare feet was cold and I was happy when the wood became carpet. I appeared moments later into their living room. It had coffee colored walls and a vanilla colored carpet. The furniture- a couch, love seat, and two arm chairs that sat at opposite ends from each other- surrounded the glass coffee table that sat in the middle. A flat screened tv sat on a glass tv table with movies piling up next to the tv. A large bookcase sat behind the couch. All in all, it was cozy.

When I walked in, I saw that Kendall and James sat on the couch while Logan sat on one of the arm chairs and Carlos took up the love seat.

"Hey!" Kendall said as I appeared through the walkway, I gave him a small smile.

"Here," He said scooting closer to the arm of the couch. "Sit here since Carlos has apparently claimed the love seat," He glared at his spanish friend who had his eyes closed.

"Oh Kendall, you dont know what love is," his friend sighed. Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Dont worry, we dont bite," James said, flashing me the most whitest teeth smile. My heart skipped a beat.

I slowly walked over to the middle of the couch, sitting down between Kendall and James. The couch looked pretty big, but three people was enough. I had some elbow room, which was good, but I could smell the scent of cologne coming off of my Savior. I tried not to blush.

I stared at the glass coffee table in front fo me. How it had no scratches or streaks surprisingly with a rowdy teenager and his friends. A few rings sat on the table from cups which looked fresh. It made me wonder how she did it.

"Hey look!" Carlos suddenly popped up. "Its a Remy sandwich!"

"Oh yeah!" Kendall said, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Would you look at that!" James said like it surprised him.

"Oh shes blushing!" Logan said as I tried to hide my face in my arms, a blush on my cheeks.

"Aw how cute!" Kendall said as he and James started shoving me back and forth between them. Gosh guys were obnoxious.

"Can you please stop?" I asked, still covering my face. Either they didnt hear me or they were just stupid, but they continued. So I said it again. "Can you please stop?"

Kendall and James stopped and I looked straight into Kendall's eyes, pleading with my own.

"Okay," he said, his tone soft and calming. His smirk stayed though.

"Thank you," It came out like a whisper.

"Here is your tea," Kendall's mother said as she hurried in and handed me a mug.

"Thank you," I said to her as I took the mug. It was hot in my hands, but I tried not to react to it. I was not going to give those boys something to tease me about.

"Kendall Knight!" she scolded at her son. "What did I tell you about rings on the table!"

"Sorry mom," Kendall hung his head in shame, just to please his mom.

"Clean it up," she ordered and disappeared through an entrance way.

Kendall groaned as he got up and followed after his mom, coming back seconds later with a spray bottle and rag and wiping up the ring marks. He left then came back, throwing something on the table.

"Use those, or else your cleaning next time," Kendall told his friends as he sat back down. I reached over and grabbed a coaster from the pile of atleast twenty and sat my mug of tea down on it.

"Thank you Remy!" Kendall said, like I understood him.

I gave a small smile once again. A girl about the age of ten with long brown hair walked in and stood over Carlos.

"Move moron," she said.

"No," Carlos said, sticking his tongue out at her. She grabbed him by his hair and pulled back. "Ow ow ow ow! Okay! Okay!" He said and sat up so the young girl could sit down.

"Remy, this is my sister Katie, Katie this is Rem-" Kendall was cut off by his sister.

"Dont want to know," And she got up and left. So Kendall did have a sister.

"Sorry about her," Kendall apologized.

"Yeah she can be sort of a. . ." James said trying to find the right word to describe her.

"A bitch?" Logan said and Carlos started laughing.

"Okay," Kendall dragged out the word. "Not the first word I would use to describe my sister, but yeah, sometimes."

The guys laughed and I smiled a bit.

"So Remy do you have any siblings?" Logan asked. It hit me in a spot. I didnt like talking about my home life, especially including the members of my family.

"I should be going," I stood up, but Kendall stopped me.

"I'll drive you home," He offered.

"No," I shook my head lightly. "I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? Is your mom coming to pick you up?" He asked.

"No. Im mean, yeah im sure and no my mom isnt picking me up." This was starting to get annoying. He was really nice for asking, but I really wanted to be alone.

"Is she off work yet?" He asked again.

I shook my head again. "No she doesnt get off work until six." They all gave me weird looks for the clock on the wall said 7:25. "Am," I clarified.

"Then what do you do when shes gone?" Logan asked.

I shrugged. "Study, hang out in my room."

"Well then why not you stay here for another night?" Kendall offered.

"No," I said, nicely. "Its okay really. You dont have to do that."

"But I want to," he said. "Its totally fine."

Wow, he was really nice. And I knew I was coming off as kind of a grouch. And did I really want to stay home alone another night?

"Okay," I said. "I'll stay another night."

The boys jumped up and yelled "WOO HOO!"

We ate dinner and the guys talked some more, I just sat there and listened. I dont want to seem like a Debbie Downer, but really, by tomorrow they are going to completely forget about me. Go on like everyone else and forget I exist. Thats how it always is. and I know I said I was okay with this, but im really not. It sucks.

James, Logan, and Carlos left because they couldnt spend the night. We retired after that, since they left close to midnight.

"I'll take the floor," I said as Kendall threw down an extra pillow on top of a sleeping bag and blanket.

"No, its fine," he said.

"Really, Its the least I can do. I screwed you out of it last night," I tried to lighten the mood.

He smirked at my comment, but then he became serious again. "Yeah, but you almost died."

"You saved me."

He sighed, I could tell he was getting frustrated. I sat on the bed and looked at him. "Thank you."

He smiled, "You're welcome."

I snuggled into the bed and Kendall turned off the light. I was really appreciative for Kendall, he was really nice, all of them were. But I couldnt help but think if it was just sympathy.

"Kendall," I said through the dark.

"Hmmm?" he said from his spot on the floor.

"I-I," I didnt know what to really say. There was a lot I wanted to tell him. "Thank you. for everything."

I heard him chuckle. "You're welcome."

"Im serious," I said, looking up at the ceiling through the dark. "You have been really nice and I appreciate it. I will never be able to repay you guys for saving me."

"Remy," He said. "Honestly, we couldnt let you drown. You dont have to repay us."

"But I must."

"You can repay us back when we are in the need of saving," his voice muffled. I was guessing his head was stuffed in his pillow.

Kendall already answered one of my questions. but I had to ask the one that was killing me the most.

"Why did James save me?" I asked. Throughout the night as I watched my Savior, he seemed more into his looks then his friends around him. He was the pretty boy of the group. defiantly not the type to jump in a freezing lake to save a girl he never met.

"I think thats a tale only James can tell," Kendall said. I nodded at this and snuggled into the pillow.

"Goodnight Kendall," I whispered.

"Goodnight Remy."

And I fell asleep.


	5. Time To ReThink My Life

I spent the weekend at Kendall's, mostly because we got hit with a snow storm Saturday night and they insisted, and by they I mean the whole Knight family. I couldnt just turn them down after everything they've done for me the past few days. I know it seems backwards, but by not taking up their offer, it would make me sound antisocial or that I didnt want to be around them. So I didnt actually get home until Monday morning when Kendall dropped me off so i could get ready for school.

"You want me to drive you to school?" He asked me as we parked in front of my house.

I shook my head. "No, I dont want you to have to wait for me while I get ready."

"It wont be that long," He said. "School starts in thirty minutes."

He had a point, but I would feel bad if he sat out here waiting for me.

"I'll be fine," I gave him a small smile. "Thanks though."

"Your welcome," He smiled back at me as I got out. As soon as I reached the front door, Kendall pulled away and I watched as his moms minivan disappeared. I sighed as I stuck the key in the lock and opened the door. I kicked it shut once I was in and went upstairs.

The first thing I did was get in the shower, warming up my frozen bones. I couldnt shake what happened this weekend, how nice Kendall and the boys were to me. For just a minute, it made me feel wanted. Maybe they did want to be friends with me. Maybe they did like me. Or maybe they were just being nice and couldnt wait for me to go home. Maybe I should have declined the Knights this weekend and just went home. Lets face it, im a lonely loser that no one likes.

Five minutes later I stood in the bathroom, a towel wrapped around myself. I looked at the pink razor in my hand that would replace my old one, or end my life. I knew once I did this, there would be no going back.

I exaggerated a sigh as I walked to my locker, clenching the hem of my long sleeve shirt in my fist. I twisted the lock to my combination until it popped open, exposing the inside of my dull locker. I took my time switching out my notebooks from Biology to History while everyone else went to lunch. When i was unable to stall using my locker, I shut it and walked down the halls, the razor lying on my bathroom counter popping into my head. I shook it away as I bumped into something hard. Or someone.

"Remy!" Carlos yelled as he looked up at who knocked him (and themself) over.

"Hi Carlos," I said, offering him my little smile. He got up and quickly dusted himself off. He held out his hand for me, such a generous gesture, and I took it. He lifted me off of the floor and pulled me into a hug.

"We were just looking for you!" Carlos said excitedly, squeezing me before returning his arms to his side.

"Really?" I asked, like I believed it. Why would they be looking for me? i must have forgotten something at the Knights house.

"Yeah!" Carlos exclaimed. "We didnt see you at lunch so James said maybe we should go look for you, so we did. But after not finding you, Logan suggested we split up. I didnt know where to look, so I decided to look where you helped me on Thursday, but you werent there. But when I turned the corner, here you were!"

The latino went on and I looked at him with a flabbergasted expression. He had got to be joking.

"Oh, wow," I said. How are you suppose to respond to that?

"I know! Oh look theres Kendall! Hey Kendall! YOO HOO!" Carlos said in one breath. He was seriously tiring, but it was hard not to like him.

Kendall saw us and smiled, quickly making his way to us.

"Hey!" He said. 'Sup Remy girl."

"Hi Kendall," I said, cue for the small smile.

"Do you ever fully smile?" Kendall asked me, giving me a curious smirk. I didnt want to tell him why I only give a small smile, its just to much explaining. So I just looked down at my boots.

"Im sorry," Kendall said, sincere.

I shook my head lightly. "Its fine. Its just that-" I took a deep breath, telling him as close to the truth as i was going to allow. "Theres nothing really to smile big about."

Him and Carlos exchanged looks so I elaborated it. "I mean, its not that im not happy to see you! I am. If I wasnt I wouldnt smile at all."

"Well Remy my dear," Kendall said, putting his arm around my shoulders. "Allow us to show you what there is to smile big about." Him and Carlos exchanged smiles and started walking, stearing me away. I was trapped. I wasnt going to ditch them, and they were nice. They wanted to help me. Or maybe they were just to stupid to know at first to hate me. But I was going to try not to be negative and see what happens.

After walking around the school for a few minutes, we finally found James and Logan, who were together arguing about something.

"We found her!" Carlos said, sweeping his arms gesturing to me as we stopped in front of the two other hockey players.

Kendall gave my shoulders squeeze before letting go.

"Hello Remy," Logan said, giving me the cutest smile ever! Really, he had the most amazing dimples. But it was the other one that made my heart stop.

"Hey Remy," James smiled at me, showing off his pearly white teeth. That smile was to die for, and if my heart didnt start soon, I was going to die from it.

"Hey James, Logan," I said politely.

"So what are we doing for lunch?" James asked.

"Yeah! Im starving!" Carlos added.

"How about cheeseburgers?" Kendall suggested.

We all agreed to that. But that started on the argument on where to go.

"McDonalds!" Carlos yelled.

"NO!"James yelled. "WENDYS!"

"MCDONALDS!"

"WENDYS!"

"MCDONALDS!"

"WEnDYS!"

"MAC-DON-ALDS!:

Kendall and Logan shared an eye roll. Logan perked up.

"What do you want Remy?" Logan asked me. I stared at him, then looked at Kendall, then back at Logan. Their expressions told me that he was serious. They actually wanted my opinion? Holy shit!

"Uhh. . . " I thought, trying to think of where to go. I was still shocked that they actually wanted to know where I wanted to go.

"Just please not Wendy's or McDonald's," Kendall said which made me stifle a giggle, but one slipped out.

Kendall became surprised, then his lips turned up at their corners and became a huge smile. He clapped his hands and pointed his fingers at me. "I made you laugh! HA! I made you laugh!"

"No you didnt!" I argued, trying not to smile. I crossed my arms.

"Yes I did! I made Remy giggle," Kendall said like he won a noble prize.

"Stop it Kendall!" I said. "Or else I will choice either McDonalds or Wendy's."

Kendall stopped his dance and looked at me. "Oh your good." He came over and put his arm around my shoulder again. "I can tell we are going to be great friends."

We went to Subway instead just to purposely piss Carlos and James off, mostly Carlos because I kind of owe James. We stood in line together, the guys ordered the specialty subs on the board, while I did the daring thing and opted to make my own sub instead. I know I should have gone with the flow, but they didnt seem like the type to disown me for not going with the crew choice. Risky I know and im stupid for doing it.

I was the last one to order since I chose to stay in the back which was kind of hard since everyone wanted to talk to me. I ordered my concoction sub and turned to see Kendall and James giving me weird looks. Logan and Carlos would have probably been too if they havent left to go find us a table.

"What?" I asked, becoming nervous. Yup I was defiantly marked as the weird crazy girl. Why didnt I just order the buffalo chicken sub like Carlos?

"Thats quiet a sandwich," Kendall said to me. I looked down at my feet, my lips twitched into a shy smile which quickly dropped. Yup, so out of this group.

"A girl who knows what she wants," James said, hands in his pocket. He was gorgeous. "And doesnt go along with the group."

Kendall smirked and raised his eyebrow at James who smiled. "Man dont we wish there were more girls like that," Kendall said. I stood there shocked. They didnt hate me? There not (okay not for this reason) going to kick me to the curb? What was it with these boys.

"Yeah," James sighed coming over and putting his arm around me. "We got the pick of the litter." _We. _He said we got the pick of the litter. _We got. _Did that mean they liked me? Truly I lost the whole weekend and this outing in translation. But I couldnt really think straight because James arm was around me. James arm was around me. It made me feel tingly inside.

We go our food and ate and went back to school. We departed and went our separate ways, maybe for good. Algebra, which is also my last class of the day, dragged on but I was (happily) able to pass the pop quiz Mr. Lohtek gave us. After my last class of the day was over, I dashed to yearbook for another lecture on the components of a camera by Mrs. McIntosh. As soon as she said it was free to go, I scooped up all of my notes and sheets of different cameras in different angles and the explanation of each part and, into my bag and left. Before leaving for work, I stopped by my locker to pick up my textbooks for the classes I had before lunch. As I turned onto the hallway I saw a tall broad shoulder figure leaning against my locker.

Kendall turned around and faced me as soon as my heeled boots clacked on the tile floor.

"Hey Remy," He said flashing me a smile.

"Hi Kendall," I said stopping in front of him. We looked at each for a few minutes, which was very awkward. I had to break the silence. "So um, dont you have practice?"

His face lit up as he was snapped back into reality. "Oh yes! Oh im sorry," He said as he scooted away from my locker so I could get in it. I whispered a thanks to him as I turned the combination. The locker door popped open and I gathered my books.

"So," Kendall began. "Tonight me and the guys are having a bonfire at my place and we wanted to know if you wanted to join us?"

I stopped putting my textbooks and notes into my back. I paused with my hand on my Biology notebook and looked at him. Did Kendall Knight just ask me to come hang out with him and his friends bonfire they were throwing? He has to be kidding me. I honestly didnt get it with these guys. How could they ignore my exists for all these years then one day just decide they want to hang out with me?

I really did appreciate it, but Kendall has done a lot for me, I couldnt ruin his party with his friends, even if he did invite me.

"Im sorry Kendall," I said. "I would love too, but I have work tonight."

Kendalls face fell. "Well how about after work? What time do you get off?" He was being really sweet, and I hated to reject him.

"Look, i just dont think tonight is a good night," I shut my locker door.

Kendalls expression changed. He actually looked pissed off, I became afraid.

"Why dont you like us?" Kendall asked.

"What?" I was shocked he would bring something like that up. Was I putting that strong of negativity out? It was only supposed to be an inner battle.

His fist connected with the door to the locker next to mine. I flinched as the bang rang out through the empty hall.

"Everytime this whole weekend after we saved you, after any of us ask you to do something with us, you always say no, no, no." Kendalls face softened from his hard stern expression. "What did we do? Why dont you want to hang out with us?"

I felt bad that I made them feel that way. I sighed. "Kendall, Its not that I dont like you guys. Its just-" I exhaled. "It's a lot more complicated then it seems. I didnt mean to have my negativity affect you guys, im sorry."

Kendall sighed. I felt awful. I wanted to crawl into a hole in die. Everything I do in life is a fail. Maybe these guys really did want to hang out with me. Maybe Kendall wanted to be my friend or something.

I bit my bottom lip. "I'll swing by tonight after work. Okay?"

Kendall lifted his head to meet my gaze, that familiar sweet smile spread across his face. "Okay."

I dont know how, but I guess seeing Kendall smile because of me sparked something inside me. I felt lighter, happier. "Are we cool?" i asked.

He smirked. "Yeah, we cool." He put his fist out. It took me a minute to decode it, but soon my fist connected with his in the bump.

"See you in a little while Remy," He said as he turned and left for practice.

"Bye Kendall," I said after him.

I was seriously going to have to rethink my life out.


	6. Death Incounters and Smores

**Oh My God! I am so sorry it took me so long to update! I had to do this Biology assignment to do and it took me forever and I was just really busy! I am really sorry! This week had been crazy! Please forgive me! I will try my best not to go this long again without updating or giving you a notice. I hope you enjoy it though!**

**BTW you guys freaking rock! Everytime I see I have a new review I start smiling like an idiot and actually start crying when I read it. I appriciate it so much and I am so beyond happy that you guys like it! Thank you soo much!**

**~XOXOXBecca**

* * *

After standing behind a cash register at work all day, I was actually excited to go to Kendall's tonight. After my shift was over, I went into the back to clock out and gather my stuff. I slipped on my black sweater and threw my heavy bag over my shoulder, grabbing the clip attached to the back of my head and releasing my hair. It fell on my shoulders and down my back. I walked back to the front and said bye to one of my co-workers, Cassie, as I passed her. It was dark outside. The sun being out past five o'clock long gone since three weeks ago. The cold wind blew right in my face as I walked down the block, nipping at my face and neck. It was a long walk from my job to Kendalls, but I managed to walk it in only half an hour. I reluctantly walked up the path to the Knights front porch where a light hung by the top of the door, lighting up the whole porch. I hesitantly lifted up my hand and knocked on the door.

The door opened a few seconds later and Mrs. Knight appeared. "Remy, hi!" She said. "Come on in girl dont be shy," She stepped away and gestured me to come in. I stepped into the Knights home for the first time, since the actual first time im assuming I was carried in. It was cozy as always and smelled like pumpkin spice, a nice fall aroma that I grew to love to smell every time October comes around. And Thanksgiving.

"The boys are in the back waiting for you," She told me as I followed her through the living room and to the back door, which hung right open, letting the cold air in.

"Kendall! What did I say about leaving the door open?" She scolded him while stopping by the kitchen sink. She pointed to the door and I nodded, thanking her before walking to the door. I slowly, cautiously, stepped out the door. The door went right out to a wide open patio made of different shades of red cobblestone. Bushes that would have had pretty flowers in the spring but were now dead and covered in snow lined the house where the cobblestone ended. It was too dark to see the yard, but I could faintly make out the shape of a big tree in one corner of a high light colored wood fence that outlined the yard. A green gardening shed sat on the other end. The patio wasnt covered in snow as I thought it would be, Kendall must have cleaned it away beforehand. Towards the edge of the patio, a metal fire pit sat, five camping chairs in different colors gathered around it, while four boys argued.

"No we are not going to adopt a cat!" Logan argued to whoever stupid decision it was.

"Why do you have to be such a party pooper Logan?" Carlos said standing up. Kendall was off to the side, getting the starters for the bonfire ready. "You can kiss my butt Logan!" Carlos yelled at his friend before standing up and doing something I did not want to see. Thank God for Kendall.

"Hey Remy!" He called to me, waving. He looked at Carlos, who no doubt was blushing and sat down.

"Hey Remy," The rest of the boys chorused. I grinned and waggled my fingers at them.

"Here, you can sit next to me Remy," James said as he dusted the blue camping chair off. I looked shyly down at my feet and stuck my hands in the pockets of my sweater before walking over to sit next to James. He gave me a warm welcoming smile as I sat down, making me go numb all over.

"Now what do you say about lighting this bad boy up," Kendall said taking a match out of his pocket.

"Bad idea Kendall," Logan said to his friend as he drenched the wood in the metal pit with lighter fluid.

"Oh come on Logan!" Kendall whined. "It will take forever to get started if I just throw the match in there!"

"I didnt say to not put any lighter fluid in," Logan argued. "Just go easy on it. Wait! Take a piece out first so it wont be totally drenched." He warned his blonde friend as he was about to light it. Kendall rolled his eyes.

"Carlos is right, you are a party pooper," Kendall said to him.

"Logans right though," The words left my mouth before I could stop them. Oh great, now it seemed like I was siding with him instead of stating a fact. Shit I sucked at this.

"Know what, im just gonna light it," Kendall said. He scratched the lighter against a stone in the ground and tossed it in the fire pit. A big flame bursted up from the pit, touching the sky. The heat hit us in the face, but the actually event is what made us fall back. I leaned back in my chair, trying to get away from the heat that was burning my face. James leaned back too, but the chair lost its balanced and toppled over, but not before James grabbed on to my chair as a last resort which gave in and made both of us fall backwards. Carlos already jumped out of his chair and ran into the house screaming "Fire!" The fire finally went down and I surveyed the scene. James laid on the ground next to me, his chair underneath him and tangled in his legs. Logan hid behind his chair, peeking over the top to see if the evil fire from hell was coming to eat him. Carlos' chair was on its side while the latino watched from inside the house, peeking through the kitchen window. Kendall fell on his butt by the pit from his reaction of jumping back when the flame lifted up.

"Told you so," Me and Logan said at the same time. We immediately looked at each other and smiled.

"Are you okay?" James said, his dark brown eyes on my face making my heart speed up. He looked sincere, like he cared for me.

I nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, "Yeah im fine. Thanks." He flashed me the most gorgeous smile. Thats when I noticed the red hand mark on his face, and remembered when he fell back, his arms going crazy. He must have accidentally hit himself in the face. I looked around at the others: Kendalls face was streaked with black soot, like he stuck his head in a pile of coal dust. And Logan cowering behind his chair was funny enough.

"Oh come on Remy!" Kendall said to me. "I know your trying not to laugh."

Even though it was true, I shook my head. I was not going to laugh in front of these boys. But I was not ready for what came next. Kendall yelled to James and everything went fast after that.

"James! Grab her!" and before i knew it James was on top of me, his hands forcing mine to the ground. I tried to wiggle free, but he was too heavy. If you thought that was bad, it got worse. Kendall and Logan came over and their hands started searching my stomach and sides, wiggling against my skin.

"Stop! Stop it! Please!" I huffed , trying not to laugh. Who knew tickling was such torture?

Carlos must have thought it looked like fun because he came over and started helping.

"Shes turning blue!" James said, he sounded like he was going into panic mode. "Maybe we should stop."

"No!" Kendall shouted. "Its just because shes holding it in." As they continued to tickle me, my lungs started to ache, burning from the air trapped in them. But I was not going to give them the satisfaction of winning.

That was until Carlos fucked up my plan.

His hands went down my stomach, right above my right kidney which is a very sensitive part of my skin. As soon as he fingers grazed over it, I couldnt help it. My weird, piggy laugh escaped through my lips and I tried to take it back, but more escaped. the guys looked shocked that I actually laughed, and started laughing. I knew then that they were laughing at me, how weird it must have sounded and looked.

The guys finally released me and I laid there on the ground, panting.

"Ha ha!" Kendall said.

"We got you!" James said as he and Carlos high fived.

"You guys are jerks," I huffed out.

"We know," They said at the same time. They went around the fire, picking up their chairs as Kendall prodded the fire with a big stick. James stuck his hand out for me and I grabbed it, sparks shooting up my arm. When I was on my feet, James immidently let go and I blushed, sticking my hands in my pockets. James went and picked up his chair, as well as mine.

"Thanks," I murmured as I sat down, too low for James to hear.

Mrs. Knight came out with a tray. "Who wants smores?" she said and four hands immediately shot up, chorusing "Me! Me! ME!"

"Okay okay!" She shouted above their voices. She came over and sat the tray down on a piece of wood and handed me a bag of marshmallows and Kendall a bunch of metal roasting sticks. I opened the bag and reached into it, grabbing and taking out a gooey white marshmallow. I passed the bag to James who soon handed me a metal stick. I scooted closer to the fire and stuck my marshmallow in it, warming it until it was a nice brown color. Logan got finished with his just before I did and handed me a graham cracker and a mini Hershey bar.

"Thank you," I said, taking the loot from him. I built my sugar sandwich and bit into it. At one point we were just sitting there, chilling by the fire fating ourselves up and having a good time. The weirdness and harmlessness of these boys and how innocent they looked, hanging out with the loser girl. Maybe they really did want to be my friends. It was nice.

Until Carlos screwed it up again.

"Oh my God!" The odd boy screeched, jumping up and knocking over his chair. "Its on fire!" He held up the metal stick with a flaming marshmallow on it and started waving it in the air, like he was signaling an airplane.

"Carlos calm down!" Logan and Kendall repeated over and over to him, trying to get the latino to put down his flaming stick of death. Before I knew what was happening, he flung the stick and everyone went for cover. Someone knocked into me, grabbing my waist as my chair fell over, I landing on top of it. Someone landed on top of me, crushing me into the metal bars of the chair. Just when I saw it was James, the flaming stick of hell landed right by my head. I let out a yelp, immediately regretting it.

I stared at the stick as the fire died out of it. When there were no more flames, I tore my eyes away from it and looked around. Kendall and Logan were huddled together, holding on to each other for dear life. Carlos stared at the stick like it just broke his moms antique vase. James was still on top of me, his head was hovering over my hips, staring into the fire. I dont know why, maybe the scene was funny or maybe how chaotic this whole night was, but I started laughing. It was forced at first, but then I got into it. Kendall, Logan, James and Carlos all turned their eyes to me, looking at me with amazement. But surprisingly, I didnt care. I was laughing, and I didnt care that they thought I was weird. But I soon realized that they were laughing with me. All this time they were joining in on the laughter with me, for once me not being the topic.

After we laughed for a bit, James got off of me, helping me off the ground again. As we fixed our chairs, Kendall came over and wrapped me into a hug.

"See!" He said. "I told you we could get you to laugh!"

"Shut up, Knight," I told him, feeling bold.

We all sat down and for once in my life, I actually enjoyed an event. Know why? Because I felt like I was invited. And that made me smile. No, not my usual small smile. But the smile you get when you see that your boyfriend had gotten the entire varsity football team to sing and dance in a way to ask you to Prom or homecoming.

And it freaking rocked.


	7. The Change

**Hey guys sorry it took so long to update, I got really busy.**

**Heres chapter 7!**

**Enjoy!**

**~XOXOXBecca**

* * *

The next day in English Mrs. Pepper talked about classic books and how they portray conflict and irony, which meant that we were going to get stuck reading a classic book. Something hit my head and I watched as the balled up piece of paper fell to the floor. I shook my head slowly to myself as I traced over a random letter in my notes, making it thicker and darker. Another one hit my head and bounced off to the kid next to me. I ignored it, making any acknowledgement of it might make him think it was me who threw it at him. When the third one hit my head, I quickly looked around to see if I could find out who did it but came out with no one. I sighed and went back to staring at my notes. The fourth ball hit me and rolled onto my lap. I sighed and decided to open it. When I did, this is what I saw:

**_Hi!_**

I looked at the note in confusion. What the hell? Who would be passing me notes? I turned around to see Carlos was sitting three rows over in the back, a big smile on his face as he waved, not caring that he was in class and the teacher noticed. I quickly looked away when she spoke.

"Who are you waving at Mr. Garcia?" Mrs. Pepper asked him, putting her hands on her hips. I prayed to God he wouldnt say me.

"Oh no one, I was trying to get your attention," Carlos said. Wow smart boy. Logan must have taught him a thing or two.

"And why were you trying to do that?" Wow Mrs. Pepper seemed pissed.

"Because I needed your help," Carlos spoke. He tried to stop the smile from spreading on his face. "Can you teach me how to read?"

The whole class interrupted into roars of laughter, some kids even patted Carlos on his back. So Carlos is the class clown in my English class. For the past two years ive tried not to laugh at the fake vomit on the desks and pretending to pee his pants. Ive never would have realized it was Carlos. Even now I tried to stifle the giggles that snuck out of my mouth as Carlos got scolded by Mrs. Pepper.

"Very funny Mr. Garcia," Mrs. Pepper said, clearly not humored. "I do not tolerate tardiness in my class. You will get detention today, I will be sure to inform Principle Lockhart on this."

Carlos didnt seem fazed by getting dentention and having to miss most of his hockey practice because he pumped his fists in the air and yelled, "Party!"

Everyone laughed while Mrs. Pepper turned around on her heels. "Principles office now, Mr. Garcia!"

Carlos' laughter stopped as he nodded. He gathered his things and left the room. Mrs. Pepper shook her head and tried to contain her class. As she continued, I crossed my arms on my desk and laid my chin on them. I knew what I felt last night when I touched James was real. How did I come to having a crush on him? I always thought of him as the cute one of the group every time they ran past me in the hallways, but it wasnt as big as it is now. I guess thats because ive been spending actual time with him, and he seems kind of into me. Now I know thats a long shot, I mean who would want to go out with me? Im a loser whos not even sure shes friends with four hockey players. Plus, James is a player, a ladies man. Every time you see him at a social event, he has a girl on his arm, and when he leaves its someone totally different. Its like that every time. Not that ive gone to many school social events, but ive seen pictures. He was totally not my type either, but I guess you cant choose who you have a crush on. So why I was making it a point to try to impress him? Why am I trying to win him over?

But in 6th period when Kendall asked me to hang out with them after practice I quickly said yes. After Yearbook, I left and quickly went to the bathroom on a route that would make it less a chance to run into the boys. I slathered cherry flavored lip gloss on my lips and ran the evil eye liner pen over my eyes. My bottom lids burned in protest to the pencil, and poked myself in the eye a bunch of times as I applied it. After ten minutes of concentration and pain, I was able to cap it and put it away. I swiped on some mascara and made sure my concealer and foundation was good and left. Last night I did something I never did before. I took at least thirty dollars of my college money and went to buy makeup. I didnt spend all of it, but I actually bought makeup for myself. I looked at the foundation to see what color would best suit my skin, which took a while, but it seemed to look good on me now. I dug through my drawers and found a tee shirt I got for my birthday last year that fit me too well and decided it would do for the occasion. It must have worked because when I walked up to the group, their jaws dropped.

"Hey Remy," Logan said, trying to keep his eyes on mine.

"Hey guys," I said, smiling sweetly and like I was happy.

"Did you do something?" Kendall asked, his bushy eyebrows knitting together. Maybe ill introduce him to a tweezer. Hey those I can use. "You look different."

"Good different?" I asked, going a little dumb on them. I cant be Mrs. Smarty all the time. Especially if I want to get a guy with a lower GPA. Okay, maybe I read some of the magazines in the isle yesterday.

"Oh yesss," Carlos, who was finally out of detention, said absentminded. I didnt like the way he was staring at my boobs, but oh well. Logan hit him on his arm.

"Dude," He whispered and I tried not to laugh.

"Well we should get going then," Kendall said, finally removing his eyes off my chest. I wasnt very comfortable with the looks they gave my body and was second guessing my decision, but couldnt go home now and change. As we exited, james put his arm around me and smiled when I looked up. I blushed and looked down, all thoughts going down the drain.

When we got to the restaurant, I ordered a salad just to be safe and not look like im a fat pig, and using the rest of my thirty dollars. James disappeared for a few minutes, but found him when he came walking back, a huge smile on his face as he flirtly waved at this blonde girl.

"Who was that?" Carlos asked, taking a sip of his Sprite. I was glad Carlos asked because I was thinking the same thing.

"That was Marissa," James said mischievously, moving his eyebrows up and down.

"How long have you known her?" I asked him.

"About five minutes," James answered nonchalantly. I frowned, leaning back in my chair. Just then a blonde chick which must have been 'Marissa' walked by and shot James a flirty grin.

"Hey hot stuff," He winked at her. "We should make out some time."

My stomach dropped and I thought I was going to throw up.

"Remy?" Kendall said, sounding concerned. "Are you okay?"

I attempted to swallow the lump in my throat and shook my head. "I feel sick. I-I need to go home."

I got up quickly and rushed out, their calls behind me. I didnt put my jacket on as I left, just had it slung over my arm. The cold bit and nipped my arms but I didnt care, I was too ashamed. I took off running and slammed the door once I got home, dropping to the ground and crying. How could I have been so stupid? I actually thought I could change myself for a guy? I was tired of living in the shadows, of being the loser girl. I didnt want to be who I pretended to be just now, It was so stupid of me! I was tired of trying to blend into the scene, going around looking like a lost puppy dog. I may be poor, but that doesnt mean I have to look ashamed and scared to be and do what I want to do! Im going to get A's and high scores and work and achieve what I want to be whether everyone likes it or not. Im going to succeed and no one can tell me else.

I got up and bounded up the stairs, slamming the bathroom door behind me. I gathered all the crap I bought yesterday and tossed it into the small bathroom garbage can in the corner. I got the make up from my bag and tossed it out, the eyeliner pencil snapping in two when I tried to get it out, but I didnt care, I just let it drop to the floor. I wasnt going to cover myself up in attempt to make people, and guys, like me. I was not fake and I sure of hell wasnt going to act like it. I spotted the pink razor on my counter and picked it up. Before I could think, I slid it against my wrist, but all it did was shave the few pieces of hair that grew there. Did I really just attempt to cut myself? I know I thought about it the other night, but this time I actually tried. I shook my head in shame. I shouldnt have to think about taking my life just because of stupid teenagers. This was my life, no one elses! I dont wake up to impress people! I threw the razor at the wall. The blade detached itself from the body and both fell to the floor. Im going to do what makes me happy, and that does not include cutting myself.

I went to my bedroom and slammed its door shut also. I pushed my hair back with both my hands in frustration, blowing out a breath as they fall to my sides. I put my hands on my hips and immediately dropped them as I walked over to my bulletin board. It has pictures of me and my mom during different stages of my life time. Well the pictures of different stages of my life time that we could afford. It had awards and ciritifactes and report cards tacked onto it. I took it off my wall and sat it down as I went around my room ripping the pictures of my classmates and random objects at my school from Yearbook that I put up just to look like I have friends and people like me.

I grabbed a box from my closet. What its doing in there, I have no idea. I tossed it on my floor and threw my pictures in there as I went around my room. I took everything off of my bulletin board, push pins falling to the floor, and threw them in the box. I sat down on my bed and sighed, sniffled, then laid down. I looked up at my ceiling, the faded white paint that I so badly wanted to repaint but can never do. I cant wait to get out of this hell hole so bad. Even my mom doesnt care about me, doesnt even know that I almost drowned and died. This sucked. Things were going to start changing. Now.

I got up as soon as the idea hit me and picked up my bulletin board, cursing when I stepped on a tac and cleaned them up.

* * *

The next morning I got up, still pretty steamed, and went into the shower. I scrubbed all of my frustration out, well most of it anyways. I put on a pair of jeans and a red tee shirt. I took time and curled my hair today and decided to put on some eye liner. I took the pointy part of the pencil off of the floor and blew on it, wiping whatever dirt or dust that got on it and slid it on my eyes. I took the concealer out to cover a zit that popped up on my chin. satisfied, I put on my sneakers and a black sweatshirt and left for school.

Kendall was sitting at a table in the library when I walked in. No one was there and the librarian left for a minute. My hand slammed down on the table in front of him and he looked up.

"Why do you like me?" I yelled before he could speak. He got taken aback and looked confused, but I continued to yell at him. "Is it because of sympathy? Did you think I jumped into the water as suicide? Is it because im a loser?"

Kendall just looked shocked and dumbfounded, his mouth gaping open. Sounds came out like he was trying to speak, but I wouldnt let him. I just kept yelling.

"Yeah, befriend me because I have no other friends. You think its funny to make me think you guys want to be friends with me?" I threw my hands up in frustration.

"Remy. . . " He tried to talk, but I shut him up.

"Know what Knight, just forget it," I said. "But im not just going to stand here and be made as a joke."

I turned around and stormed out of the library, almost hitting into the librarian who finally came back, but moved away quick enough. I may regret yelling at Kendall, but im not going to worry about the future now, I'll deal with it when it comes. But for now, im living off the energy.


	8. Yes, That Happened

**Hey guys! So sorry it took me so long to update! I was sick and now im having problems getting onto the internet because my internet company is run by a bunch of douche-masters! So i'll try to update as soon as I can!**

**BTW, the thanksgiving chapter is gonna be a bit delayed (obv.) so ill have it up as soon as I can!  
**

**But I hope you like the chapter!  
**

**Enjoy!  
**

**~XOXOXBecca  
**

**P.S. I almost never write in a third person POV. So I hope its not horrible!  
**

* * *

I avoided the guys all day, ignoring them as I made my way through the halls and to my classes. Even in English where Carlos tried to get my attention, ignoring the balls of paper he threw at me that were now gathered on the floor, surrounding my desk. He was sent to the principles office again. I went around, aggravated and plain pissed off, showing people that I did exist on this planet. I was doing pretty good staying away from the guys until Yearbook. When I walked out James was standing by the door waiting for me. I hurried and tried to blend into the crowd, but James called after me. I soon broke from the crowd and quickly walked, hoping James would get off of my tail. But his calls for me just kept echoing through the halls.

"Remy!" His voice called from behind me. "Remy wait! Please stop!" I ignored him and just kept walking. The doors to the outside were right in front of me when his hand clamped down on my shoulder, turning me around.

"Remy, whats going on? Are you okay? Whats up?" James asked. Concern. Confusion. Oblivious. Yup, all those expressions seem to be playing out on his face and in his eyes, seeping into his voice. "Kendall told me what happened. That you just went up to him and started yelling at him. Whats going on?"

I exhaled an aggravated sigh as I crossed my arms, rolling my eyes. "Why does it matter to you James? Why does any of it matter to you!"

James looked taken a back for a moment. "Because your my friend. Our friend, Remy."

"Oh really?" I questioned. Oh yeah, James was so getting my bitch side. Especially what happened last night. "So you're saying this isnt just a big joke?"

"What?" James almost shouted. "Why would it be a joke?"

"Because," I said, my voice cracking. "Why would four of the most coolest guys in school want to be friends with a loser like me?"

James' face softened, looking at me with those gorgeous brown eyes. The ones I could no longer look at because his womanizing ways kept them out of view.

"Maybe we dont think of you as a loser, did you ever think of that?" James asked me, I nodded.

"Yes, I have James," my voice dropping down to a whisper. "Ive pondered the answer many times. And I just dont know."

"Why do you think that way Remy?" James asked me, getting me pissed all over again.

"Why do you care? Where's 'Marissa'" I said her name like I would say it, like im showing a very bad way of caring.

James shrugged, his hands in the pockets of his dark blue jeans. " I dont know. And I kind of dont care."

"Oh so thats how you do it," I threw my hands up in frustration. "Make out with them and leave? Just use them for pleasure and dump them like their nothing?" If that was the case then im glad I didnt go for him.

"What?!" James said, completely shocked and pissed off now. "Why would you even think that?"

"Because last night you were all 'oh your hot why not we make out' and now you dont even care where she is?" I shouted at him.

"Did you ever think that maybe I was trying to make you jealous?" James shouted back, and now it was my turn to be shocked.

"What?" I shouted at him in disbelief. "Why on earth would you want to make me jealous?"

"God Remy," James growled in frustration. "You are so insecure. Why do you always have to think lower for yourself?"

I honestly had no reply for that. So I just stood there, opening and closing my mouth a few times before sticking with it being closed. I was not going to crumble down from his words. I crossed my arms and stood up straight, looking away. I could not believe anything James was saying to me right now. I mean really? Why would he want to make me jealous? Did he actually like me like me, or was he just messing around with my brain? I had no idea and I didnt know to believe him or not. And did I really want him anyways? To go out there and risk getting my heartbroken because I was stupid?

"We like you Remy," James said to me, I still was not meeting his eyes, staring at the line where vinyl floor meets the metal of the lockers. James sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I like you Remy."

My heart pounded in my chest, my head spinning round in round trying to find the right path to go. I remembered a conversation I had with Kendall, who said the answer to my question was held by James. But I never got around to asking James the one thing thats been chewing at me from the inside out. I took a deep breath and looked James straight in the eye, my voice a whisper.

"Why did you save me?"

**Flashback No POV**

_"Im faster than you!" Carlos huffed out a laugh as he ran._

_"Like hell you are!" James said, right behind him. After the game the guys stood by the parking lot, watching the lake until everyone was gone, like they do after every game. Its a good chance for them to play some one on one, or two on two in their case. But this time a girl stood alone by the lake. James had seen her around school and knew that if they hurried he would get there and have a reason to talk to her. But Kendall and Logan's shouts to wait made him skid to a halt a few yards away. Noticing that no one was coming after him, Carlos stopped and ran back, stopping next to James just as Logan and Kendall jogged up._

_"Jeez, you two need to stop downing the four cans of energy drinks before each game," Kendall huffed. "I mean its great for the game but just freaking tiring afterwards." Logan laughed besides him earning dirty looks from his two best crazy buds. Carlos then started arguing to Logan and Kendall about it so James turned his attention to someone else. The girl still stood there, alone and looking a bit lost. James had never talked to her even though he walks by her everyday. But hey, he's nervous, he just cant walk up to the pretty girl and start talking. She was different, James knew it. She wasnt like any other girl. It intimidated him and just gave him another reason to stall. But this time, James was ready. There she stood, yards away after watching the sucky game they played that night. As he looked at her, okay stared, he knew he needed her. The top layer of her hair was a dark red, reminding James of one of his favorite sweet treats, a red velvet cupcake. underneath the red, some dark brown hair stood out and peeked out at the bottom. By the color of her roots and eye brows, this was her natural color. Her eyes were a dark brown, like dirt. Like the dirt on the lovely earth that gave James air and who couldnt love someone who had the same color eyes of something that lives on something that gives you air? At that moment, the thoughts about her being cute whenever he passed now turned into thoughts about kissing her. Taking her out on sweet romantic dates. Thoughts that James never had about another girl. But his thoughts stopped abruptly when he was pulled into the conversation._

_"Huh, what?" James said, turning to face Logan who spoke the words he did not hear to him. Carlos snickered besides him and Logan breathed out a frustrated sigh._

_"Did you hear anything I said?" The smart one said, aggravated at his oblivious friend for being. . . well, oblivious._

_"No," Kendall said, deciding to answer for James. He had his familiar mischievous smirk on his face, a twinkle in his green eyes. "He's too busy looking at that girl over there." Kendall leaned over James' shoulder, nodding in her direction. James glared at him and Kendall just snickered. James was about to say some nasty remark or punch Kendall in the face, but stopped when Carlos spoke._

_"What girl?" Carlos asked curiously, looking around behind James._

_"That girl over there-" Kendall spoke, but dropped when he saw no one. His eyebrows furrowed as he checked over his shoulders and around for the girl. Now curious, James turned around to see the girl gone also. She was there not even a minute ago and now shes vanished, like a ghost into thin air. It only took a second of bewilderment until the shrill of a cry rang out into the night. The boys exchanged looks as everything locked into place and were able to react. They took off towards the ice, dropping their hockey bags, sticks and skates to the ground at the edge of the lake before scurrying onto the ice, trying not to fall as they searched the pond. Logan and James both fell down before getting back on their feet, but Kendall already called out._

_"I found something!" His voice panicked, his stomach tying in knots as his three best friends rushed over to him as quickly as they could and knelt besides him, gathering around the hole that has formed in the ice by someone falling in._

_"She must have fallen in!" Logan said, his breath quickening as he tried to get his brain to kick in._

_"No shit Sherlock!" Kendall said._

_"Im going to see if I can see her," Kendall said and stuck his head into the icy water. After searching as far as his eyes would allow him, he took his head out of the water and huffed. "I cant find her!"_

_"Okay, okay," James said, adrenaline pumping through him excessively, making him dizzy. Logan started sweeping the frozen lake with his hand, moving snow away._

_"Move the snow and see if you can find her through the ice!" Logan said and everyone began moving quickly. It wasnt long before Carlos yelled out._

_"I found her!"_

_Everyone rushed to Carlos where they saw the outline of a girl._

_"How are we going to get her?!" Kendall said._

_"Someone has to break the ice and jump in and save her," Logan said. Logan and Carlos chorused for her to move down, James made his decision. without second guessing it, he took off his jacket and threw it behind him, it landing partly in the hole where the girl had fallen in._

_"What do you think your doing?" Kendall asked him nervously as James' boot connected with the ice that gave in under it._

_"Im going in after her," James said, about to dive. But Logan stopped him._

_"Your boots!" Logan exclaimed. "They will just drag you down farther!" James sighed aggravtedly. He didnt have time to take off his boots! The seconds it took him to do that is seconds more that he could save her life! But if he was being dragged down with her, it wouldnt do them any good. Plus, he would be wasting precious time arguing with Logan. So James hurriedly took off his shoes and tossed them aside before plunging into the water. It engulfed him into its iciness, dragging him in an icy hug. He swam down until he saw her, floating motionless. He grabbed her around her waist and hugged her close to him, getting a better grip of her to make sure she didnt slip out of his grip. Panic then settled into James when he realized what he was doing. But he couldnt stop now. Heart racing, James kicked and pushed with all his might up towards the sky. He hadnt been so happy in his life until he broke the surface with the girl in his arms. He took in the chilly nights air, which was warmer than the waters. But he fully wasnt relieved until the motionless girl he prayed the whole way up wasnt dead started choking and spitting up water. As Kendall, Logan, and Carlos helped her out, James looked up and said a thank you prayer to God._

* * *

After James finished the story of what had happened that night, I just stood there and gaped at him. So many emotions were running through me right now, keeping me from finding words to speak. It was hard to believe what had actually happened. I spent forever wanting to know why I had been saved, but now since I found out, I couldnt bring myself to actually believe it. Through the story, James looked and sounded so sincere, so caring. His voice low and smooth as he told me his feelings, sometimes not even meeting my gaze. I just stood there frozen into place, not knowing what to say or do next. Part of me believed him, but the other part didnt want to admit I did in the chance of me getting hurt if I said too much. But as James told the story, it was like he was trying to tell the truth to someone who didnt believe him, like after a fight or a kiss that was not of their actions but was caught by their girlfriend or boyfriend and was just trying to explain. But it was like the final words that are said after the first confrontment and some possible avoidment.

But I believed James. And I knew I would regret my next actions, but I tried not to think to much of the future, I just wanted to live in the present.

As James met my eyes and held my gaze, I took the short steps between us to get closer. James knew my intentions and was ready when I got near him. His hands cupped my face as our lips met. It was my first kiss, and it was amazing! His lips were soft against mine, caressing my face in his hands. But since I was shorter then he was, and then average girls my age, I had to stand on my tip-toes. It was all over now, I couldnt deny or lie about my feeling for and too James any longer. No, not after this. All my anger now has to be dealt with, and not secretly. If I could erase his memory, make him forget about the kiss and the feelings that had passed between us during our kiss, so I could go back and hide in the shadows, be invisible again, I probably would. Now I fully knew what they meant when they said love was blind.


	9. A Sunday Fun Day Snow Day

**Hey guys! So sorry its been so long since I've updated! Im having problems with my internet at home so I cant really get on. So I will post more as soon as I can! I have more chapters written up but I just dont have time right now to post them. So I hope you enjoy this one! I hope yall's have a Merry Christmas!**

**Enjoy!**

**~XOXOXBecca**

* * *

I was woken the next morning from the sound of something being thrown against my house.

I ignored it and snuggled into my comforter, trying to go back to sleep. It had been four days since me and James kissed. I thought he was going to run away screaming and never to be seen again. But things have actually been going smooth. After that awkward moment when we disconnected our lips and looked away from each other still in each others arms and not sure what to say or do next, James had to go to hockey practice and told me he'd talk to me later. I of course went home to go bang my head against the wall. I avoided them at lunch the next day, but James knew that and found me in the yearbook room pinning up my pictures. We talked about it, and it was true, there was no denying it. And it didnt just apply to me. James had told the guys sometime on Thursday or Friday. But all I know is that on Friday in English I got a note from Carlos exclaiming that we kissed. I turned around and nodded at him. He made an O with his mouth in surprise and smiled. I laughed lightly and went back to my work. After Yearbook on Friday the guys bombarded me as I walked out and interrogated me. apparently they already got James' side of the story. So the guys know we like each other, but none of us know what we are going to do about it. I guess you could tag us as together, but we havent gone out. I keep wondering and turning it around in my head of when he is going to ask me out. Im hoping soon. But right now our relationship is kind of laid back. We flirt, hold hands, he keeps kissing me on my cheek which is adorable. If it has to stay this way forever, im happy.

As the sound kept acuring, I groaned and threw off my covers and got up and went down stairs. I threw open the door for not even a second when a snow ball hit the side of my face and on my shoulder. I closed my eyes before I ran out there to kill him.

"Remy! Hi!" Kendall said in an easy tone, hoping I wouldn't strangle him.

"Hi Kendall," I said flatly, shaking the ice off of my shoulder. The outside air was cold against my bare skin. Thats what I get for wearing shorts and a tee shirt to bed in November.

"So we were just gonna come out and play in the snow, but we wanted to know if you wanted to come?" Kendall asked me. Logan and Carlos were wrestling down the walkway on the sidewalk. James stood besides them watching us. He gave me the most cutest smile ever and waved. I waggled my fingers and smiled at him.

"Come on Remy!" Carlos called from the sidewalk. "Its a Sunday Fun Day Snow Day!"

I laughed and decided why not. "Sure," I told Kendall.

"Awesome!" Kendall said. "We will wait here while you get change into something more. . . warm."

I shut the door and went up to my room to change. Throughout the week the weatherman kept warning us about a snow storm that was moving in and was going to hit sometime on Friday. So thats why they let school out early on Friday so we would be home when the storm hit. It hit late that night but I was already in bed by then.

I put on a pair of jeans, deciding on skipping the fuzzy socks this time, and a pair of cute heelless boots that went well into mid shin. I tossed on a long sleeve blue shirt, a sweatshirt and my black winter coat. I threw a beanie on my head and went down stairs. As soon as I closed the door behind me I was enveloped into a hug.

"James put me down!" I laughed as my feet were lifted off the ground. "Im still mad at you for trying to make me jealous."

"Well im not going to put you down until you forgive me," He said as I was gradually thrown over his shoulder. He walked down the walk way and finally put me down when we were by the rest of the guys.

"You jerk," I laughed and punched him lightly on his shoulder. He flashed me a grin which made my body numb.

As we walked down the sidewalk his arm went around me and hugged me closer to him. I laid my head on his shoulder for a second before picking it back up. He rubbed my arm, gave it a squeeze, then let go.

"AHHHHH!" Carlos screamed as he ran up from behind us. I hadn't notice that he dropped back. But he did and thought it was the perfect opportunity for an unexepected snow ball attack. I moved out of the way from his path as he ran yelling towards Kendall. Kendall tackled him after being pelted with snowballs and they both fell to the ground. Soon after that we all started throwing snow balls at each other and had a full on snowball fight going on. But we were also walking and running up and down the streets, running from and after each other. I stopped and laid back letting the boys in front of me. I was tired and couldn't run anymore. I was hot too and sweating underneath all my layers. I huffed and began walking after them at a slower pace.

"Hey look we're at my house!" Carlos pointed out as we stopped in front of a house. It was a big normal white house here in Minnesota with blue shutters and door. Two big windows stood on either side of the door, looking into the house, but at the moment white curtains hung over them so you couldn't see what rooms they were. "Who wants hot chocolate?"

The boys whooped as they ran up the walkway and through the front door. I followed after them, not as hyper.

"Mom we're here!" He called out, taking off his jacket and tossing it on the floor as he followed after his friends who were running up the stairs.

A spanish women in her thirties with short brown hair walked into the room and picked up Carlos' jacket. "Carlos! What did I tell you about leaving your clothes all over the house?"

She seemed pretty annoyed, but stopped when she saw me.

"Hi!" she said, trying to be nice but a little confused of why im in her house.

"Hi," I said back. "Im Remy."

Her face lit up with regonization and she grabbed my hand in a hand shake. "Oh Remy hi! Im sorry! Carlos has told me so much about you! Come come!" She ushered me inside a room off of the hall and into the kitchen. She went off by the stove and turned it off. "Its so nice to finally meet you!"

I smiled. She was such a cute women! So much like Carlos! And who couldnt love Carlos? "Its so nice to meet you too!"

"Sit sit!" She says as she sits down at the table. I take a seat next to her at the round chestnut kitchen table. "So I hear that you've claimed one of our boys?" she asks mischievously taking a sip out of the mug she had.

I smiled and looked down at my hands which were folded in my lap. A blush creeps onto my cheeks. "Haha, yeah I guess so."

"So tell me, which one is it?" She asks, a smile on her face like she was truly interested. I guess having four boys around all the time she needs some girl time. I mean shes got the other three moms and Katie, and I dont think Logan, Carlos, or James have sisters. But sometimes I guess its fun to talk to a teenage girl.

I dont answer her right away and she understands as she looks up at the entrance where the boys come bounding in through, laughing and joking around loudly about who knows what. Mrs. Garcia gets up and gets out four mugs and places them on the counter next to the stove. "You want some Remy?"

"Yes please," I answer politely. She turns the boiling water off and pours them into the mugs. She adds some cocoa powder, stirs them, and hands them off to the boys. While they wait, James stands behind my chair, his hands holding the back. He realises when he goes get his cocoa and takes off out of the room with the rest of the boys. I stare after him, wanting to spend more time with him. When I turn back to Mrs. Garcia, she has a knowing smile on her face.

"So James is your man?" She asks.

I laugh, which makes her laugh along with me. I nod slowly, probably as red as a tomato. "Yeah, James is my man."

"So how long have you guys been together?" She asks as she takes the mug to her lips.

I grip the handle on my mug and sip some of the cocoa, but it's too hot and burns my tongue so I sit it back down. "I dont know," I answer honestly. "We havent actually went out on a date. We kissed and then talked and it seems like we're a thing. But its not totally clear." Sip.

"Hmm," Mrs. Garcia ponders as she sips from her mug, which I soon figure out is coffee. "Well maybe you gotta show him you're not gonna come easy." Im a little shocked by this answer and give her a befuddled look. "Look, those boys have been friends since PeeWee hockey, ive known them almost their entire lives. And I know that James usually gets stuff handed to him. But make him wait, show him your just not going to run to him because he wants a girlfriend. Make him fight for you. It'll be a challenge for him, but it'll make him crazy for you." She winks at me and I mull over it. Shes right. I cant just agree to be his arm candy after a kiss and a talk. If I want him to ask me out, I have to show him that he has to put effort into this relationship. Just because im the lonely loser girl doesn't mean I cant get another guy. Okay well maybe it does, but so not the point.

I nod at her. "That sounds like a pretty good plan."

She nods and looks up to the ceiling and frowns at the noise. "Carlos!" she yells as she stands up and walks out of the room. "Keep it down! And pick your underwear off of the floor!" I snort out a laugh and take another sip of my hot chocolate. It burns my tongue, but I dont care. If I wait any longer it wont be hot chocolate anymore, it would just be chocolate powder in water. I snicker when I hear Carlos whine to his mom about being embarrassing as I hear him run down the stairs and back up. Mrs. Garcia comes back in and leans over my chair, putting something in my hand.

"Show him your someone to fight for," she winks at me and I take the hair tie.

"Thanks," I said and pulled my hair to the side.

"You're welcome," She says and takes another sip of her coffee. She watches me as I braid my hair loosely at the side. "I can see it in your eyes. So whats keeping it from you? Strict parents? Money problems?" I understand perfectly what she says.

Im kind of torn between on what to tell Mrs. Garcia. Do I tell her about us being poor? Or do I tell her only some of it?

"I have a job," I say. "But I dont like to splurge my paycheck. Im trying to save up for college."

"You know Remy," she said. "Those boys have had plenty of girls come through those doors, but none of them have been quiet like you. Your different. Special. Dont be afraid to show it."

I give her a small smile. Shes really something. Shes that mom that you could talk to anything about. Friend problems, boys, anything and everything. Then she would bake you cookies and help you feel better. "Thank you Mrs. Garcia."

"You know," she sighs, and sits up straighter, grabbing her mug, about to get up. "Its okay to shop for yourself. Go out and spend some of that paycheck girl! You're young, you shouldnt have to worry about that kind of stuff. Hey if your smart enough and do good in school, you could get a scholarship."

"That would be good if that were the case," I sigh. "My dad left us when I was six, and ever since then things have been tough for me and my mom. So I use my paycheck to help her out."

She comes and sits back down with a new cup of coffee. "Remy, you're too young to have a responsiblity like that! It is really sweet of you though to help your mom like that. But you're young! Come on, at least once a paycheck go buy yourself something nice. And not cheap either! Promise?" She really gets it. I just told her one of the most important things ever and she gets it.

So I really have no other choice but to agree with her.

"I promise," I say and smile. "But please, dont tell anyone about what I just told you."

She makes a zipping motion with her hands. "This conversation wont be said again."

"Thank you," I said as I drink more cocoa. We talk some more about everything, but nothing as personal. She invites me over for Thanksgiving and of course I agree.

"Is there anything I can bring?' I ask her.

"Not really," she says. "I mean if you want to bring a little something that would be great!"

After talking to Mrs. Garcia for a few more minutes, the boys came down and said that we were going. We just got on the sidewalk when Mrs. Garcia yelled out.

"Carlos Garcia!" She said and then rambled some things angrily in spanish. "I thought I told you to shovel the driveway!"

"Sorry but I forgot," Carlos stammered.

"Nah uh, you promised!" Mrs. Garcia scolded. She called Carlos into the house and he went reluctantly after saying bye to us. We started walking again, but we all know from experience that after one goes home everyone has to go in too. Its like the domino effect of a group of friends. Logan said he had homework he had to finish up, which I thought was oddly strange because I would have thought he would have done it on Friday. But Kendall told me it was extra credit and its stuff for next semester after Logan jogged away. But soon after Logan disappeared from sight, Kendall got a call from his mom saying he had to go home and do chores but that he would catch up with us later. So we said goodbye to him and now it was just me and James.

"Do you have to go now too?" I asked mockingly, making him laugh.

"No," He smiled, looking down at his feet. "My moms working today so I dont have her nagging for me to do chores."

"Okay good, because I dont think I could handle James Diamond ditching me for his mop," I teased.

He stopped and gasped at me, going into drama queen mode. "You know about me and Moppey?"

"Moppey?" I snorted. "Really James? You couldnt come up with a better name for a mop then Moppey?"

"Hey," He said, bumping into me as we started walking. I bumped him back, then he did to me, and I to him.

"So," He said dragging out the word. "Where do you want to go?"

"Hmm," I pondered this. "Somewhere thats warm and has coffee."

* * *

Ten minutes later we were in Starbucks. I told James that I would order if he got us a seat, showing him that I can also be in control. After insisting to pay, I took the money from James' outstretched hand and moved up in the line as he went to found our seat. Even though it was a little difficult, I was following Mrs. Garcia's advice and so far it was working. Showing him that I was independent on my own is a crucial way for a shy (or a bit social awkward like me) girl to show him that I dont need him for everything. It had worked, he was hesitant to go, but after kissing me softly on the cheek and squeezing my hand, he left. I scanned around the crowded coffee shop until I found him at a table for two by the side window. I would have never thought I would have a boyfriend while I was in high school, let alone James Diamond, an excellent hockey player and the second most popular guy in school. I never doubted that I would daydream about us going out, but I would have doubted you the second you started saying I was on his mind. That just seemed so crazy and unrealistic. But now its legit and im starting to wonder if im dreaming.

When it was my turn, I walked up to the counter and ordered- a peppermint mocha for me, a caramel latte for James, and a big chocolate chip muffin-and stepped to the side to wait for our order. I remembered to stand up straight with a hint of a smile on my lips. Mrs. Garcia said that smiling a little not only shows that your friendly by not frowning, but also comes out as a little flirty. I dont know how she knows this, but im thankful. After our order came, I carried the two iced coffees and our muffin in its bag over to the table. When I got there, I wasnt even sure James was aware that I came, just glaring at a spot behind me so intently I thought that whatever he was glaring at would explode. I sat down and tried to get his attention.

"James, Helloooo?" I said snapping my fingers in front of his face. "James. Whats going on? What are you glaring at?"

I turned in my seat and followed his gaze which landed on a table that was right by the door where a bunch of guys who looked like they were in high school were laughing.

I turned back to James and raised my eyebrow at him, daring him to answer me. He moved his gaze to me for a minute as he spoke, his face softening.

"That guy was checking you out," He almost growled and went back to shooting daggers with his eyes at him.

I never thought James as the type to get jealous, but as he stared that guy down, I tried the best I could not to laugh. It was funny because he was just so darn cute. And funny because I would have never even thought James would get jealous at a guy checking me out ever. It may sound wrong, but I was kind of happy some other guy caught an interest to me. Thats just a bonus. I have to remember to thank Mrs. Garcia later.

I twisted around to look at them once more when one of them turned around and caught my gaze. He had blonde hair with the tips brown and big blue eyes. He smiled at me in a way too friendly way and im pretty sure I heard James growl. I turned my attention back to my savior who all but had steam coming out of his ears.

"James," I said softly. "Ignore him. Im with you, not him."

"I know but-" James about whined, switching his eyes to me. I put a hand up to stop him.

"That is unless you want me to be here with him and not you?" I raised my eyebrows in question.

He sighed and slumped back. "Okay fine."

"Thats my boy," I teased and sipped my mocha. We sat there in silence for a little while, just sipping our coffee. I had forgotten about the muffin and pulled it out of its bag, unwrapping it and sticking it on its wrapper, pushing it in the middle of the table for me and James to share. We picked bits from it and ate it that way.

"So, this is like our first date," James said with a smile.

I shrugged. "Yeah I guess."

He frowned. "What do you mean 'I guess'?"

I shrugged again. "I dont know."

"Do you not want it to be our first date?" He asked me. I saw something in his eyes. Worry? Hurt? I wasnt sure, but this was my time to lead him down my path.

"Honestly James," I sighed. "No I dont." He nodded slowly at this, I continued. "Our first date is my first date. A quick trip to the coffee shop where we split a muffin because we're bored is not really a date date, but more as an outing that couples are supposed to have. I mean if we planned it before, then yeah it would be a date. But having it spontaneous like this-" I sighed. "I dont know. I always imagined my first date kind of planned."

James nodded at this, taking it in. "Alright. Thats it then."

I was a little shocked at this. "What do you mean thats it?"

"Thats it then. If you want me to tell you when to go on a date and take you to a spectacular restaurant. Then I will do just that." He smiled at me and I couldnt help but to return it.

"Thanks," I said.

"Now how about we go on a date tonight?" He asked, my face fell. "What?"

I sighed. "tonight's no good."

"Why not?" He asked.

=====FLASHBACK: Friday Morning=====

I bounded down the stairs hurrying to make sure I wasnt late for school when I heard a throat clear behind me.

"Remy, honey can you hold on a sec?" My mom asked me. I turned around, startled to see my mother sitting in one of the chairs at our little kitchen table. She was in her work uniform for today, her hair a mess as she drank a cup of coffee. I wasnt aware that my mom was home this morning. Shes been busy lately and hasnt been home in the mornings when I get up and leave for school.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning and taking a few steps towards her.

"My boss told me I can have Sunday evening off," She said in a sleepy tone. "And I thought maybe that we could go out to eat. I havent seen you much lately and it would be a good time to catch up."

I nodded at her, about to answer but she spoke first. "And Im not talking about going to McDonald's or Burger King. I already made reservations for Il Foreno."

Il Foreno is an expensive Italian restaurant a town over. Ive never been there, but always envied the people in there who sat and ate the delicious looking food as I walked past them on my way back to the car after ive been to the craft store. I would have never guessed my mom getting reservations there.

So here my mother was, asking me if I wanted to have a mother-daughter dinner date at Il Foreno on Sunday night? Of course I agreed.

"Yeah, I would love that," I answered and smiled at her before turning back and leaving for school.

As I told James what happened, he agreed and said he totally understood.

"How about Friday night?" He asked me.

I snorted. "Only if you want to get killed. Next Friday is Black Friday remember?" I added after he gave me a questionable look.

"Okay how about next Saturday?"

I smiled. "Next Saturday is perfect."

He shot me a dazzling smile and lifted his almost empty latte cup. "To next Saturday."

"To next Saturday!" I sang as I lifted my own almost empty cup and tapped them together before taking another swig.

After sitting and talking for a while and ordering another mocha, James walked me back home so I could get ready. I put on a white summery dress that looked liked a shirt. It was a nice blousy tank top with lace bunched up in the front. I paired it with black tights and a long gray cardigan that hit the back of my knees. I paired it with a pair of wedges to make it look comfy, but not too casual. I undid my side braid and curled my hair, making my outfit look more nice.

I heard a car horn outside and looked out my window. I bounded down the stairs and swung the front door open. The passenger window was rolled down and Kendall's head stuck out as he leaned over the seat.

"Need a ride?" He asked me. I was assuming that James had told him about the outing with my mom today since I didn't tell anyone else besides James, and my mother doesnt know their parents.

I nodded, "That would be wonderful, thank you." I got into the passenger side after I got my keys and phone. My mother said that she had to work up to an hour before our reservations, and it takes about a good forty-five minutes to get to the restaurant, so she said she would meet me there. But since I had no other way to get there I was going to take the bus. Thats why im so grateful that Kendall came to pick me up.

The car ride was mostly silent except for a few conversations about school and extracurriculars.

"So you want to be a photographer?" Kendall said.

"Mmhmm," I answered, looking out the window. It was dark now, the horizon showed a little orange of the sun that had long gone away. Snow was falling lightly outside and I started second guessing the cardigan.

"Thats awesome," Kendall exclaimed as he drove. He started fiddling with the controls on the dashboard as we stopped at a red light, adjusting the heat.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Theres just something about pictures I like. Taking them, looking at them. To come across a photo a few years from when it was took and to look at it, to be brought back to the memory of when you took it. How everything and everyone around had changed. To be brought back to a happier time."

Kendall made a face as he registered this, pondering his thoughts. I couldnt believe how easy it was to talk to him. I just told him something that came very close to home base for me and it was just so naturally it was weird.

Kendall glanced at me and started re-thinking his words about how much I revealed through my words.

"I think you'll be an amazing photographer Remy,"Kendall said softly.

I smiled at him. "Thanks Kendall."

He shot me a grin which soon turned into a smirk I was growing to know too well. "Hey if everything goes well you can photograph your boyfriend when he becomes famous." We both started laughing after this and didnt stop until he pulled up in front of the restaurant.

"Thank you Kendall," I said as I stepped out of the minivan.

"Any time," He said. "Have fun."

I snorted a laugh. "I will." I shut the door and walked around the front of the car and hopped onto the curb.

"Remy," Kendall's voice rang out through the noise of the semi-busy town. I turned to face him. "If you need anything, dont be afraid to call. Any of us."

"I wont," I said, offering a generous smile and waved as he rolled his window back up and pulled away.

Five minutes later I was seated at one of the tables in Il Foreno waiting for my mom to arrive. I knew it was nice in here, but I didnt know it was this nice. They must make sure to have everything more into the restaurant so when you look in through the windows you dont really know how nice it is in here. You really just have to experience it for yourself. The walls were made out of smooth stones that were mostly gray, but where scattered with some red and white ones. Small chandeliers hung from above the white dome ceiling, making it appear dim, but nice. Dark waxed wooden tables were covered with white tablecloths, a white candle in a glass dome holder sat atop lit on every table. Our table was placed up against an island of plants. A stone border rose up to my shoulders and then was overflowed and towered with plants. Off a little to the front of me a small fountain was placed. It had a round, smooth marble base, a women stood in the middle of it, made of the same marble with cloth wrapped around her body flowing down to her feet. It was made so that the cloth was sliding off her shoulder and slipt mid-thigh of her bent leg. Her porcelain hair was piled at the top of her head as she held a water jug sideways, spilling water out. It was your typical European fountain. Italian music played softly in the background as I sighed, drumming my fingers lightly on the table.

"Sorry im late!" My mom said a minute later as she hurried up to the table and slid into the seat across from me.

"No its okay," I assured her as I closed the menu I was looking at. "I ordered your drink if thats alright," I told her as the waitress came and sat down two glasses in front of us.

"Oh no its fine," My mom said taking a sip of her coke.

We sat in silence as we looked at the menu. After we ordered, the conversation began. My mom asked how my life was: school and yearbook. I told her about my A's and about the big project in yearbook we're doing where we have to collect highlights and stuff about the past year to show off after we rang in the new year. The photographers have to take pictures of all the sports teams and teachers and events throughout the year, which we did, and have to make about a dozen different boards to hang around the school. I also told her about the guys, how they saved me and took care of me; how wonderful they've been to me and how we are all friends, about Kendall and Carlos' moms. But I dont think she heard me after I told her about that night at the pond.

"Remy, I had no idea. . . " She said so softly it was a whisper. My mother looked on the verge of tears.

"Mom its okay," I told her. Honestly, I was past the whole thing about her not knowing. I was still kind of upset about it, but as I looked at my mother now, that all vanished. She truly felt bad about it.

"No its not," My mom said. "You almost died, and I didnt know about! You werent home for an entire weekend and I didnt even notice!"

"Mom its not your fault-" I said but was cut off.

"Yes it is!" My mom almost shouted. "I should notice when your home a little late, but a whole weekend?" My mom put her face in her hands, clearly ashamed about it.

"Mom," I said. No answer. "Mom!" After a few more tries at her name and tugging at her forearms, she finally lifted her head and spoke.

"Thats it," She sniffled, wiping under her eyes. "Im quieting one of my jobs. I cant have you be alone all this time."

"What!" I shouted. A few people looked over at us so I dropped my tone. "Mom you cant quiet one of your jobs!"

"Yes I do," She said. "I am still your mother, I still need to be there for you."

"I know, mom, I know," I whispered. "But thats exactly why you need that job."

My mother shook her head. "No I dont. Its not doing anything for us. Both me and you are working and things still arent the best. If you have a job and I have a job and we will be able to spend time together will be the best for us."

I looked at my mother, unsure about all of this. She was right, downright true. But that second job helped us a lot. But if both of her jobs are barely cutting it and I dont have her, then there really is no point. So I just nodded.

"Besides," My mother said, sitting straight up and clapping her hands on the table. "I have some help."

"What do you mean?" I asked her, truly curious. I wonder what this could be. . . .

"Well," She said. "I kind of have a boyfriend."

I thought I passed out.

"What?" I said, too shocked to raise my voice any higher. "Who? Why? Where? How?"

My mom laughed at me. "Remy, honey its fine." And my mother started explaining to me about her new beau. apparently his name is Phil and they met while my mother was cleaning one of his offices one night. It was all business until she accidentally spilt bleach on his red carpet and they started joking around and blah blah blah. Now they've been seeing each other for three weeks. He's rich and said he would help my mother in any way needed.

"Wow," was all I could say. I was still too shocked to make more words come out.

"Im sorry I didnt tell you sooner, "she said. "I just didnt want to get you too amped up if it didnt work out. But Im positive it is. You dont mind do you?"

I shook my head and took a big gulp of my Sprite. "No not at all." And you dont mind that I also have a new boy also? I wanted to say.

"So how about you?" My mother asked, sipping her drink. "Any one of those boys you were telling me about strike your interest?"

Oh gosh here we go.


	10. Thanksgiving, This Should Be Interesting

On Thursday morning I sat crossed legged on the couch in my living room, chowing down on a bowl of store brand fruity pebbles and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Every year on the morning of Thanksgiving I make sure that I am up and down the stairs in time to watch the parade. Its a tradition. My mom is never home when its on and she says that its fine, but I still feel a pang of sadness when its on and shes not here.

As performers danced and sung in front of Macy's, I couldnt help but allow my mind to wonder about whats going to happen today. At dinner on Sunday night after I told my mother about James. Of course she was happy for me and was glad that I found someone. But then began the lecture, you know the lecture im talking about. Anyways, after the lecture she told me she couldnt wait to meet him and thats when I told her about Mrs. Garcia's invite. She said she would love to but shes working. But after a little more prodding I was finally able to convince her to come. On Monday she gave her weeks notice to her job to quiet but she still has to work today.

As the floats and singers made their way in front of Macy's, I got a text from Logan who was apparently teasing James over the phone about performing on one of the floats next year.

Next year you'll be watching this and James will be on the float right there

, Logan texted me as the Teletubby float went by. I saw that it wasnt just sent to me but also to the other three boys. So I texted them all back.

Yeah but he better watch out, Tinkie Winkie may give him a ran for his money

, I texted him as some pop singer started singing and the purple thing started dancing like it was the apocalypse.

I received a bunch of texts insinuating laughter and that my joke was good. I got a text from James of him grrr-ing at me and a face that looks like a glare. How he did that, I have no idea.

The guys started arguing after that so I just stopped replying. My phone kept buzzing besides me as a new comment was made to the arguing, so i just decided on shutting it off and finished watching the parade.

When the parade ended I got up to go take a shower. When I came back down to the living room I turned my phone back on to see I had over 60 new text messages. I sighed as I scrolled through them, deleting the argument the boys had. According to the time the last text was sent and the message, it seemed like the boys were still arguing but decided to stop texting me, which I am very glad for. But I saw that I got a text from a number I didnt know. I read it anyways and it was from Mrs. Garcia. She told me dinner was at 4 today. The clock in the corner of my screen told me it was 1 already. I sighed as I got down to business. I went to the kitchen and started heating up the apple cider I bought at the store yesterday. When it was hot enough, I turned the heat down and added some brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. After stirring them together I poured the contents into a big thermos and shut off the stove. My phone buzzed on the counter and I picked it up to see it was a text from Carlos.

My mom wants 2 knw if ur still coming over 2 help.

I texted him back saying yes and bounded up the stairs. Over the week I wound up at Carlos' house three different times. We had the week off from school due to Thanksgiving so I was with the boys the whole entire time. At one of the times at Carlos' house, I had asked Mrs. Garcia if it was okay if I could come over and help with dinner. She obviously said of course and seems actually quite happy about it.

Once in my room, I put on a long sleeved blue dress that fit every curve and laid against my skin perfectly. I put black tights underneath the dress to make it look a bit more formal and not too sexy and also to keep me warm in the chilly Minnesota air. I put on a pair of dark brown lace up boots that went almost to my knees. I hardly ever wear them, mostly because I never go out anywhere where I need to wear them. I took out my curling iron and curled my hair into loose waves before I pulled them back into a low loose bun, leaving some curls free to frame my face. I tucked any free stands that I didnt want with bobby pins and did a coating of hair spray. I did my makeup keeping it simple with eye liner and some light pink lip stick and a gloss. For the finishing touches I added silver hoops earings and my long silver chain with a big star charm at the end to my outfit. As I examined myself in the mirror it was hard for me to believe that it was me in the reflection. I would have never thought about going to someones house for Thanksgiving. To be invited over and spend it with people who like me and to be able to dress up and look pretty. I smiled to myself and went back down stairs to grab the cider and my phone and left for Carlos' house.

A few minutes later I arrived at Carlos' house where none other than my latino friend was in the bushes doing something. I couldnt see him but im assuming he could see me because he spoke.

"Just go right in," He told me and returned doing whatever he was doing, rustling the bush in the process.

I shrugged and opened the door, stepping inside the warm house. Everything seemed to be glowing with holiday spirit as I shut the door behind me. Besides some of the aroma from the kitchen, the house smelt like cinnamon, a scent that I always loved at Christmas time. I heard the clanking of metal and turned towards the entrance where ive been led a few times to the kitchen. The thick heels of my boots made a deep low clicking noise against the wood floors as I walked through the entrance and into the kitchen.

"Oh Remy hi!" Mrs. Garcia said. She was crouched down by the sink, a cabinet wide open and shiny pans littered the floor. "Im glad you're here! Mind giving me hand?"

"No not at all," I said smiling. I put the thermos on the kitchen table and walked over to Mrs. Garcia who handed me two pans which I put on the counter by the stove as she had ordered. After more noise and clattering the pans were back on the shelves and the cabinet door shut. Mrs. Garcia stood up, wiping her hands on her long sleeve black dress. She came over and gave me a hug.

"Oh dont you look beautiful!" She exclaimed as she stepped back examining me.

"Well thank you!" I said. "So do you!"

She waved her hand dismissing my compliment. "Oh no I dont, im too old." We both laughed. After that we got down to cooking. The turkey was seasoned and in the oven cooking like it had been since this morning and now it was almost done. So I helped with all the side dishes. While Mrs. Garcia started making cranberry sauce I was told to make the casseroles. I mixed all the ingredients together for the green bean casserole and sprinkled dried onions over it, sticking it over on the kitchen table where we had our dishes waiting to be put in the oven and ones that had to wait to be finished while we made other ones. I was covering the sweet potato casserole with marshmallows when a hispanic man came down. He looked to be in his thirties or forties, fixing his tie as he stopped and stood in the entrance until it was tied. By then Mr. Garcia already had him off doing other things.

"Ted please tell Carlos to come inside," Mrs. Garcia said sliding a dish into the oven.

"Yes Dear," Ted sighed and yelled outside for Carlos.

"Ted, this is Remy, Remy this is Ted," Mrs. Garcia introduced us as he stood by the entrance.

"Ahh so your Remy," he said, like he finally saw what everyone was talking about. "So does this mean I have to have a talk with James?"

"Ted, leave them alone," Mrs. Garcia said as they laughed. I just stood there, blushing a bit.

"Oh Remy!" Carlos exclaimed as he walked in. "You've met my poppy!" The two made a tough growl noise at each other as Carlos walked up next to him making Mrs. Garcia roll her eyes.

"Ted can you please make sure that the bathrooms are cleaned?" Mrs. Garcia asked him, a bit annoyed now.

"Oh come on Sylv the game is about to come on!" Ted, or Mr. Garcia, said but backed down when his wife shot him a glare.

"Aww Carlos dont you look adorable!" I gushed at Carlos. He was in black jeans and a red button down, his sleeves pushed up to his elbows. He had on black sneakers and a purple tie which went quiet nicely with the outfit.

"Thank you Remy," Carlos said grinning, swinging his arms side to side like the compliment didnt really faze him. But I knew it had some kind of affect on him because I saw a hint of pink on his cheeks. "I must say that you look rather handsome too."

"Carlos!" Mrs. Garcia scolded. I just laughed. I couldnt help it. He was so oblivious to everything to have to do with life and so innocent. I couldnt be mad at him. But hey at least he thought I looked good.

"What?" He asked, not aware of the comment.

"Its fine Mrs. Garcia," I laughed. Mrs. Garcia sent Carlos to set the dining room table and we were alone in the kitchen again. There was a knock on the door about an hour later. Mrs. Garcia had just taken out the Sweet potatoe casserole as I was stirring the stuffing on the stove.

"Carlitos can you please get that?" Mrs. Garcia called out. No answer. "CARLOS!" Still no answer. Mrs. Garcia sighed. "Ted?'

"Im watching the game!" A voice said from the living room.

"NOW!" Mrs. Garcia pronounced. I heard a heavy sigh and the sound of footfalls coming closer. There was an echo of hellos and Happy Thanksgiving as whoever was at the door came in. My heart was beating rapidly as I realized a nerve wrecking truth. I sped around quickly to see Mrs. Knight coming in. She had a smile on her face as she kissed Mrs. Garcia on the cheek and the two women hugged saying hello. I calmed down a little after seeing it was just the Knight's, but that meant that I was going to meet the other families tonight too. Its always nerve wrecking to meet families for the first time, especially when you're going to meet your boyfriends family after hearing stories how much of a hard ass his mom is. And scary. Ive been told multiple times that Brooke Diamond is scary.

"Hi Remy!" Mrs. Knight said warmly, giving me a quick hug before putting the pie on the counter. "Dont you look gorgeous!"

"Thanks," I said shyly and went back to the stuffing. A few minutes we heard another knock, this time Mrs. Knight answered the door. A few moments after that Mrs. Knight came back in with a women who looked the same age as the other mothers, but more business like.

"Joanna this is Remy," Mrs. Garcia said coming to stand by me. "She is the girl the boys have been talking about and is also dating James." Wow did everyone need a clarification? Was it really that shocking to everyone else that I was going out with James Diamond? Da fuck is wrong with this world.

"Oh hi Remy!" Joanna said, going straight in for the hug. I really liked the boys moms because they always gave you hugs! My mom hardly ever hugs me. Mostly because shes working but still. "Im Joanna Mitchell. Logan has told me so much about you!"

After some chit chat about me being saved and all that we went back to cooking. I havent seen Kendall or Logan yet or Carlos since he took off to go set the table. But I got my wish soon when Mrs. Garcia went to go put a dish on the table and she yelled for Carlos.

"CARLOS GARCIA! GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Mrs. Garcia yelled. Not even seconds later did Carlos come bounding down the stairs into the dining room. I couldnt see them but I sure could hear Mrs. Garcia.

"I TOLD YOU TO SET THE TABLE!" Mrs. Garcia yelled.

"I did," Carlos said, so innocently.

"NOT WITH THE EASTER SET!" Mrs. Garcia cried. "DO I REALLY NEED TO TELL YOU WHAT HOLIDAY IT IS?!"

I heard mumbling and, more quietly, a command from Mrs. Garcia to fix the table with the right set. She walked back in the kitchen with the dish in her hand, mumbling under her breath about not listening to their mother.

I turned the stove off and put the stuffing into a dish. I rinsed my hands and dried them with a towel. "Im going to go help Carlos with the table," I announced.

"Oh will you please," Mrs. Garcia sighed, sounding exhausted. I tossed the dish rag on an open counter space as I walked to the door I had seen Mrs. Garcia go in and out of. Hoping that it wasnt too difficult to find, I went through the door and walked into none other than the dining room. The room was painted a light brown color, like coffee with white bordering. A big window with white lace curtains hung right in front of me on the other side of the big dark wooded dining room table. The chairs where the same color wood as the table with red cushions and designs carved out of the back. A big china cabinet sat against one of the side walls filled with fancy china- plates and bowls with pretty flowers painted on them with matching saucers and tea cups. Some fancy clear glass cups were scattered in the mix. A door stood on the same wall farther down, closed until Kendall banged it open and appeared through it.

"Hola Remy!" He said, plates in his hands. He sat them down on the table and turned around to face me. "My, dont I have to say you looking... AMAZING."

I could feel the pink creeping on my cheeks. "Well thank you Kendall," I said in my best worst British accent. "I have to say you look pretty good yourself," I said admiring his gray skinny jeans and white button up opened showing the lighter gray tee shirt underneath. Of course he had a black fedora on.

"Well thank you," He said, smirking at me before walking back out the door to find Logan who had called for his help. He appeared again with Logan at his side, both of them had their hands full of crystal glasses. As they hurried in and sat them down carefully I went over to help them steady them.

We stood back and looked at the table for a minute.

"Maybe we should have put the table cloth on first," Kendall said.

"No shit," Logan muttered and began taking off the dishes. I sighed and went over to help him.

"We can just leave the glasses on the floor for now," Carlos suggested.

"No Carlos," Kendall said.

"Why not?" Carlos asked.

"Do you want to repeat last time?" Logan questioned. The latino studied Logan's words and finally shook his head and helped us take the glasses back to a safer place, which turned out to be the sunrooms table. Me and Kendall hurried back into the house to put the orange table cloth on the table along with yellow placemats and orange and yellow plaid napkins with some green mixed into it. Kendall placed two orange candle sticks in the center as Logan and Carlos hurried in putting the plates down. We arranged the plates on the place mats placing silverware next to it along with the glasses. Mrs. Garcia hurried in with the turkey and I took it as my que to go in and help. And thats when it happened. I didnt even hear a knock at the door, but it must have just happen. I walked into the kitchen to come face to face with a women with short hair covered in highlights and had her makeup perfect.

I ran into Brooke Diamond.

I immediately shrunk back, apologizing.

"So you must be Remy," She said, making me wish I could crawl back into a hole.

"Ye-yes," I stammered then felt stupid, wanting to kick myself.

"Hmm," She said. "Im happy my boy finally found someone pretty." _But once I find out your poor I will kick you to the streets_, I added to myself because it seemed to be completely true with her. Brooke squeezed past me into the dining room as I stood shyly to the side.

"Theres my mom for ya," A familiar voice said into my ear as he leaned over next to me plopping an olive from the tray into his mouth. His back was so close to mine that if I inhaled deeply we would touch.

"Shes scary," I whispered, making him chuckle.

"Oh you'll be fine," James said, spinning me around, his hands on my waist as he leaned in to my ear. "Promise." He kissed my cheek and went through the door while I tried to compose myself.

It was on then since the only person left to arrive was my mother. So now we had all four mothers in the kitchen, including Brooke, as we popped dishes in and out of the oven and placed them on the table. We fixed whatever dishes we had too which, trust me, we did with a few, until they looked to perfection and were sent out to be placed on the dining room table. Another knock rang out as Mrs. Mitchell took the last dish out of the oven and into the dining room were all four teen boys and Mr. Garcia sat waiting for us girls to be done in the kitchen. But this time I got it knowing who it probably would be.

"Mom!" I exclaimed hugging her.

"Oh Remy dear!" My mother said welcoming my embrace. I stepped to side and allowed her in, my heart beating hard against my rib cage. Holy crap my mother actually came. Oh my God my mother is here! My mother is here at the Garcia's house about to meet their parents. OH MY GOD MY MOTHER IS GOING TO MEET JAMES! A thousand words circled my brain at exactly what my mother could and would say that would embarrass me to the point of forever taunting from my four best friends who are morons. I led my mom to the dining room from the kitchen because that is the only way I know how to get to it from.

I took a deep breath as I stood in the entrance with my mom by my side, hoping that everything wont be as bad as I hope it wouldnt be.

"Everyone this is my mother Patricia," I finally spit out. "Mom this is James, Kendall Logan, and Carlos. Then theres Mr. and Mrs. Garcia, Carlos' parents and Mrs. Mitchell who is Logan's mom and Mrs. Diamond, James' mom. And thats Katie and Mrs. Knight Kendalls sister and mom." I pointed around the table as I said this showing my mom who each name I said belonged too. Following the announcement of their names, each of the lovely members of the Thanksgiving announcement said a warm and nice hello and soon gestured for my mom to have a seat. As my mom sat between Carlos (Please God have mercy on her soul) and Mrs. Diamond, I took my seat on the other side of the table between Kendall and Logan. I was also across from James.

A sharp clank rang out through the noisy room, bouncing off the walls and momentarily silencing everyone. We looked over to see Mr. Garcia standing up, a glass and fork in his hand.

"I would like to take a moment to welcome everyone," Mr. Garcia's voice boomed through the now silence room. "Me and Sylvia are so glad you all were able to come and really appreciate you all being here. I would like to thank my wonderful son and wife for everything they have done for me this past year and always being there for me," He flashed them a smile. "But while in the midst of our holiday celebration, I would just like to ask all of you's to remember that we also have a new addition to the family of friends that has been built up since, hell, we were in high school!" He raised his glass. "A toast to everyone who has worked hard to keep this relationship going. A toast to the boys and there heroic participation. And to Remy, who has somehow managed to drill some sence into these boys to take showers." Everyone laughed as I looked down and blushed.

"Here here!" Mrs. Mitchell said, holding up her glass.

"Here here!" We all chorused and everyone toasted. Me, Kendall, and Logan clanked all of ours together at the same time. I saw James smiling at me, holding his glass up. I smiled back as I reached over and tapped my glass to his before taking a sip.

Mr. Garcia was now settled back in his chair. "Now I think Carlos would like to lead us into Grace?"

Carlos groaned. "Oh fine," He said after getting glares and disapproving looks from his parents. What really made him cave was the eyebrow raise Mrs. Diamond gave him. He sighed. "Dear Lord, thank you for this time together to eat this delicious, holy meal. Thank you for giving us pie. And please dont let any of us fart at the table..."

"CARLOS!" Mrs. Garcia scolded. Me and the other three snickered, looking down at our plates.

"What?" Carlos asked confused.

"AMEN!" Kendall called out, lifting his glass up before taking another sip of his soda, saving his friend from more embarrassment and deeper trouble.

"AMEN!" We all called out. We then began eating.

Dinner was actually really good. Of course Carlos got scolded from saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times, but thats just how he rolls. There also was no slip ups from my mother which was good. She mostly talked to Mrs. Garcia and Mrs. Knight the whole time which im grateful for. When we were all done eating, the guys took off to watch football as all us girls were left to clean up. I was in the kitchen putting dishes in the dish washer, the ones that were safe to go in I should say, with Mrs. Knight who was washing any dishes that either couldnt go in or fit in the dish washer. Mrs. Diamond stood besides her, drying any dishes that were in the drain board and putting them neatly away. My mom, Mrs. Mitchell, and Mrs. Garcia worked on clearing the table and cleaning up the dining room and putting away any left overs in Tupperware containers, which were now stacked up on the kitchen table.

When the dish washer could fit no more I stuck a tab in and shut the door and turned it on. I grabbed my glass off of the counter which now had some fizzy grape juice in it and walked into the dining room to see if there was anything else I could do, which was nothing because we were going to take a little break before pumpkin pie to just sit back and relax and make sure everything else is cleaned up. But thats when James appeared.

"Hey!" I said, beaming up at him. He was so gorgeous, especially in his blue sweater and scarf and jeans. Hey the man can dress. I like that.

"Hey!" He said back, grinning from ear to ear. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah sure!" I said even though I was completely nervous. What did he want to talk to me about? He lightly grabbed my elbow and guided me to the sunroom which was cold.

"Hi," He said to me again, smiling.

"Hi," I said, it barely was a whisper.

"My I say you look beautiful tonight," He said, spinning me slowly around to examine me. My drink sloshed around in my glass.

"Well thank you Mr. Diamond," I grinned. "And so do you."

"Hmm, you think?" He said, placing his hands on my waist and pulling me close to him. My whole body was warm in the cold room.

I nodded and took a sip of my drink. James kissed me soft and gently, but became a little harder as the kiss deepened. I was so sad when he pulled away.

"You have no idea how long ive been waiting to do that," He said. I threw my head back and laughed, blushing a deep scarlet. "What? Im serious! Very hard dinner. Didnt know how I could control myself any longer."

"So you're saying you would have grabbed me from across the table and started making out with me on the mash potatoes?" I teased.

James thought about it while nodding his head, making a face. "Yeeaahhh probably."

I laughed and smacked his arm lightly, "You jerk." He smirked and kissed me, deeply again before letting me go and going back into the house.

I sighed and walked into the house also. I went into the kitchen where Mrs, Garcia was bustling around getting clean plates out. Mrs. Knight, Diamond and Mitchell and my mom were sitting around the kitcen table sipping wine from their glasses.

"Pie will be out in a few minutes," Mrs. Garcia announced, pouring coffee grids into the coffee maker and turned it on.

"Okay thanks," I smiled and went into the living room. Kendall, Carlos, Logan and Ted were squished together on the couch, jumping up in the air when their team scored a touchdown. James was sitting in an arm chair watching the game but clearly not as in to it. I walked over and placed myself gently on the arm. He looked up and smiled at me and started drawing circles around my back absentmindly. I glanced at him, shooting him a grin as we both turned to the tv. I wasnt a very big football fan but I understood the game. Mostly. You could say I was more into hockey.

"Pie is on the table!" I voice rang out. Everyone jumped up immediately and rushed to the dining room. I chuckled as everyone left the living room and I walked patiently behind them, taking my time. James must have noticed this because he turned back, still smiling, and grabbed my hand. We walked hand and hand to the dining room where we sat next to each other. The dark wooded table was bare with no cloth to protect it. Risky move Garcia, risky move. Plates sat in front of every chair with a fork for pie and clean regular glasses. A large coffee pot sat in the middle of the table filled to the brim with coffee. A canister of sugar and two gallons of unopened milk sat next to it. Last but not least, four pumpking pies lined the edges of the middle, looking pretty.

"YES! PIE!" Carlos said jumping up and down.

"Wow this looks delicious," Kendall said, never taking his eyes off of the pie. I couldnt blame him, I was doing the same thing. I think that speaks for everyone else too.

Mrs. Mitchell took a plastic clear cutter and started cutting the pies. As soon as she started doing this, six plates were shoved in her face. While she served the guys, and Katie, the rest of us were lady like enough to wait. When everyone was served Mrs. Knight started serving drinks. The boys and Katie had to have milk, thank God for this I was scared thinking about Carlos having coffee. Trust me the boy does not need it. The moms and Ted had coffee and I just stuck with milk.

"Oh my God this pie is heavenly," Carlos sighed before fainting, falling off his chair and onto the floor, shaking the table and making a ruckus with it. Mrs. Garcia sighed and took a bite of pie.


	11. Black Friday

"Theres a lot of people here!"

"Thats because its the busiest shopping day of the year!"

"AHHHHH!"

"Oh no you didnt!"

"Did he just get hit by a car?"

"Carlos what did we tell you about running out into the middle of traffic without looking both ways?!"

"Bitch that is mine!"

"NOOOOOO!"

"Im hungry!"

"Oh my God I need to have it!"

"Im tired!"

"I need to sit."

"What the hell!"

"They made this?"

"Their all sold out?!"

"& $&*#( )(& !"

"Really? Are you sure you dont have anymore of them in stock? Well check again!"

"Drama queen! You are a drama queen!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Carlos please dont kill Logan!"

"MY HAIR!"

"Now your gonna get it!"

Yeah thats basically how the next day went. As we moved through the malls and stores shopping and looking for deals, we started to become a little cranky, some more than others. IE my boyfriend, mostly. We pushed past crowds of people trying to get to the parking lot of the mall two towns over on Black Friday where Mrs. Knight pulled up with her car and we all crowded in, stuffing our bags into the car the best we could. Mrs. Knight insisted on being our driver today since none of our parents wanted any of us driving today on one of the busiest days of the year, But with five teens shopping around like a pack of starving wild dogs in a zebra herd, Mrs. Knight had to stop by our houses so we can unload our stuff and start from scratch.

So yeah, its one hell of a day.

"See I told you we would have died if we went out today!" I told James on our way to Macey's another town over. We were squished in the back seat with all of ours bags around us. To tell you the truth I havent seen Logan in five hours, thats how crazy its been.

"Yeah yeah I realize that now!" James sighed besides me.

"Has anyone seen Logan lately?" Kendall asked looking around the bags.

"No," James and Carlos said.

"I havent seen him since we left Midtown Mall," I said. We all stopped, none of our muscles moving. "Oh. My. God."

"We might be awful friends," Kendall said.

"Yup," The rest of us said.

"How could you guys forget me!" Logan exclaimed half an hour later as we pulled up to Midtown Mall where a shivering Logan pushed his way into the car.

"We're sorry!" We exclaimed. Kendall spoke," its just so busy and crazy that its hard to keep track of everyone if we are not all on the same page."

"Im sorry Loges," I said, pouting out my lip a little.

Logan sighed, "Its okay Remy, I forgive you."

James made a noise. "What about me? Huh?"

"I dont forgive you because this isnt the first time you guys forgot about me and left me somewhere deserted!" Logan said. James huffed and crossed his arms.

"Its okay James," I said patting his arm. He softened.

"I know," He sighed.

"Okay lets promise that this will be our last stop," I said as we stood in front of Macy's watching as people run in and out the store.

"Promise," the boys said in unison.

"Lets do this," James said in a serious tone. I took a deep breath and with battle cries we ran into the store to repeat the process we've been doing since 5:30 this morning.

Two hours later I sat in the Knights kitchen, a mug of coffee placed between my hands on the table as Mrs. Knight stuck a piece of pecan pie on a plate and handed it to her daughter who took off into the other room. I sipped my coffee sleepily before yawning. By Logan's calculations and Kendall's excitement the two decided it would be a good idea to get an early start on our shopping day. By early start they meant as soon as the stores opened, which was at 5:30. But Kendall soon convinced us to be there and be waiting at the doors by five, which is what we did. I needed coffee just to keep myself awake enough to finish the day.

"So how was your shopping trip?" Mrs. Knight asked, putting two more pieces of pie on two plates and bringing them over. "I didnt really ask you."

"No its fine," I sighed picking at the pie she sat in front of me before taking a bite. "It was good. Busy. The boys are insane. James reminded me plenty of times that this is the season for giving and that I should be giving him kisses."

"Oh my," Mrs. Knight said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah," I dragged the word out. I stared at my pie blushing. "He also told me this is the season for mistletoe. Soooooo..."

"He just wont stop," Mrs. Knight said almost amazed as she stared at something behind me.

"No hes not," I said quickly not even a heart beat after she finished her sentence.

Later that day I sat up in my room separating clothes and stuff I bought for myself today from presents I bought for everyone else. I stuck my gifts into a red bin which I stuck in the back of my closet, tossing a bunch of random stuff on top of it. I huffed, tired and reluctantly jogged down the stairs to answer the door seconds after I heard the knock.

"Hi!" I said, breathless.

"Hey!" James said, smiling.

"So whats up?" I asked him, crossing my arms over my chest to keep them from freezing.

"Go get your coat and I'll show you," He said, a mischievous glint in his eye. Giving him a questionable look, I slowly turned around and grabbed my coat before meeting James back outside.

"No peeking," James ordered covering my eyes with his hands. A funny feeling was churning around in my stomach. Nerves? Probably. Butterflies? Oh defiantly. I wondered what James wanted to show me? I wasnt a very big fan of surprises, mostly because like everything else they were unpredictable, and I wasnt a very big fan of not knowing whats going to happen.

Leaves crunched beneath our feet as we walked on the uneven ground. Finally we came to a stop and James' hands loosened around my eyes.

"Okay, open!" James said and removed his hands. I gasped.

We where in the middle of the woods which is why the ground was so uneven. In front of me was an open space that led to the frozen lake that was surrounded by trees. The space wasnt big, but it was perfect. It lined most of the lake until it thinned and became more forest. The grass was still green which I couldnt think of how it was possible, I'd have to ask Logan about it later. Off to the side, apart from the forest, was a big willow tree, its vines and leaves cascading down like an earthy waterfall. At the base of the tree I noticed a white blanket was spread out.

"Its beautiful," I breathed. James chuckled and grabbed my hand, leading me towards the willow tree. He parted the curtain of green for me and I ducked through, him following after me. We sat down on the soft white blanket by the trunk of the tree. White Christmas lights were strung on the curtain of ivy and leaves surrounding us making the scene and moment much more of something that should be in a fairy tale.

"For my lady," James said and handed me a cup. It was warm and as I tasted it I found out it was hot cocoa.

"Mmm," I hummed, satisfied. "Mrs. Knights?"

James nodded and I grinned taking another sip of my cocoa. I looked around once more, taking in the scene around me trying to believe it was real.

"I thought we were going to go out on a date tomorrow?" I asked. It is what we originally planned and I was honestly curiouse of why he chose to do it tonight. I still loved it either way and im glad that he did it.

"We still can you want to," James said, taking a sip from his cup.

"No its perfect," I smiled. "I just wanted to know what made you think of doing this," I waved my hands around, "Tonight?"

"Well a few things actually," James said as he took Tupperware containers out of the big wicker styled picnic basket and placed them on the blanket. "For starters, the surprise. If i were to do this tomorrow, yeah you'd probably be surprised and stuff that I did this. But you would already be expecting to be taken out and not as surprised as if I did it without you expecting it. Like now."

He opened the containers and the aromas filled my noise immediately. I sniffed, taking in the delicious scent as James put our food on plates and continued speaking. "Two, I just really couldnt wait until tomorrow to go out with you. To have our first official date."

I smiled at him and took my plate. "Well I love it. I really do. Im glad you decided to do it tonight."

He smiled at me which made my heart flutter. I quickly looked down hoping he wouldnt see my flush.

"You're cute when you blush," He said, a smile playing on his lips.

Even redder, I glanced up, smiling nervously. I was here at this beautiful place with James. Alone. I was nervous. "I dont think i've ever had chicken at a picnic before."

"Mama G insisted," James sighed and I giggled.

"What?" I asked, huffing out a laugh. James eyes were locked on me, a soft smile on his lips. I started to feel a bit uncomfortable with the staring and started twitching. Gosh I hope he says something, anything!

"Remy," He said, his voice soft like velvet. " I've been wanting to share this place with someone for a while. But I just havent found the right person. Until now."

My eyes went wide and the chicken I was chewing got stuck in my throat. I started coughing and took a sip of my hot chocolate which was cooled by the November air. Smooth move Remy. The first boy to ever kiss you just said something so very romantic and sweet and your response is choking on your chicken. Smooth.

"Are you okay?" James asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

I nodded while I tried to compose myself. "Yeah," I choked out. "Just got kind of taken by surprise there. Sorry."

James smiled and my heart almost stopped. He nodded his head up signaling for me to look. I glanced up and groaned looking back at my boyfriend who winked at me.

"James really?" I questioned.

"Hey its the best part of the season!" James said. I rolled my eyes.

"Why do I have the feeling this is going to be happening a lot?" I asked.

"Because it is," James laughed. I lightly pushed him. "Hey! Now come on."

"Nice try James," I said and took another sip of my cocoa.

"Remy."

I crossed my arms over my chest and closed my eyes, lifting my chin up. "Nope."

"You have to obey mistletoe rules," James said matter-of-factly.

I groaned, "Oh fine." I leaned in but James put his hand up to stop me.

"With more jolly," He said. I snorted a laugh and smiled. "Better."

The kiss was sweet short and simple. The best of its kind. Not very long but it has so much more meaning to it.

"You know how to?" James asked me as we lounged out on the blanket, out stomachs bulging out of our coats. He nodded towards the frozen lake which glistened like diamonds under the moon.

I nodded. "Yeah. My dad taught me when I was younger. We used to go out after dinner almost every night in the winter time to skate before he left." I sighed at the memory. "I dont do it as often now. But sometimes I just grab my skates and go to just relive the memory."

James nodded slowly at this. I understood it perfectly how with things like that you just cant find the right words to respond with. James got up suddenly and held out his hand. I looked at it then at him and back at the hand before placing mine in to it and getting up.

"Wait," I said stopping, making James stop also. "I dont have my skates with me."

James dropped my hand and went over to the other side of the trunk of our set up. He came back and held up a pair of white skates. "Already covered."

"How-" I said but he grabbed my hand and started pulling me back over to the lake, the white and black pair of skates dangling from his grip in his other hand.

"Mama K let me borrow hers," He shrugged. "No biggie."

I slipped off my shoes and put the skates on. They were a little tight but not bad. James helped me stand up and get onto the ice. We glided smoothly on the ice for what felt like forever. James would lose his balance and fall over and I would laugh just for me to lose my balance and fall over also. One time James fell over and I went over to help him up just for him to pull me down halfway on top of him. I kissed him quickly before attempting to get back up. One of the dozens of times I fell on my butt, James skated over and helped me up. He flung me up and into his arms where once again we kissed. It was all too sweet. We held onto each others hands as we skated around in circles.

When my feet started hurting from the skates and we got tired of falling down, we made our way off the ice and changed back into our shoes. We walked hand in hand back to the willow tree where we laid next to each other, snuggling close, and looked up at the tall willow tree. When midnight started rearing its ugly head we got up and left. We walked through the dark forest which made my heart challenge itself to beat out of my chest especially when sounds of wolf calls echoed through the night. James walked be back home and to my front door. My moms car was in the driveway but all lights were off in the house. James leaned down and gave me a goodnight kiss then allowed me to open my door and get into the house safely. Where now I couldnt stop grinning from ear to ear until I fell asleep.


	12. Decorating

"Hey Kendall!" I said as I stood in the Knight's driveway the following day. "Watcha doing?"

"Oh hey Remy!" Kendall said, his voice muffled from his shirt as he looked down at me. "Nothing much, just hanging some Christmas lights."

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Sounds fun." I looked at my sneakers as I grinded some sand into the concrete.

Kendall laughed as he put the wire on a hook. I stood there and watched Kendall as he strung the rest of the roof with the festive lights. When he reached the end of the set, he climbed down from his ladder and came to stand by me.

"So whats up?" He asked me with a smile.

"Nothing really," I laughed. "I woke up and decided why not come over and see what you're doing."

"Oh okay then," Kendall said and we both laughed. "So how was your date last night?"

"You were in on it?' I asked.

Kendall shook his head. "No but James pretty much filled us in on ever detail this morning."

I looked down at my shoe trying to bury my face into my coat so Kendall wouldnt see me blush. "It was amazing Kendall! It was so pretty!"

Kendall laughed and held up his hands. "Okay I dont want too much detail. Trust me James said enough."

"Allow me to thank him for that," I laughed as I blushed rethinking of the night.

"So whats your story?" Kendall said a few moments later. We were both leaning up against his moms car.

"What do you mean?" I asked. It couldnt be anything too great because Kendall was all serious now.

"Whats your story?" He said again. "I've met your mom. What about your dad?"

I stared at the ground again. "Oh. That."

"You dont have to tell me if you dont want to," Kendall said.

I shook my head. "No its fine." I took a deep breath. "My dad left me and my mom when I was 6. We werent expecting it to be that soon. My mom said she saw it coming, but I didnt. All I know is that he came in and tucked me in one night and the next morning he was gone. Never saw him since."

"Im sorry," Kendall said a few minutes later. We just sat there in silence as I rehashed that moment and the years to come.

"Its fine," I said. "Im over it."

"Good," Kendall said, his voice as light as a whisper. "My dad left when I was young too. Just came home from school and he was gone. My mom said he went to stay with relatives but I havent seen him since."

"Its so hard," my voice cracked. "To trust someone so much and to believe that they will never leave you, to know they will never leave you. And one moment you say bye or goodnight like every other time and the next they're just not there. Never to be seen again."

"So true," Kendall said. It was kind of weird to talk to someone about this. I never talked to my mom about it because I know she's still a little heartbroken by it, even though she has Phil now. I know she doesnt want to talk about it especially since what he left her with. All of this responsibility she has to handle alone. By herself with no ones help. A cry into the night that no one will hear.

But here is Kendall. Someone who knows what its like to have one parent. To feel abandoned for those few months while trying to adjust to this new found reality. To have hope that one day that lost person will walk through the door and you'd get to hug them again, to see them. To feel and smell them. But those hopes die down. And when they do, it hurts like hell.

"Have you've heard from your dad Kendall?" I asked him, mentally kicking myself for asking him something so personal. I just got too caught up in this heart to heart moment.

He shook his head lightly. "No. But sometimes he sends child support checks to help my mom. But that hardly happens anymore."

Okay so maybe he didnt really understand. He at least got something from his dad that acknowledges his existanst. But it still must sting like a mother.

"The house looks pretty," I said, needing to break the horrible silence that had fell between us.

Kendall chuckled, "Thanks. Do you decorate?"

I shook my head no and he gasped. I looked up to see his face totally shocked with a horrified expression on his face. Like I just told him I ran over his puppy six times.

"You dont decorate?!" He said too shocked for words. I wanted to laugh at his tone.

"No, we dont," I said laughing a bit.

"Why not?!" Kendall exclaimed.

"Because," I said. "Ever since my dad left my mom had to pick up two jobs. The first Christmas she just did it to make me happy. But by the second year I knew the truth and she knew that, so she didnt even bother trying."

"Do you get a tree?" He asked and I thought he might pass out when I told him no. "How can you not get a tree?!"

I shrugged. "Like everything else. We are just too busy and depressed to embrace the holly jolly spirit and for the hassle of decorating. The boxes are still in the attack from when my dad left. We do exchange gifts though."

Kendall just stood there lost for words. His mouth gaped open as he just shook his head. "Alright, we have a lot of work to do."

* * *

"HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS!" Carlos sang as he wrapped white Christmas lights around the frame of the kitchen door.

"Carlos can you please stop singing!" Kendall shouted from outside.

"Come on! Its Christmas!" Carlos whined.

"No its not! Its still November!

"Whatever Ebenezer Kendall!"

Logan groaned from the heart of the living room, putting random knickknacks on top of the mantel.

After telling my sad, yet true, Christmas tradition, Kendall immediately called the rest of the guys to meet us at my house for a holiday emergency. When we all met up, Kendall did a quick re-run of my story, which earned gasps from all three of them. Thats when they all took control of my house.

We went up to the attack and got all the boxes of Christmas decoration and brought them downstairs. Only one box wasnt as dusty as the others because its the only box my mother used the Christmas after my father left. Thats because we have a crap load of Christmas decoration that it isnt even funny. Before my dad left us, Christmas was always big with us. We would sing Christmas songs whenever possible, bake cookies, go ice skating, snuggle up and watch holiday movies and have marathons. It was all so much fun. And I miss it a lot. Thats why im happy that the boys would do this for me. Or us if you want to include my mom who has no idea whats going on in her house right now.

And yes, I of course protested it at first, but they ignored me and started decorating. So I went along with it. Its actually all really exciting even with Carlos signing off key to every Christmas song that pops into his head. It brings back good memories.

So now Kendall and James are outside working in the front yard. Kendall is hanging the lights on the roof and James in decorating the bushes with twinkling lights. I can hear him muttering and cursing while trying to untangle the lights from in here. We all chuckle when a set doesnt work, or the most often accuring half the set, and he starts yelling and going on rants. Me, Carlos and Logan worked from the inside. Carlos was hanging lights around the doorways while I worked on the windows. Logan went around doing everything else by putting up the cool Christmas knickknacks and stuff.

As I put the green wire to the multicolored lights around a golden hook Carlos started singing again.

"JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY!"

"CARLOS!"

"Ugh! You guys suck!" The latino growled and went upstairs to hang lights up there. I sighed as I finished my window and grabbed a stack of white lights sitting by the staircase. I jogged upstairs to find an outlet, which I did, and started wrapping the white lights around the banister. I made my way down the stairs, Carlos still working on the doors and started singing again.

"JOY TO THE WORLD! THE LORD HAS COME!" The little latino sung his heart out. I heard Logan groan as I sat down on one of the steps close to the floor as I worked on untangling a set of lights.

"Carlos cut it out," Kendall pleaded. I felt bad for Carlos. Here he was trying to be merry and spread some Christmas cheer and his friends keep telling him to stop. Its not his fault he cant sing.

I took a deep breath, "LET EARTH RECIEVE OUR KING!"

I heard a gasp from upstairs and turned around to see Carlos standing at the top, looking like it was Christmas day.

"See! Remy's in the spirit!" Carlos cheered and bounded down the stairs and engulfed me into a hug. "Thank you Remy!"

"No problem Carlos," I laughed a bit and patted the Latinos arm. I honestly was surprised James wasnt singing himself since he wanted to be a pop star.

"LET EVERY HEART PREPARE HIM ROOM!" Carlos sung as he skipped to the living room to get more orders from Logan.

"AND HEAVEN AND NATURE SING! AND HEAVEN AND NATURE SING!" He sang, twirling around the living.

"AND HEAV-AN AND HEAVEN AND NATURE SING!" I sung along as I finished up the banister.

When I got back into the living room I saw Logan smiling.

"What?" I asked my fellow geek friend who just shook his head.

"DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY!" Carlos started again.

"FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" I sang and laughed.

"Aww dont encourage him!" Kendall groaned. The front door was wide open so we can all communicate without running in and out like wild bafoons.

"TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY!" The latino squeaked.

"FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" Kendall and me sung.

Of course Carlos finished the song. But by the time it ended everyone was singing along.

"WHOA!" I heard Kendall yell from outside followed by something clattering to the ground. I rushed outside to see Kendall hanging from the roof, gripping on the side for dear life. The ladder sat on the ground a few feet away.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed.

"Uh, can someone please help me?" Kendall said as he swung from my roof like a monkey.

I ran for the ladder as Carlos ran out of the house. "I'll save you Kendall!" He put his helmet on, gave it two hard taps, and bounded over to the spot underneath Kendall.

"Nice and slowly," Carlos said right before Kendall lost his grip and fell on top of Carlos, sending both of them into the bushes. I just stood there my mouth wide open in shock, ladder in hand. I tossed the ladder down and rushed over to Kendall.

"Are you okay?" I exclaimed.

"Thats wasnt nice nor slowly," Carlos said from his spot underneath Kendall.

"I should live," Kendall groaned and rolled over.


	13. A Fight And Make Up

The Christmas lights made the house light enough that I didnt need to turn a lamp on or anything as I finished taping the gift up. I stuck a green bow on it before sticking it under our lush green Christmas tree we got last week when we went Christmas tree shopping. apparently its another one of the traditions that all four boys do every year. The mom's tagged along of course to have a say in the tree and to pay and Mr. Garcia was forced to come along too. It was another outing that my mom came with us this season and made everything so much more special. I actually had a nice time picking out a Christmas tree and the excitement of bringing it home. Except when Carlos somehow got netted in with the Mitchell's Christmas tree. I will tell you how he did it once I find out myself. I swear everyday its something else. So the next day after my mom came home from work we decorated the tree with pretty multicolored lights and silver garland and, of course, the ornaments. My mom placed our angel at the top where it now shined and help light up the house.

Snow fell lightly outside like feathers from angel wings. It was dark outside, well except for the Christmas lights making it look like the fourth of July. I had the front room window's crimson curtains pulled back, exposing the whole window. I placed the package under the tree where several others laid and stood back to admire it. I still couldnt fully grasp what has happened within the past month. It was all so much. I mean who would ever guess that their wildest dreams would actually one day come true?

I tightened my wraparound sweater tighter around me as I walked over and crawled into the window seat. I sat and looked outside, watching the snow fall ever so lightly, covering the ground in its blanket. I looked at the lights and decoration my neighbors had up as they blinked and twinkled, some programmed to music. My mother's car wasnt in the driveway yet, like it usually is on Wednesday nights. She is out Phil, who I still am yet to meet, again and probably wont be home until somewhere around eleven. I dont care how long she stays out, I mean she's my mom, im not hers. But I get worried sometimes, you know? She's the only thing I have, well family that is. I do have James, and the other three. Plus their families who have made it quite clear that I have been adapted into their family of friends and such. But me and my mom, we were both left heartbroken by the same man years ago. We have to look out for each other.

I pressed my cheek to the cold glass and closed my eyes. I inhaled the sweet scent of cinnamon scented candle as they sat on the mantel, their flames flickering inside the glass jar. I wish I could hang out with someone right now. I had done my homework earlier and was now bored with nothing much really to do. I picked up my phone and hit speed dial.

"Hello?" The familiar voice said on the other end. He honestly sounded like he didnt have caller id. If he didnt have my number under his contacts for some reason, he's going to have some explaining to do.

"Hey," I said, twirling a piece of hair around my finger. I wasnt sure why I was so nervous, I mean I talk to him almost everyday. I guess its that part of me that holds everything from my past, whispering insecure thoughts to me. I think its just the fear of rejection.

"Remy!" James said, his voice all excited. I was honestly now starting to wonder if he didnt have me listed.

"Hey James," I breathed, his enthusiasm was so cute! Especially over the phone.

"Whats up?" He asked. I could hear the smile on his face.

"Nothing," I sighed. "Im bored and thought why not call my amazing boyfriend. Cause you know, he may have the number for Bradley Cooper or something."

"Oh har har you're adorable," James said sarcastically. I didnt have to see him to know he rolled his eyes.

"I know," I giggled and immediately stopped.

"So did you find the surprise I gave you?" He asked.

"Yes," I said rolling my eyes at the memory of finding one of the many pieces of mistletoe in my locker today. As I had predicted, James has yet to seize the opportunity to catch me under the mistletoe. It seems like everywhere I go he has it hung up somewhere to catch me when im vulnerable and plant one on me. I swear, school, my house, his house, their houses. All. Three. Of. Them. The ice rink, even in Walmart. Just to piss him off, we set it up so Carlos beat James to the mistletoe. He was allowed to kiss me on the cheek after James gave him a murderous glare the whole time.

"Oh come on Rem's," James said. "Do you know how many girls wish they were you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes James, I am aware. And I really wish you wouldnt bring it up."

"Well, Saw-er-re,"James said. I almost growled at him.

"Know what, maybe I shouldnt have called," I snapped. "Bye," and I hung up. I leaned my head against the window, releasing an aggravated sigh. The first day school started back up after Thanksgiving. James and the boys met up with me in front of the school, like we do everyday now. We walked into school together, James had his arm around me as they walked me to my first class. I got murderous glares and envied looks from almost everyone as we walked through the halls. I had plenty of girls come up to me that week asking if I really was dating James Diamond. I now have a lot of enemies.

I got up and walked away from the window, wiping a stray tear from my eye. Sometimes I wish none of this had happened. It was so much easier being invisible then being noticed. Then I could just walk to my classes and through the halls with no problems. Go home as soon as Yearbook ended. Now, I get looks from almost everyone. Most of the school's girl population hates me. I have to remember who's house to go to after school and where to meet up with them. I have to do all the duties of a girlfriend and put up with my dramatic boyfriend. Sometimes I just wish things could go back to the way they used to be. But that could never happen. Things will never be the same again.

The next morning I didnt want to get up. I just wanted to sleep and mope all day. But I couldnt, I had to face the day which will full of rumors about me and James' argument. But I reluctantly got up and got dressed. I jogged down the stairs and grabbed my coat from the kitchen table before going back upstairs to get my bag. There was a knock at the front door. I chose to ignore it but as the knocker became persistent I just decided to answer it. I jogged back downstairs and opened the door. Maybe I shouldn't have opened it.

"Hey," James said offering me a smile. Well shit, now what am I supposed to do?

"Hi," I answered staring at him plainly. "What are you going here?"

"Well um, I wanted to walk you to school," He said running his hand through his hair. "and I wanted to talk to you.

I started freaking out. I really didnt know what to do now. Maybe I wasnt ready for a boyfriend. I know nothing about boys! Or what to do with them! So I just sighed and went with my instinct.

"Alright," I said. I put my coat on and grabbed my bag and went outside to meet with James. We walked silently for a few moments side by side before James spoke.

"Remy im sorry about what I said last night," James finally said. I looked at him curiously.

"Really?" I asked. I had no clue if he ws lying or telling the truth. What did I get myself into?

"Yeah," James said. "Even though im not totally sure what part pissed you off."

You have got to be kidding. So one thing ive learned so far about boys: they're completely clueless.

"James," i began. "Im not used to this. Im not used to having a boyfriend who has mistletoe everywhere and always wants to kiss me. I dont know what im doing James. I dont know how to handle all these girls running after you or how many girlfriends you've had or anything. Im completely clueless so I get frustrated about the subjects easily."

I looked up at James who was already looking at me, a smile on his lips. "You are the cutest thing ever," He said. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, how about this. No more talking about other girls and no more mistletoe," He said putting his arm around my shoulders.

"No more talking about other girls, yes," I laughed a bit. "But no more mistletoe...If you tone it down a bit and dont do it too often..."

"Oh good," James released a breath. "I wasnt too sure myself I could do it." I laughed and pushed him.

James stopped and turned me to face him. I stopped and looked at him. He had this sincere look in his eyes that made them glisten as he spoke, "Im sorry I made you upset. I promise from now on I will do whatever I can to never make you sad again. Do you forgive me Remy?"

A small smile formed on my lips as I looked up at my amazing boyfriend. My savior. "Yes James, I forgive you." He smiled which made me smile wider. He pecked me quickly on the lips before twining our fingers together and continued walking.


	14. Christmas

**Okay I know this is wayyyy long over due, but its here! I ma so sorry it took me so long!**

**After Christmas some of the...holiday spirit kinda died and it became kinda difficult to write this chapter and then I got writers block. **

**But its finished!**

**And sadly no there wont be a New years Eve chapter, sorry :(**

**enjoy!**

**~XOXOXBecca  
**

* * *

I woke up early on Christmas eve. Not because I wanted to or because I was excited. Because I was being stared at by four very excited and very creepy teenage boys. They had miles wide smiles on their faces as they stared at me, red Santa hats on their heads.

"Get up Remy!" Kendall said.

"Its Christmas!" Carlos shouted throwing his hands over his head.

"Christmas isnt until tomorrow," Logan corrected Carlos.

"Okay well then, Its Christmas Eve!" Carlos exclaimed again. His friends pushed him playfully until he fell back onto my bed. I rolled my eyes.

"I am aware of the day," I told them. "Which is why you should let me sleep longer!"

"Nuh uh," James said going all sassy on me. I raised my eyebrow at him in question which made him burst out laughing and blush.

"There is a lot to do and little time to do it!" Kendall announced. "So get up!"

"What on earth could we possibly do?" I asked him. "We did everything we needed this past week. Everythings done."

"Not everything," Kendall sung. I looked at them, confused. Oh hell what did they have planned.

"We havent baked yummy cookies for Santa yet!" Carlos said excitedly sitting back up.

"WOO!" James said throwing his hands up. Him and Carlos scrambled off of my bed and ran out my door and down the hall, their hands waving in the air as they sung the 'Santa's Coming Tonight' song from the Spongebob Christmas special.

"Are they serious?" I asked Kendall and Logan who just shook their heads. "They dont still believe in Santa, do they?"

Kendall's eyes got wide and Logan answered, "Oh yeah they totally do."

So my sixteen year old boyfriend still believes in Santa Clause? This hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper.

"Just dont tell them the truth," Kendall said seriously. "It would shatter them both."

I nodded in agreement. "I wont. I promise." The last thing I want to do would hurt poor Carlos especially on Christmas. And I would hate to be the reason my boyfriend cries. On Christmas.

"But that means you still have to get up and bake cookies with us," Kendall shrugged, scrunching his face up. "Sorry."

I shook my head, "Its okay. Whatever makes them happy."

"Thats the spirit!" Kendall said, swooping his fist in front of him. "So get up and get ready, take your time, eat breakfast, and just meet us at my house when you're done."

"Okay," I agreed as the two boys got up and started leaving. "See you guys later!"

I sighed as I tossed off my covers and got up. I threw open my closet doors and started getting dressed.

* * *

"Sugar," Kendall said while he read the list in his hand in the Knight's kitchen.

"Sugar," Carlos repeated picking up the white sugar bag and dropping it back down as Kendall took inventory.

"Eggs, butter, vanilla," Kendall read.

"All here," Logan replied.

"Brown sugar."

"Here."

"Milk. Oh crap!" Kendall said searching around the counter looking for the milk.

"Right here," I said with a smile as I used all my strength to lift the two gallons of milk that I held in each of my hands. Mrs. Knight texted me telling me that I probably should pick up milk. So I did, but I will never tell them she told me so.

Kendall smiled at me then looked back down at his board and checked something off. "Okay so we have eggs, butter, milk, sugar and Remy," Kendall said. "Yup we got all of our basic needs! Lets get cooking!" He slapped the board down on the counter and we all threw our hands up and whooped.

Logan assigned us stations that would be best for us. Me and James were put together mostly because I know how to read and use a cookbook so thats why Carlos was paired with Logan and Kendall a loner working on little projects here and there and too assist us with whatever. Kendall tossed around aprons, which with some fumbling I was able to catch mine. I slipped it over my head and tied the back in a bow before turning back to Logan to give us instructions.

* * *

The rest of the day was a mess of flour and sugar. After countless mini food fights we got enough cookies made for our fellow family, friends, Santa, and the all the elves in the North Pole. The whole kitchen was filled with joyous holiday spirit which filled all of us up to the brim, except for Mrs. Knight who left to get Advil for her headache that had formed when she walked in and gave us the order of cleaning up the kitchen to complete sparkle cleanness. Logan grabbed a mop and bucket and I got a rag and we began cleaning.

The early winter months sun has went down about forty-five minutes ago which left us with a dark dusk and little light on the horizon. Even though it was only five twenty-three. The guys ordered pizza and were now running around inside gathering plates and glasses for our soda they also ordered while I stood outside in the cold Minnesota night calling my mom.

"Hey mom," I said as soon as I heard my moms familiar voice speak when she answered.

"Oh Remy hi!" She said. "How are you? Is everything alright? Is James getting frisky? Do you need for me to pick you up?" Oh of course she was going to make this an awkward convo. I should ask her the same thing but I was afraid of the answer I might get and honestly didnt have the guts to ask her something so personal.

So I just sighed. "No mom everything is fine. I just wanted to know how long you're going to be out tonight?" My mother, like every night, is out with Phil on a apparently romantic Christmas eve date. Im surprised James hadnt thought of the idea, or maybe he has and is backing off from our argument the other day. Oh what have I done? I really dont know how to do this dating thing. I feel bad for poor James for having to have to deal with this. Maybe we arent meant to be together. But I didnt want to think about that now. Not on Christmas eve and certainly not while on the phone with my mom.

"Oh okay then," My mom said, in an uncertain tone, not really sure what to say next. "Um I should be back around ten, I will even come by to pick you up if want. What are you guys doing tonight?" Like almost every night when my mom goes out, im always dragged in to whatever circle of fun events the guys are doing which means either skating on the lake in the park or playing ultimate frisbee in Carlos' backyard.

"Well the guys ordered pizza and then we are going to kick start the traditional 24 hour viewing of A Christmas Story," I answered. "Even though it started like an hour ago, Carlos has been waiting anxiously until it goes off and the next comes on for us to watch it."

"Oh well that sounds like fun!" My mother said. "Well ill let you go to have fun with you friends. I love you and be careful."

"Alright mom," I said rolling my eyes but not stopping the smile from creeping onto my face. "I love you too."

I hung up the phone and started dragging my frozen booty back inside. I heard a car pull up and quickly looked back before walking in and defrosting myself.

"Pizza guy's here," I called out and all four boys stood up and ran over. Kendall jogged over to the kitchen to grab his money and ran to catch up to the rest of the guys. While the guys were outside meeting the pizza man half way, I shimmied over to the couch, still as frozen as a popsicle, and sunk down into the couch hoping it would help defrost some of my body. I heard when the boys came in, but honestly who coudnt? They sat one of the boxes down in the middle of the coffee table and Kendall gave another box to his mom and sister who was watching some sappy Christmas love story in Mrs. Knight's room. I kinda wanted to be with them watching a movie like that, having some girl time. But instead I was in the living room with my three best guy friends and my boyfriend about to watch A Christmas Story. And honestly, I wouldnt trade it for the world.

* * *

We laughed. We laughed until we cried. We laughed until Carlos accidentally pee'd his pants from drinking too much soda and had to borrow a pair of jeans from Kendall so he wouldnt freeze himself while walking to his moms car tonight. Even though after watching this movie for twenty-four hours straight you wouldnt want to watch it for another year, Its actually exciting to watch it for the first time of the year. I enjoyed watching the movie again after it being so long since I last saw it. I only watched it once last year but I didnt keep it on continuously. Like I said, Christmas has been kind of sketchy since my dad left. But the Christmas's when he was still with us, we never watched anything until it went off at four o' clock Christmas day.

My mom came by around ten thirty to pick me up. I wished my friends (and boyfriend) goodbye and a Merry Christmas eve after finalizing plans for tomorrow and them handing me a gift.

"Whats this?" I asked them, bringing the box to my ear and lightly shaking it. I stared at question at the four hockey players who had their hands folded behind their backs and looked at me with eager smiles and expressions.

"Well," Kendall began. "Every year we get to open one present on Christmas eve. So this is yours."

I couldnt help but not melt into a smile.

"Aww you guys are too sweet!" I exclaimed and brought them in for a hug. When released, they all turned serious.

"Just remember," Kendall said. "You have to wear you pajamas all day tomorrow."

"All day?" I asked.

"All day," The boys repeated.

"Even when you come over to celebrate with us," Logan said.

I gave them hard looks before wrinkling my nose and grinning. "Okay fine."

The boys cheered at my response and I laughed. "Oh gosh, ill see you guys tomorrow." We said goodbye and I walked back out to the freezing winter air. It got even colder from when I went outside earlier that evening to call my mom. It had to have dropped at least thirty degrees more which is pretty darn cold. I hurried into the passenger side of my mom's car and quickly shut the door, keeping the cold outside air outside. I was thankful that I allowed my mom to pick me up because she already had the heat blasting in the car for a while so I didnt have to sit there and shiver in my boots while waiting for the car to heat up. My mom pulled away from Kendall's house were I waved goodbye to the four boys who stood on the porch watching me leave and waving goodbye.

"So did you enjoy the movie?" My mother asked me, sneaking quick glances at me.

"Yes," I replied, laughing a bit at the memory of watching the movie, one of which didnt actually involve the actual movie. "I enjoyed it."

"Thats good," My mom said. "Whats that?"

"Its a Christmas Eve present," I said staring at the red and green reindeer wrapping paper. "Its another tradition."

"Oh," my mother said dragging out the word in understanding. "Im glad that you've got them as friends," My mother said after a few moments of silence. "You needed them. And they seem to have accepted you as part of the family quickly. They're nice boys."

"They are nice boys," I said not wanting to go further more in the conversation. Who knows what she might come up with.

My mom pulled into our driveway and we quickly got out and rushed to the front door. Finally my mom got the door open and we rushed inside, re-defrosting ourselves with a few laughs.

"Want some hot chocolate?" My mother asked as she walked to the kitchen. She sat her purse and keys down on the counter and went over to one of the cabinets, opening it.

"Sure," I replied, walking into the kitchen, bringing the wrapped gift with me. My mother quickly moved about the kitchen as she got a pot and filled it with water, placing it on the stove. I placed the Tupperware container that contained some of the cookies we had made today on the table. We split them all amongst ourselves for us and our families and sent them off with one another when we left. My mother reached for a cookie and I grabbed one, tasting the sweetness of it. We didnt do too bad of a job on them, which is a good thing because its hard to resist cookies, and just a disappointment when they taste bad.

"Im going to go get changed," I announced, mouth still full of cookie. I hopped off of the stool and bounded up to my room, the gift tucked underneath my arm. In my room, I shut the door quietly behind me and flicked on the lamp on my sidetable. I placed the present on my bed and opened my top drawer to reveal my options. Not only did I have to find something cozy and warm enough to wear on this cold night, but something decent I can wear tomorrow for Christmas. I could always throw something on and change pajamas before I go, but that seems like breaking tradition and just feels...wrong. Plus if one of the boys stop by before hand and know that ive changed, then we'll have a problem. I sighed as I drummed my fingers on the wooden drawer before turning back and plopping down on my bed in defeat. I looked over at the present besides me and something told me to open it. I shrugged and thought what the heck. Hoping that whatever they wrapped up will give me a little more jolly to figure out the pj issue, I tore open the wrapping paper and stared at the white box. I lifted the lid to the white box and placed it on the bed next to me.

"Oh. My. God." I breathed, in humor, joy, humiliation. I laughed as I picked up the fabric in my hands and couldnt believe what I now held. Well arent I glad I opened the box because it did solve my problem.

Gidy and happy, I hopped off my bed and quickly undressed and just as quickly slipped on the pajamas. I skipped over to my mirror to check out my new get up. The pajama pants almost covered my entire foot. They were green and had cartoon reindeer heads on them, more Rudolf version with a big red nose. The top was white with green hems on the arms and neckline with a larger version of the reindeer head on the front. Underneath the head in red letters spelt out Merry Christmas. Some people would call it ugly, but I loved it. It was the most generous and awesomest gift I have ever gotten. Even though they were just pajamas. But then again their not. For years ive yearned for the part of me that has been lost to come back so I can be whole again. I always thought that missing piece was my father, and ive always thought that up until now. Now as I stared at myself in the mirror. Now as I looked at the pajamas I have just been given. Now as I look at how happy I look, do I realize that that missing piece is not my father. Maybe a little piece is him, but the bigger piece is not for my father, but for the men in my life. My best friends, my boyfriend. Maybe not even the boys but friends and true happiness. I felt a way that I havent felt in forever, something I thought ive never feel again. And it was truly a Christmas miracle.

* * *

The next morning rushed into a blur. I woke up and jumped out of bed and rushed to my mother who was still fast asleep. I jumped and yelled and danced on her bed until she was out of it. I rushed down the stairs and waited eagerly for my sleepy mother to come down the stairs and sit next to me on the floor by our tree. When she finally got to the living room, she sat down on the arm chair with a laugh of pure joy. I realized it was because of seeing her sixteen year old daughter so happy and eager on Christmas. We exchanged gifts and my mom made us chocolate chip pancakes. I scarfed them down, all the excitement made me very hungry and so I had seconds. And thirds. And now I feel guilty but I pushed it away because ITS CHRISTMAS!

I helped my mom clean up the kitchen by washing the dishes. When the kitchen was clean I helped her pick up all the wrapping paper and bows from the living room floor and took it out to the trash for her. I walked down to the trash can by the street, my feet freezing, and threw the bag away before taking off towards the house. Inside, I stared out the window at the houses around us and wondered how their Christmas was going. I sighed as I looked at the street and the sidewalk and yards and saw no snow. Well no one can have the absolute perfect Christmas, so no snow it is. Honestly I was happy with that.

When the later afternoon came, my mom went to get ready to go to Logan's house for Christmas dinner and our celebration where we all exchange gifts. I became nervous as I waited for my mom to finish getting ready. What if they dont like my gifts? What if I got them the totally wrong things? Oh I dont want to offend them in any way, I want them to be happy! What worried me the most was James, it was hard to find the perfect gift for him, but I tried and thats all that matters, right? I started pacing, unsure of it all when my mom came down.

"Remy, why are you pacing like that?" My mother asked, very confused and curious.

"No reason," I lied. "Just waiting for you."

"Mmhmm," My mother said, hands on her hips. She knew I was lying, its kind of hard not to. "Whats up?"

I just shook my head, looking down at my feet. My mother sighed and came over. She cupped my face in her hands and lifted my chin making me look at her.

"Remy, everything will be fine," She soothed. "I promise."

I nodded and tore my gaze from her, looking at a spot on the floor. "Now go get ready," She said and I nodded. I slipped on the pair of new slipper boots my mom gave me for the holiday and I absolutely adored them. I wrapped my scarf around my neck and put on the new red wool knit hat my mom also got me and shrugged on my winter jacket. We loaded the gifts into the trunk of her car and we were off to Christmas at the Mitchell's home.

The drive seem to take forever as we wound the streets to Logan's. I bounced up and down in my seat, nervous and excited. Butterflies filled my stomach as we pulled into their driveway where the all too familiar cars were already parked, except for one. I breathed out a sigh of relief, but then became worried. What if he didnt show up? What if he got sick? Or something worse? I really hope he was just running late, no matter how nerve wrecking it is to have a boyfriend at the holidays.

"Remy, honey, are you going to get out of the car anytime soon?" My mother's muffled voice called out. My head shot to next to me where I saw her empty seat. I turned and looked behind me to see my mother looking curiously through the back window at me. I sighed and opened my door, getting out and meeting my mother by the trunk. We loaded our arms with presents for my friends and their families and walked to the Mitchell's front door. My mother somehow, but did, manage to free her hand enough to knock. Then I nodded at her to the doorbell and she sighed. Mrs. Mitchell soon opened the door and greeted us with a happy smile.

"Merry Christmas!" She called out and ushered us in. Me and my mom shuffled in and Mrs. Mitchell shut the door behind us. "Im so glad you guys could come!"

"Its no problem Joanna," My mother said, offering a smile. "I dont think Remy would allow us to miss it."

"Mom," I muttered, seriously blushing as I tried to hide myself in the gifts in my hands. The two moms laughed as I wished I could disappear. Mrs. Mitchell took the gifts from my hands while telling me that the boys were in the living room. After saying thank you, I went to the living room to see Kendall, Carlos, and Logan sitting on the floor playing Uno while eating cookies. When I walked in, Kendall looked up and gave me a welcoming smile.

"Merry Christmas Remy!" Kendall said, his smile turning into his signature smirk. "And dont you look adorable."

"Thank you," I said, doing my best to wipe away the tease.

"So does that mean you like the pajamas?" Carlos said excitedly, jumping into the convo. While Carlos turned his head to look at me, Kendall took this opportunity to sneak a peek at Carlos' cards. Logan hit him on the arm as Kendall slowly went back to his cards.

"Like them?" I said, in a tone of disgust. Carlos' face fell and I felt bad for teasing him. I cut the charade and smiled. "I love them!"

Carlos' face brightened, "Really?"

"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "Thank you guys so much for them! It was really sweet of you."

"Oh no problem Remy," The boys chorused along with some you're welcome's.

"Come on and play Uno with us!" Carlos said excitedly, giving Kendall a look as he leaned over again to take another peak.

"Not right now," I said sliding down on the floor between Carlos and Kendall. "But thank you."

The boys went back to their game, which got pretty intense with a lot of screaming and yelling. Kendall's cheat at peeking at Carlos' cards gave him the opportunity to sabotage whenever Carlos screamed Uno, and Carlos would wind up with at least twenty more cards. Poor Logan kept getting skipped that I dont think he took a turn since I came in. The battle was between Carlos and Kendall, and skipping Logan meant they could go against each other. Logan got tired of this and slapped down his cards on the floor and turned his attention to the tv which A Christmas Story was just ending and coming on again. With Logan out of the way, the game got even more intense. After a few moments of the screaming and yelling, I turned my attention off of the feud and watched the movie instead. Carlos started getting fed up with Kendall cheating and tackled him. The simple game of Uno I walked in on turned into a blood bath of the two chasing each other around the house with hockey sticks. Me and Logan just chilled on the floor enjoying a movie. I heard the mother's scolding the two boys from the kitchen as Carlos bounded down the hall, Kendall on his tail, hockey stick in hand, waving it over his head. Me and Logan exchanged glances before shaking our heads simultaneously and sharing a laugh.

That went on for about another hour. James finally came with a man I never saw before who im assuming it was his dad. I never met nor saw Mr. Diamond before, so James quickly introduced us before his dad went into the kitchen with the mom's to find the other man of the families, Mr. Garcia. James sat down besides me, saying hello and giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek. Just then Kendall ran down the stairs with Carlos yelling behind him.

As the boys disappeared out of sight, James turned and gave us a look, "What is that all about?"

Logan shrugged and I answered, "A game of Uno gone bad."

James nodded at this as if he understood, which I pretty sure he did because I have a feeling this isnt the first time something like this had happened.

* * *

After we finally got the two psychotic boys to settle down, we exchanged gifts. Which meant a lot of excited screaming and a huge mess as they tore wrapping paper up and threw boxes around. I got gifts from each of the boys- a cute silver glitter clutch from Kendall (his sister helped him pick it out), a hockey stick from Carlos (apparently he picked it out all on his own and got scolded by his friends and mother), a new camera lens and case for my camera from Logan (this I appreciated most because he had my name embedded in it. Plus it was very thoughtful). And of course, my boyfriend and savior, who gave me the most beautiful necklace ever. It was the heart key necklace from the Open Hearts Collection . It was beautiful and I loved it. I have never gotten jewelry, or any gift for that matter, from a boy before. Holding it in my hands gave me butterflies in my stomach. I was just so overjoyed and emotional by this that I wanted to cry, but that was going to have to be put off until later. The last thing I wanted was to start crying in front of everyone on Christmas. I blushed when I realized that everyone was watching me, so I said thank you to James and gave him a hug before going back to the other presents the families had given me.

I was surprised that they actually took the time and thought to buy me something. I honestly thought the boys were the only ones giving me gifts, not their families too. I was completely surprised and moved by this. And also considering that this were mostly women so I got really cute stuff that I wouldnt have thought on buying. For example, Cute black peep toes with a bow on the strap from Mr. and Mrs. Garcia. An adorable purple blouse with black skirt from Mrs. Mitchell. Gorgeous silver hoop earings from Katie (I was surprised by this) and a red reindeer sweater from Mrs. Knight (who had made it herself). I thanked each and every one of them with grateful hugs and compliments on my gifts. They answered like it was nothing, like it was no big deal that they gifted someone else. Like I was actually part of their family.

But then thats when it happened. The boys were gonna open my gifts next. I didnt want to see this, I wanted to disappear. I was really nervous, even scared, that they werent going to like their gifts. nausea swirled in me as I tried to hide in the torn up wrapping paper, but I was frozen in place, unable to move my eyes from the boys and the gifts in their hands.

Well the good thing is was that the boys not only liked their gifts, but I had it exclaimed that they loved it and that it was very thoughtful. So let me explain what I did:

Black Friday, a month ago, I bought four white wicker styled baskets which I filled up with items that complimented each of my friends. For Kendall I had filled it up with hockey stuff-waxes, tape, whatever he would want or need plus four tickets to see Minnesota play against Vancouver next week. This was very much approached because I didnt fill the gift basket up with just stuff he would need, but stuff he wanted also. Logan was tough, but I was able to figure it out and fill his basket up. I had some bags of microwave popcorn, movie theater candy, four different sets of tickets to see various movies that he has been talking about since I could last remember, a bucket that I had made out of ticket stub rolls, and Phoebe Nashe's new book. I know it didnt really go with the whole movie theater theme, but I really wanted to get it for him. Logan actually fainted at this because he didnt even know there was a new book out. Carlos was easy. I just filled his basket up to the brim with candy. James was hard, which is what made up most of my nerves and nausea. For James, I did a music/concert theme thing. In his basket, I gave him a few cd's that he'd been wanting, not anything new that he was going to get for Christmas (I, of course, talked to their parents before buying anything), a few Itunes gift cards, a T-shirt of one of his favorite bands along with two concert tickets to that band. I had spent alot on making the gift baskets, about a months worth salarie, but it was worth it. Especially once they clarified that I am one of the bestest friends (and girlfriend) ever.

Once the parents exchanged their gifts and the gift wrapping was over, it was time to get to work. I stacked my presents neatly on the coffee table next to Logan's gifts so they will be safe and out of the way while we cleaned up. As they boys got garbage bags and started tossing the wrapping paper and excise boxes away, I went into the kitchen to help prepare dinner with Mrs. Mitchell. Dinner wasnt as crazy nor as eventful as Thanksgiving, which you kinda have to be glad for. It was nice and peaceful and I enjoyed it. I sat next to Kendall and Logan, which is good to be seated between two semi-level headed people. The table was decorated nicely for the occasion. A new centerpiece sat in the middle of the table. It looked like a wreath with holly berries scattered around in the needles. A group of red candle sticks sat in the middle, their flames sitting ever so nicely on the wick while we ate.

After dinner, I helped clear the table and wash the dishes when James stole me away and took me outside. The air was freezing, the sky pitch black as we stood on the back patio to the Mitchell's backyard. The concrete was cold beneath my bare feet as James slid the sliding glass door closed and moved me out of sight so no one could see us. A glass table top picnic table sat in the middle of the concrete patio slab, its blue umbrella closed in the middle of the table, the chairs neatly pushed in. A blue above ground pool sat in the yard, a cover over it so no bugs or leaves would litter it during the harsh winter months. Through the light of the porch lamp, I could make out a flower garden following the length of the back gate behind the pool.

"So," James said, dragging out the word. I snapped my focus off of the yard and looked at him. I couldnt help but not smile at him in his cute snowman pajamas. "Do you like your gift?"

"I love it," I said, fingering the key around my neck. He had helped me put it on shortly after ive received it. It was a sweet, yet blush worthy, moment as the romantic gesture happened with everyone staring at us. But it didnt make it any less special.

I took a gulp of air, trying to swallow the lump in my throat as I squeaked out the next question. "Did you like my gift?" I was honestly afraid of the answer. But I did really want to know what he thought of it.

James sighed as he wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me close to me. "Remy, I honestly dont think anyone could find me a more perfect gift."

I smiled up at him as he smiled back. Who cares about the warm house inside. That smile warmed me up all over.

"You know," James said, breaking the sweet silent moment we had staring at each other. "I was having a hard time finding you something."

"Oh really?" I flirted.

"Yes," He gave me a light laugh at my attempt to still flirt with him even though I have him. "I wanted to find you the perfect gift. Someone like you deserves to be given something special."

I blushed at this, breaking our eye contact to look down. But James had me so close that I was technically berrying myself in his chest. He lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.

"But then," He continued, "I found this." He fingered the key hanging from my kneck. "I knew you had a thing for keys, so it must be perfect. But its also a symbol. A sentimental item."

"Of what?" I choked out. My heart beat violently against my ribs, daring to beat out.

"The key to my heart,"James whispered. My breath caught in my throat as all time stood still. It was just me and James, in this moment. "You're the only one allowed in my heart, Remy."

I didnt know how to reply, how could you? It was one of the sweetest moments anyone could experience. No words were meant to be spoken. I stood on my tip toes, closing the space between us. His lips met mine and everything fell from there.

"Merry Christmas, Remy," James whispered in my ear, holding me tight against him.

"Merry Christmas James," I whispered back.


	15. A Romantic Way To Be Asked Out

The rest of the year went by fast and so did the first month of the new year. Party after party with each holiday passing, especially Boxing Day. But now a new one was coming our way. One that made my stomach turn and head spin.

I sighed as I opened the door to my house that chilly February afternoon. School had dragged on, seeming like it would never end. Like they usually do when I don't see James the whole day. New feelings have sprung up for him during this past month that I don't know how to explain. I'm too embarrassed to talk to my mom or anyone about it. But I honestly don't know what to do. I guess im just hoping that the answer will pop out in front of me.

I locked the front door behind me since my mom is going out with Phil tonight and won't be home until late tonight sometime. I dropped my backpack onto one of the kitchen chairs as I entered and went to the fridge for some orange juice. I took the carton out of the fridge and poured the orange liquid into a glass before putting it back in the fridge and taking a sip.

I sat my glass down on the table as I slid into a chair behind it. I was kind of worried since I haven't heard or seen James at all today. Was he okay? He had to be avoiding me. Is he mad at me for some reason? What did I do to make him mad? I sat back and ran over every conversation we had the past month, analyzing our most recent ones to see if I lit a fuze on James or something. I wasn't mean to him. I didn't say anything that would come off as disrespectful or mean about his family or friends, or his low IQ. What did I do wrong?

I sighed and took out one of my text books from my book bag. I just cracked it open when the doorbell rang.

I glanced at the door before shutting the book and sliding out of my chair. I walked quickly to the door and looked through the peephole. When no rings followed nor did I see anyone through the peephole, I opened the door and found the front porch empty. I stuck my head out and looked both ways, hoping to see someone. But it was clear.

"Humph?" I sighed, shrugging and stepping back inside. It was probably a prank. Wouldn't be shocked if it was since im not the most liked girl in the world. I was about to shut the door when something on the ground caught my eye. It appeared to be an envelope of some kind. I checked my surroundings again before cautiously picking up the object and going back inside. I locked the door again before opening the letter just in case it was a prank or set up of some kind.

But it wasn't.

This is what the letter said:

_Roses are red, violets are blue_

_Go to the tree where flowers bloom in the spring for your next clue_

_~J_

I read over the note at least 150 times before I stopped and pondered this. Who sent it? What did the 'J' stand for? Was it James? Did James leave me the note? I guess there was only one way to find out.

I grabbed my sweater and threw on my boots before trudging out into the chilly air of the afternoon. The sun was setting and was hiding behind my house when I walked out so I wasn't surprised with sunlight blinding me like it does every morning. I walked down the pathway, passing the yard that was nothing but dead, brown grass. In a few months the grass will start growing and it would soon become perfectly green again. But for now it just has to get through the next harsh three months.

When I got to the sidewalk, I took out the note and looked at it. _Go to the tree where flowers bloom in the spring for your next clue. _So that means my next clue is a tree that also grows flowers on it. Okay that would mean every tree on Melody Lane. There had to be another tree that wasn't on Melody Lane that has flowers blooming on it in the spring. I did a quick look around my neighborhood to only find dead trees with no memories of ever having flowers on them.

Stumped, I started walking towards Melody Lane. If that means I have to look at every tree then that means I have to look at every tree to find the clue.

The wind blasted at me full force with cold air, shooting goosebumps up my arms and legs and whipping my hair into my face. I sighed as I pushed my hair out of my face and continued walking. I stuck my hands in my pockets, the note bunched up in my fist. It confused me. Who would send me on a hunt for a clue? And why did they not tell me who it was? I mean if you wanted to be anonymous then just put anonymous or nothing! Dont just leave me with a single letter.

I was turning onto Tulip avenue when I looked up and saw it. Across from me it sat in a yard that was browned from the winter months. Most of it was branches with some green leaves still hanging on for all they had. It was a pretty tree and the house looked familiar. Thats when it hit me. It was the Parkinsin's house. My mom used to take me to their house for them to watch me when I was younger after my dad left. I remembered sitting on their porch eating an ice pop on a hot summer afternoon when school was out and my mom was at work. I remembered looking up and looking at the pretty purple flowers...

I took off across the street and bounded up the curb onto the sidewalk. I dashed across the yard, dead grass crunching beneath my feet as ran towards the tree. There, on the back of it away from the sight from anyone on the street, a white envelope laid flapping in the wind, taped to the tree.

I ripped it off of the tree and opened it, huffing and puffing trying to catch my breath. This is what the note said:

_Yay! You found it! I was worried that you wouldn't be able to find it because my directions seemed to stink._

_Well now since you found it, on with your next directions!_

_Here you will find me, your next clue. Think back to when, I first met you._

_~J_

This made me kind of pissed off. Directions? My clues were only directions? Where was this going? How long was he going to keep this up?

I puffed out a frustrated breath as I stuck the note in my pocket and started walking out of the Parkinsin's yard. _Think back to when I first met you. _What did that mean? Who did I meet at this place?

I started walking towards the school because if I were to have met anyone who would be giving me directions as clues, it would probably be there. As I walked, I ran over the clue in my head. As I did so, it got me thinking. The note at the beginning explaining about how I might not have found it because the directions might have stunk seemed too casual to tell someone you barely know. So it couldn't just be some random classmate. Could it? I didn't think so. So that would mean it probably was one of the boys.

The longer I walked, the more I pondered, the more I believed that James was behind these notes. It seemed like something he would do. Have me running all around town on a scavenger hunt for some surprise. That would make sense especially with the whole J thing. Of course only a boyfriend would give a riddle as such as where I first met you. In our case it would be school. Or if you count the lake.

Oh.

The lake.

How could I have been so stupid.

I stopped in front of the school and dashed towards the way to the park, where once I arrived, I found a white envelope tapped to a tree right by the lake.

_For your next clue, look for something that moo's_

Okay this was defiantly James. Something that moo's...A cow, duh. But we didn't have any cows, unless he means milk.

I took off to the grocery store where I found another clue underneath the sixteenth carton of milk I looked under.

The scavenger hunt I was inconveniently sent on lasted about another three hours. The more I got into it the more I became positive my boyfriend was behind it. And I would bet my life his friends were helping him too. He had me running all over town looking for clues in some of the craziest places. Good thing I spent the first sixteen years of my life studying and becoming smart or else I probably wouldn't be able to catch on as quickly. The way the hunt was set up made me think that it took planning of some sort. So this was probably why I didn't see James at all today. He probably spent all the time he had setting up clues. That would make sense.

The last clue I found was underneath the bleachers at our rival school. The only difference was this one gave me direct instructions. No riddles. No finding.

_Meet me at the Gazebo in Mount Lake Park at 8 o'clock_

I looked at my watch and sighed. I barely had fifteen minutes to run across town and through the gardens of Mount Lake Park to the Gazebo. It sucked because I didn't have enough time to go home and clean up to make myself look at least half decent to see James. I probably looked like a reck from running around town all day with the cursed wind and cold air.

I was tired from running around literally and all of the walking. I walked a few blocks over to the bus stop and sat down. I fingered the change in my pocket of my jeans and decided I had enough for a bus ticket. I caught sight of my reflection in the glass that surrounded the bench and sighed. I ran my fingers through my hair trying to make it not look like Medusa's. The bus pulled up and I got on it and handed the bus driver my change before taking a seat in the back.

Mountain Lake is one of the mountains that touch our town. It sits on the edge of our town and stretches over to two towns over. People used to climb it until it became too dangerous in the harsh winter months for it to be disturbed by climbers. So instead the town built a garden off of it. Different kinds of bushes and tree's and plants and flowers fill the hundreds of acres of the park, making a maze to different off set sections which are for sitting and sight seeing. Most of these off sections have marble water fountains and neatly carved benches. But one particular off section has a gazebo. The Gazebo off section is one of the most romantic sights in all of Minnesota. Roses and bachelor buttons surround the perimeter of the Gazebo along with other colorful flowers. The flowers planted in the Gazebo area are made for every season. So when one species dies for the season, another one blooms. It is so in that case no matter what time of year you go, there is always a variety of colorful flowers to see.

When the bus stopped a blocks away from Mount Lake Park, I got off and started walking. When I got to the main building of garden I walked up to the receptionists desk and ordered a pass.

"Name please," the receptionist asked, looking at her monitor.

"Remy Madison," I said, cringing at my name. I always hated that my full name was a double first name. I couldn't wait to get married just so I could change it. But with my luck i'll probably wind up with a guy who's last name is Fred.

"Well it looks like your pass has already been paid for," the receptionist said, who by her name tag said was Ruby. "Just go right in."

"Really?" I said, astonished.

"Mmhmm," Ruby said nicely probably wishing I would leave.

I stood there gaping for a while. Wow. He really does have everything under control. I thanked Ruby after composing myself and stepped out the back door back into the cold night. The sun set long ago, being we were still in our winter months, even though its staying lighter out longer then it did two months ago. I started walking through the maze of flowers and different plants, nice metal lamps lighting my way through to the Gazebo.

The Gazebo is white with red wood flooring and two red wood steps. The red wood reminds me of a red velvet cupcake. It is the reason why I dyed the top of my hair the color it is. I always dreamed of romance. Of being loved by a guy and being in love. My mother took me to Mount Lake Park when I was younger for my birthday once. It was the first time I ever seen the Gazebo and heard its story. Ever since then I've been in love with everything about it. I've dreamt about the day that the man I love would take me there for a date and kiss me underneath the stars.

When you get to the Gazebo, the lamps end and lanterns light up the Gazebo. Paper lanterns are strung around the Gazebo, making it that much more romantic. Butterflies whirled in my stomach like a tornado at the thought that this was actually happening. My boyfriend is meeting me at the Gazebo. I am meeting my boyfriend at the Gazebo. The moment I've been wanting since I was seven.

I stopped in the middle of the path and leaned against one of the lamp polls. I closed my eyes and inhaled deep and slowly and exhaled, repeating the process until bile no longer threatened to make an appearance. I opened my eyes which didn't seem as blurry as they did a moment ago when I was certain I was going to throw up and pass out. I took a few more breaths before re-composing myself and continuing down the path.

When I reached the Gazebo, I saw him. His back was to me as he looked at the flowers behind the Gazebo. His stance was still, shoulders slumped a bit, his legs switching sides way too often meaning he was growing impatient. I knew he was waiting for someone. That someone was me.

"James," I breathed, stopping a few feet away from the steps.

James turned around, his beautiful brown eyes locking with mine. "Remy," James said softly, so smooth as if it were velvet or silk. A smile spread across his face showing off his perfect pearly whites. He had on dark washed jeans and white sneakers while he was all snuggled in warm in is grey sweatshirt. He barely looked cold, but the rosiness on his cheeks and nose told me other wise. He hopped down onto the step. "You made it."

"Just barely," I laughed. My laugh was causal, but with a bit of hysteria in it. I was surprise by my voices' calmness since I was freaking out in the inside. I was here, with my boyfriend, at the Gazebo. I should be flipping the world upside down. But I felt completely calm. It seemed impossible since not even moments ago I was freaking out, about to pass out. But I felt at ease now looking at James. Even though I didn't feel like I was going to pass out I did feel nauseous from all the butterflies fluttering around in my tummy.

We looked into each other's eyes for a minute. No, we were talking by looking at each others eyes. No words were meant to be spoken, we knew all that needed to be said by gazing. A smile spread on my face as James hopped back onto the landing of the Gazebo and sat down on the bench. I quickly, and surprisingly confidently, strode up the rest of the path and up the stairs until I was sitting besides James.

We sat there for a moment in silence. I looked around the Gazebo taking in every inch of it. The red wood. The white benches. The pretty different color flowers that surrounded us. The way the paper lanterns strung around the Gazebo casted a romantic glow over us. I felt James' eyes on me the whole time which made me tear my gaze from my surroundings to my hands on my lap and blush.

"They're not here are they?" I asked glancing around the Gazebo.

James chuckled and shook his head. "No. They're at home."

I nodded at this. "They helped you didn't they? With the clues I mean."

James tore his eyes off of me and looked at the wood. He contemplated my question while he kept his smile on his face. "Yeah, they helped. But I left them and came here by myself to wait for you."

This made my head spin. It was simple, but so sweet.

"I'm sorry I look like a reck," I said. His eyes were on me, but I didn't dare meet them. I just stared at my badly chipped polished nails. "I didn't have enough time to clean up before I came to meet you here."

I felt embarrassed to be here with him. He looked all nice and clean and I looked like I was run through the dryer with dirt. I knew from day one I would never be as pretty as James Diamond. But I hoped that I would at least be pretty enough next to him that I wouldn't look like garbage he picked up.

"Remy," James murmured as he put his finger underneath my chin, tilting my head until I was forced to look into his eyes. "I don't care that you weren't able to go home and clean up after running around town all day." He smirked at this. His smirk dropped as he looked me dead in the eye and said: "You're beautiful Remy. No matter what."

Tears stung my eyes at hearing him says this. "Thank you James," I whispered.

He smiled in response, showing completely sincerity and compassion. Before I could stop myself, I had my arms flung around his neck as I buried my face in his shoulder. James responded by wrapping his arms around me, hugging me tighter to him.

We stayed like that for a few minutes before I pulled back. We were silent before I broke the ice.

"So, why did you bring me here?" I asked. It may have been an obvious question, but I wanted to know if there was an actual reason then just a spontaneous date.

James smiled and blushed a little. "I, uh," He stuttered, licking his lips. "I wanted to ask you something."

"What?" I asked. My face was burning up like I was on the sun. Butterflies were full on swarming in my stomach.

James looked me dead in the eye. "Remy, will you go to the Valentines Ball with me?"

My jaw would have dropped to the floor if it wasnt for the fact I was frozen in place from shock. But my eyes did go wide. I've never been asked out before until I met James, let alone ever being asked out to a dance before. It made my head swim just thinking about buying a dress and showing up to my school in heels and walking into the gym to see my entire school in James' arms. But James spent the whole day, and how many days it took plan, hiding clues that led me to the Gazebo for him to ask me out.

I was so filled up with mixed emotions that when I opened my mouth to answer him, I blurted out the first thing on my mind. Thank God it was the right thing.

"Yes."

If possible, James' smile grew bigger.

"Alight then," He said. I laughed at this, both of us blushing madly.

"Hey Remy," James said half an hour later as we both stood up to leave.

"Yeah?" I asked turning around to face him. He caught my gaze and started walking towards me. In one swift motion he had his arms wrapped around me, pushing me to him as his lips crushed against mine. I melted into his arms at that moment, kissing him back. It was just me and him at that moment, nothing else mattered. I finally got my kiss under the stars at the Gazebo.

* * *

**Hey guys1**

**I hope you liked the chapter!**

**Also, im sorry this is going to be another holiday that is going to be very very very super delayed**

**and I know my poems are suckish, but I needed something sooooo...**

**~XOXOXBecca :3**


	16. The Cats Out Of The Bag

**So I thought it was about time I fucked things up a bit. Enjoy ;)**

* * *

I was so mesmerized by the previous night that I completely forgot I was in English.

"Miss Madison?" Mr. Dart asked, scolding me with his words.

"Oh!" I quickly jumped at his voice. The class snickered under Mr. Dart's glare. I immediately blushed and wished a black hole would engulf me.

"Please pay attention," Mr. Dart said as he turned around and began writing again. I sighed and sank lower into my seat. I could still feel the eyes burrowing into me as the class continued. One con to dating James was being seen. I admit that I liked being noticed, but I did not like all the attention I was getting. I would be fine with just having James, Kendall, Carlos, and Logan knowing I existed instead of all the envious glares from snobby girls in the halls and throughout class.

When the last class of the day ended, I shoveled my stuff into my backpack and quickly made my way out the door. I did not want to stay here any longer.

I quickly walked through the halls, squeezing in between the mobs of students getting out from their class. I didn't bother trying to find the boys in the sea of students. I knew well enough now that I would find them in front of the school on the sidewalk waiting for my arrival. I ducked low, cramming my body into a ball as I pushed past the students in attempting to get out of the building. Strong arms grabbed me by my elbow, pulling me out of the crowd and down the Seniors hall which was almost empty aside from the occasional friends goofing off and couples making out against lockers.

I jumped, startled when seeing how close he was.

"Hi," he said, his voice smooth and sexy. It sent goose bumps up my arms. His lips curled into a smile, showing off his perfectly white teeth which sparkled like the diamond he was.

"Hi," I breathed. The small distance between us had butterflies swarming in my stomach, my heart jumping to my throat.

"So I needed to ask you something," James said ever so casually as he ran his hands up and down my arms.

I stared up at him, my heart racing in my chest. A million thoughts ran through my head of what he could possible ask. Did he want to know of what I thought about last night? Was he breaking up with me? Only he could answer.

"My mom wanted to get together to go over plans for the dance," James began. My heart calmed down, no longer threatening to appear outside of my body, and I calmed down a bit. "So I wanted to know, well she, wanted to know if you could come over for dinner tonight?"

immediately all my nerves jumped back into place. Brooke Diamond wanted me to come over for dinner to discuss dance plans? Brooke wanted me to come to dinner?

I wanted to say no. I couldn't. Brooke Diamond was a fierce and vicious women. She would reveal my secret in an instant. The first minute under Brooke's stare would have me throwing up and passing out. But I found myself agreeing to dinner under James' brown eyes. Damn him.

"Awesome!" James said, his smile growing wider. He grabbed one of my hands as we started walking out of the school. People turned and stared at us, giving us looks as if "how the hell did she get him?" I tried to ignore them as we walked pasted, ducking my head lower trying to hide my face. James noticed this and squeezed my hand, giving me a confidence boost. It didn't matter what they thought, even though I hardly believed it myself, James wanted me for some reason. He was mine and he loved it. I spent too long trying to figure out why, but I guess there is no reason for it.

Kendall, Carlos and Logan were crowded on the sidewalk in front of the school, like always, when we strolled up. They all looked pretty pissed off and annoyed. We just stopped in front of them when Kendall spoke.

"Coach calls for an emergency hockey meeting," Kendall said flatly. James groaned, clearly aggravated by the news.

He ran a hand through his hair, loosening his grip on my hand but never letting go. "Alright," James sighed, "Let's go."

The boys started leaving, walking back towards the school. James turned to me.

"I gotta go," James spoke. Of course I already knew this since I was there for the whole thing. But it wasn't uncommon for someone to forget my presence. "Dinner is at six. I'll see you there."

"Okay," I said softly. James smiled before pecking a kiss on my forehead and running up to catch up with his friends. I watched him go off with the other three, sighing as they disappeared inside the school. Alone, I started walking towards my house. It was three thirty-two and dinner was at six. I had time to do my homework and get ready before I had to head to the Diamonds house.

* * *

"Hey," James said, practically glowing as I stepped inside. The Diamond's house was a place to admire. Even though with it's normal structure, the house was luxurious, filled with fancy furniture and pretty things. I admired it, hoping one day I would live in a place like this. But those were too big of dreams for me at the moment considering I had to finish high school and go to college and get my life started. I silently sighed to myself at the thought as James shut the door.

"Right this way," James gestured with his hand. I smiled at him as I walked past his gesture, going down the hallway. I could feel James presence as he followed me. His directions led me to the dining room which consisted of a large round glass table and six chairs surrounding it. White lace placemats sat in front each chair along with white porcelain plates and shiny silverware. A vase of purple flowers sat in the middle of the table, throwing the whole room off making it even more admirable.

James pulled out a seat, gesturing for me to it. I smiled wider and blushed as I took my seat and James pushed me in. He took the seat next to me, flashing me a smile in return.

"Such the gentleman, Mr. Diamond," I teased, making him laugh. I had only been in the Diamond's house twice. Once when James forgot his hockey helmet at home when at the park for a hockey game one day. He had given me a key after I stupidly offered to run back and get it. Thankfully Brooke wasn't home so I was able to get in and get out fast. The second, me and all the boys came over to free James of chores, but that didn't work and made us wind up helping clean the Diamonds house.

Brooke Diamond appeared moments later, a bowl of what looked like chow main in her hands. She sat the large bowl in the middle of the table, the flowers disappearing from sight.

* * *

Dinner was actually. . . . . .pleasant, I should say. We talked about plans for the upcoming dance which, thank God, really had nothing to do directly with me. We had plans for a limo, dinner, and whereabouts of an after party one of James' hockey teammates was throwing afterwards. It was all coming along great. So great, actually that my anxiety went down and I started to enjoy myself. That was until Brooke dropped the ball.

"So Remy," Brooke said casually, swishing the champagne around in her glass. "Have you found a dress yet?"

My body went stiff, every muscle tensing. Oh no. It was going so well, but now-Now it's just gone. I gulped as I fished around for an excuse. I did actually find a dress though. After spending the previous night with my mom looking at dresses we found one that was perfect. I was so in love. Until we saw the price. Now I'm spending my whole upcoming paycheck on the dress, along with my mom. I had called the owner this morning to see if I could haggle the price lower. He said that if I had $900 for him a week in advance, he would give me the dress and pay it in small doses. But if you haven't noticed, nine-hundred is a lot of money. Money I didn't have. Of course I would never tell Brooke nor James this. So I lied.

"Actually no," I said, trying to hide the anxiousness in my voice. I took a sip of my drink, Coca Cola to be precise, as Brooke mulled this over.

She smiled, her face beaming like a unicorns. "Great! I have a friend who is an excellent designer. She's designed for everyone: Beyoncé, Sandra Bullock, Lady Gaga."

"Really?" I said, trying to sound excited. But deep down I felt like I was going to throw up. I took another sip of my soda as Brooke went on.

"Yeah! So I told her about you and James and she said she will make a dress especially for you!" Brooke enthusiasm could have been identified a mile away. As for me, I just wanted to die.

Brooke continued. "It will only be fifteen hundred." My body went numb. Only fifteen hundred? Was this women crazy? Did she have a room off a hallway that was filled to the top with money? "That won't be a problem now, would it?"

My hesitation caught both James and Brooke's attention. James smile faltered, probably thinking of why I wasn't excited anymore. Brooke had a tight smirk on her lips as if she were saying "gotcha ya."

"Actually," I stammered, breaking into a cold sweat. The room swayed around me, making my head feel like a balloon.

"You will be able to pay for the dress, right?" Brooke questioned. At my hesitation, Brooke's smirk deepened.

"Well," I stuttered. This was it. Game over. She had me right where she wanted me. It was going to come out sooner or later. I stared down at my hands as her stare burrowed into me.

she tsk-ed as she adjusted herself in her seat. "It's a shame how these days girls can't even afford to buy a dress."

Tears stung at my eyes, forcing to release. I felt sick and truly wanted to leave. I wanted to banish into thin air. To become so small. To be nothing. Why had I ever agreed to become friends with them? Why did I ever kiss James. Everything swam around in my head, making me sick.

I swallowed, trying to push the lump that had formed in my throat down enough so I could speak. "Thank you for having me," I said politely. "But I have to go." I tossed the cloth napkin I had on my lap onto the table and pushed back my chair, standing up and exiting the room as slowly as I could. Once out of sight, I took off and out of the house. I flew down the steps, the tears escaping my eyes before my foot hit the first step.

They knew.

It was out now. They knew my deepest darkest secret. It was so embarrassing for them to know I was poor. They probably suspected it anyways. I was humiliated beyond words at that moment.

"Remy!" James' voice called behind me. "Remy! Please stop! Stop! Remy, please stop and let me talk to you!"

At James' words, I stopped. I was going to have to face him sooner or later. And even though I wanted it to be later, I rather just do it now. I was already hurt and embarrassed. No point in worrying about this moment any longer.

Sobbing, I stopped and faced James. We were standing in the middle of the street, the clouds covering what was left of the moon.

"What happened back there?" James asked. His words seeped with emotion. He was clearly confused and worried about me. "Are you okay?"

I snapped. "No James I'm not, okay? I never been okay! I'm fucking poor James! I have been and always will be!" The words escaped my lips without any thought. I knew the truth for a long time, but to have them said out loud burned like acid on my tongue.

James said nothing, too shocked for words. He stared at me with those big brown eyes. The ones that will never understand anything I've gone through.

"I'm poor James," I said more softly. But the anger build back up way to fast, boiling over like lava on an active volcano. "I spent most of the money that I spent years saving so I could go to college just so you wouldn't find out." I took a deep breath, choking back a sob. "James we aren't met to be together. I've never understood why you guys have kept me around this long. I'm a loser, I'm poor, how much more until you throw me to the curb for the trash I am? We are from two different worlds James. And those worlds can't collide."

I was bawling now. The fear I've had ever since me and James started going out crept in my stomach, churning and turning the bile in the pit. James stayed silent, not making a peep. Clearly he didn't know what to say. Honestly, I was thankful for that.

"Remy," James said ever so softly, but I just shook my head.

"Goodbye James," I said. Vision blurry and my head spinning, I took off down the street towards my house. All along the way hoping a car would hit me.


	17. Rescued Once Again

**The continuing saga n how effed up this story is getting. Enjoy ;)**

* * *

I was cold, the wind didn't help with that fact. My lungs burned in my chest from sobbing and running across town at the same time. By the time I reached the intersection that branched off to my street I felt like a noodle. My chest and throat ached from the running, my eyes felt raw, my skin numb. I felt weak and dizzy. I just wanted to get home.

Once I turned onto the street leading to my house, I stopped and walked the rest of the way. I needed to give myself a break from the running. I needed to process my thoughts. I had nothing to really fear since I doubt James would be coming after me after I yelled at him and basically broke up with him. All because of money and his mom.

It was so stupid how relationships can end. Lives can be ruined. People can die. All over a thin piece of green colored paper. But that thin piece of green paper meant too much to people all over the world. It was mad. What happened to good old fashioned coins?

My breath came out jagged as walked, my throat burning in protest as if it were yelling at me to stop crying. But I honestly couldn't stop now after I realized what a big mistake I made.

Why couldn't I have just said no? If I were to have said no to James' offer none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have been confronted and humiliated by Brooke. My secret would still be safe with me, and I wouldn't have broken up with one of the few people who meant the most to me.

exhausted from the night in general, I dragged my feet up the steps that belonged to the front porch and to the door. A faint glow illuminated inside, telling me that my mom was home. I twisted the brass door knob and pushed it open, walking inside.

Silence followed my entry. That's odd. Usually when I come home, my mom quickly asks who's there, wondering if she should pour a second glass of orange juice or dial 911. But this time she didn't. She didn't say anything. Curious now, I slipped off my jacket as I cautiously walked to the kitchen. The living room light was on so I knew she was home. On the nights she isn't home, she only leaves the kitchen light on as a sort of signal telling me that she was not there.

The farther I walked to the kitchen, the more the night washed away from thought. I was filled with pure worry and confusion now. Walking past, I checked each object in my surroundings, just in case I needed a weapon. There wasn't much, just some pictures frames, which were plastic, and an empty soda can.

When I entered the kitchen, I was taken aback from the view. A man sat on one of the stools at our tiny kitchen table, sipping a glass of wine. He looked to be around the age of forty with raven black hair that had freckles of gray mixed in. He wore a crisp black suit and looked oddly calm considering he was a stranger sitting in someone elses house.

"Oh!" I gasped when I saw him, immediately taking a step back. A thousand thoughts on how to use a soda can to blind him ran through my head.

"Oh. Hello there," the man said. He flashed me a welcoming smile before sliding out of his chair and holding out his hand. "Your mom invited me over, though she had to run out and get somethings for dinner. I'm Phil. You must be her daughter Remy."

I gave a sigh of relief. So I finally met the guy my mom had been dating for the past four months. How thoughtful of her to tell me he was coming over and saved me the heart attack.

I smiled warmly back, trying to hide the adrenaline still coursing through my body. I shook his hand and answered, "Yes I am."

We released hands after an awkward moment of an unusally long hand shake. I wiped my hands on my jeans, trying to wipe off the sweat that had formed out of the nervousness.

"I never knew Patricia had such a lovely young women as a daughter," Phil commented as I went to pour myself a glass of juice. I almost dropped the jug at his words, which surprised me. Call me awkward, but the sentence just seemed. . . wrong. Maybe it's just that I don't know how to take a compliment. But the way he spoke, the way he said it along with those words sent a shiver up my spine.

The feeling didn't go away when I turned to flash him a grin to thank him for the compliment and I saw him staring at me. Not in the way that he was intrigued by what I was doing. Because honestly, me pouring a glass of orange juice isn't very entertaining. If you wanted to watch me do it, you can come over every day for the rest of my life to do so. But his eyes traveled around as if he were checking me out. Super creepy.

I have had guys check me out before. Me blushing at just thinking those words since not even six months ago I would have laughed at the suggestion. But dating James had brought a lot of attention to me, including those of guys. But even then I have never seen such lust in them. As if he were just now getting a package he had been waiting for for a while. The excitement and wonder in his eyes, it made me want to puke.

Everything felt wrong. I couldn't stay there. I quickly grabbed my glass and planned my escape.

"Well it was nice meeting you, but I have homework to do," I said making myself sound apologetic. To even make things believable, I took the empty glass from the table and stuck it in the sink, making an effort to look like I wasn't rushing out of there and that I was a good student. But maybe that wasn't the right idea.

I turned around to walk out of the room to come face to face with Phil. His face was close as he stalked forward, causing me to back up in attempt to put space between us. My back hit the side of the sink, and even then he pushed me against it, his hands going on either side of me, trapping me there with him.

"Um-" I stammered. "Can you please back up?"

Phil just chuckled, low and evilly. I took a big gulp. "Oh sweetie," he said, almost purring. "So innocent yet so ignorant."

I whimpered as his hands roamed up and down my body, his breath hot and urgent on my neck. I knew what was going to happen. I knew it all to well. You can blame it on the crime shows I liked to watch with my mom. But it is because of those crime shows, watching people's mistakes fall out in front of them, that I knew how to make the right decision in getting away.

With all my might, I kicked Phil hard in the groin, making him groan and release me. I pushed him and took that time to get free. I took off toward the kitchen door, actually thinking that I could get free, until Phil grabbed my shoulder and twisted me around. I smacked his hand off and pushed him away, my reaction caused him to slap me across the face. My cheek burned from where his hand connected with it. My face grew hot and anger and fear burned in my stomach. As Phil advanced on me again, I did the one thing I was always told to do in a situation like this.

I screamed.

I didn't think it would help much since no one was home. But hopefully the neighbors would hear and come and investigate. Of course with my luck that didn't happen. Phil rushed over and clamped his hand over my mouth, muffling my screams. I stopped as soon as I looked in his eyes and saw the eagerness in them. My screams only made it worse.

"Please stop," I begged as Phil released his hand from my mouth, using it now to try to undress me. Tears streamed from my eyes as I came to face the cold reality. He was too strong for me. Me being Remy, I was weak. I was a tiny doll being treated like a ragged one. My head swam and I prayed it would be quick and wouldn't hurt that much. All hope gone, I stopped struggling, knowing I would never get free and that it was going to happen. That was until there was a knock on the door.

This stopped Phil in his tracks. immediately his hand flew over my mouth, whispering in a soothing voice "Shhh." It made my skin crawl. I knew this was the last chance I was ever going to get to make sure it didn't happen. In a swift reaction that surprised Phil, I opened my mouth and chomped down on his hand. He yelped and pulled it back, doing just as I wanted.

"HELP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "PLEASE HELP ME!" the last words were muffled as Phil's hand came down on my mouth again. Maybe that didn't help the situation. With my luck it wouldn't be one of the neighbors coming to check to see what the noise was. It would probably be one of his friends coming to help or to tell him that they had finished my mom and her body was in an unlocated spot. And also, it made Phil want to finish the job faster.

I struggled under his grip, which pissed him off. In one swift movement, he picked me up and threw me against the wall is if I were nothing. Pain shot through my body as I connected with the wall and fell to the floor. I began sobbing uncontrollably. It was all so frustrating and I was terrified. At first I thought I had a chance, but then he took it from me to where I thought I wouldn't. But then I got a glimmer of hope, an opening. But of course that was ruined. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I hope the turn out wasn't as bad as the alternative.

Phil came over then and picked me up, slamming me against the wall. My back pressed against it, Phil got closer and continued where he left off. His hand wrapped around my throat, cutting off air circulation, to not only that I couldn't speak, but I couldn't breath either. I choked under his grip, fighting for air. Not only was it going to happen, but I was going to die also.

Tears spilled down my cheeks as Phil worked on trying to get my jeans down. My vision blurred to where seeing was a big fuzzy image. My head started pounding against my skull, joining in on the dizziness. My lungs begged for air as I grasped Phil's hand, trying to use whatever strength I had left to pull it off. But I was weaker than I was before. There was no chance.

The following events happened in a complete daze that I am still having trouble processing. Through the buzzing in my ears, I heard the sound of the front door banging open. At first I thought it was a figment of my imagination. It couldn't be true. It was too good to be true. But yet it was. Within mere minutes of the door opening, did I hear the faint sound of shouting and an apparent struggle. But at that point I was starting to lose conciousness so all my senses were pretty much dead. But the next moment I knew, the pressure was off of my neck and I breathed in oxygen.

Released and falling to the ground, I started coughing and grabbed my throat. The skin was raw from being squeezed and my throat ached from the pressure. I gasped loudly, my lungs trying to make up for the lost oxygen. I continued to cough as fresh tears began to spill onto my cheeks. That was one of the worst moments ever. And even though Phil suddenly released, I did not take the chance to run. It sounds stupid I now, but at that moment, I felt an unusal warmth fall on me. Like a blanket telling me everything was alright. I felt. . . .safe. It was odd considering I wasn't sure what the heck happened.

I knew I wasn't alone.

After my lungs stopped gasping for the air and my breathing slowed down a bit, I started to cry. Just then two arms grabbed my shoulders. I let out a blood curdling scream and jumped back. The arms released and the atmosphere of the person changed to alarm.

"Remy," the voice said, sounding worried and soothing. "You're okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

I knew the voice all to well. I blinked, trying to get rid of some of the tears but wound up rubbing my eyes. It couldn't be true. Why would it be? I needed to see it for myself. When my eyes were finally cleared from water, I blinked and stared into the most familiar brown eyes ever.

"James," I choked. I had no idea what he was doing here nor how he found out Phil was attacking me. But I didn't care. I was beyond grateful for what had happened that I forgot all about what had happened not even an hour before. But of course my stupid action of the previous hour came back as everything came together. I started crying again.

"Shhh," James said soothingly. Even though those were the same words Phil said to me, his didn't make me cringe and want to vomit. They were soft and soothing as he reassured me with the simple sound. His arms wrapped around me as he brought me to him. I buried my face into his chest and began sobbing harder.

"It's okay Remy," James whispered in my ear as he stroked my hair. We stayed like that for a few moments. I felt safe in his arms, a safeness I thought no one could ever feel. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to stay in his arms all night. I was sad when he pulled away.

James pulled me away from him and held me at arms length. He stared at me straight in the eye and spoke to me. "We'll talk later. But for now let's get you out of here."

James wrapped his arms around me one more time as he helped me up, both of us standing up together. His arm never left my shoulders as he guided me through the house. My eyes were filled with tears and I was blinded once more. But that was okay. My head buried in James' chest, he led me out of the house and down the yard until I was seated in the all too familiar leather upholstery. James shut the car door and quickly walked around to the drivers side. I fastened my seat belt as James put the gears in drive and drove off. To where, I didn't know. What I did know was that I could once again call him my Savior.

* * *

**Weren't expecting that now were you? Mwahaha gotch ya XD**


	18. James Say What Now?

**This story is finally allowing me to fall into synch with it. God I'm having so much fun writing it! **

* * *

The car ride was silent, except for the occasional sob that would escape from my lips. I tried calming down during the ride to wherever James was taking me. Crying uncontrollably now would just make the moment even more awkward.

James pulled into a driveway a few moments later. The headlights shined off the concrete exterior, exposing that we were at his house. Panic filled through me at the thought of seeing Brooke again. Why would he bring me back here after I cried, yelled at him, and ran away? He killed the engine, opening his door and slowly getting out. He quickly went around the car and opened the door for me. He offered me his hand and I took it. Sparks spot up my arm at the contact, but James didn't seem fazed by it. Lifting me out of the car, James pulled me close to him, whispering in my ear.

"My mom doesn't know I left," he whispered, his breath warm in my ear. "Be quiet and try not to cry."

I looked up at him. We were close. Mere inches between me and him. I clamped my mouth shut before I let out another sob and nodded. James started walking towards the side of the house to the back gate, his hand still inside mine. I followed after him obediently, not wanting to break the contact. I didn't want to break up with him, not just because he just saved me once again, but because I had feelings for him. Strong feelings. I didn't want those feelings to get dumped.

When we reached the gate, James let go of my hand, allowing it to flop at my side, as he jimmied as silently as he could with the lock. Moments later, he had the gate open. He held it open for me and I quickly walked into the Diamonds backyard, James behind me, pausing to lock the gate back up then jogging up to me. He took my hand again and led me around the yard to the back of the house. From what I saw from the front and now the back windows, inside the house was completely dark except for the kitchen light, which hung over the stove, providing a small, cool light for midnight snackers.

James stopped in front of a tree that grew up to the roof of the house. It's branches hung low, but not that low, providing a great climbing tree. I remembered Logan telling a story about when they were younger, Carlos fell and broke his arm while climbing the tree. For someone reason that has stuck with me. mostly because I try not to forget anything the boys tell me. I'm flattered that they want to share pieces of their childhood with me. I feel guilty when I don't return it, scared that they would find out my secret and abandon me. I guess I don't have to worry about that now since Brooke knows.

I sighed and walked a few feet to stand by James, who had his hand on the tree.

"You know how to climb?" He asked, looking at me. I shook my head. I never was one to climb tree's. I used to climb the tree in the front yard of people who used to babysit me when I was younger. But once I got scared of falling and the husband had to come and get me. I've never attempted to do it again. James hesitated and spoke again, "It's simple. Just climb the limbs as if you were climbing a ladder."

I nodded at this. As James started climbing the tree, I watched him. It seemed easy for him to do, as if he'd done it a hundred times. Which he probably has, maybe even more. Watching him I started searching my brain for any memory on how to climb a tree. About mid tree, James stopped on a limb, balancing himself on his feet as he stood, leaning towards the house. Every second that passed, my heart pounded faster, harder against my ribs. Every breath he took felt like it would make him fall. Immediately scenarios ran through my head that which in case he did fall, how would I help him.

But those thoughts rendered useless when James flew open a window and effortlessly climbed in. Once in, he beckoned me to follow. My turn.

I walked towards the tree and put my hand on it, feeling the cool bark on my fingers. I moved my hand to the nearest branch and grabbed onto it, feeling the rough wood dig into my palm. I took a deep breath, and with the strength I had left, hoisted myself onto the first branch. I flinched, pain shooting through my body. I closed my eyes, steadying myself on the branch and took a deep breath. I re-opened my eyes and caught sight of the next branch. Carefully, I stood up and grabbed onto the branch.

After a while I fell into rhythm with the climbing. My body no longer protested about the activity, it just kind of immune itself to it. The bark scratched my legs and arms as I dragged myself up the tree, limb by limb. I reached for another branch and caught sight of James standing by the window, waiting. He was close. I was close. I had to be far up. I gulped.

James noticed my hesitation and quickly caught on. Leaning halfway out the window, he extended his arm, offering it as coaxing and said, "Don't look down Remy. Come on you can do it."

So James apparently wasn't too mad at me, considering he was motivating me to not look down and to keep going and not trying to make me fall to my death. Or he was just doing it to get me higher up just to push me down.

I shook the thoughts out of my head and continued climbing. My legs burned in protest as I reached the last branch. I took a deep breath. _Don't look down_. I stood up and carefully began walking across the branch towards the window. I wobbled here and there, sometimes too much. My heart sped up as I focused on the pacing of my feet, James sending words of comfort and motivation all the way. When I was near the ledge, I lost my balance and started leaning. But thankfully James was right there and he caught me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me through the window. I climbed in and released a sigh of relief when I had both of my feet on sturdy ground. James shut the window and walked towards the middle of the room, flicking on a lamp.

The glow filled the room, showing off every inch of the walls. I never seen the room before, but if I were shown every object of this room, I would know exactly who it belonged to.

I was in James' room.

James sat down at the edge of his bed, his feet planted on the floor. He looked over and patted the spot next to him. I walked over and sat down, my body tingling from how close he was. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to feel his lips on mine, to feel his touch on my arms. I wanted James. But I wasn't sure I could anymore.

We sat in silence for a while, staring off into space. I wasn't sure what was going to happen now since I was safe. Was he going to make me talk to his mom? Was he going to yell at me? My head swam and I felt dizzy.

"Remy," James spoke finally. I turned my attention to him, catching his gaze. He looked hurt, sad even. Tonight events had to have paid a toll on him. Through everything that has happened, I have never stopped to think how it might have affected James. Yeah maybe I did want him back, I was stupid to have broken up with him. But maybe James was heartbroken too. He seemed to have liked me for some reason. Even if he didn't know, what had happened must have shocked and hurt him.

After a moment of hesitation, he continued. "What happened tonight?"

I sighed. "Phil-"

"No," James shook his head, stopping me. "Before that."

Of course he would ask that. He would want to know exactly what happened this evening and why. I didn't want to tell him. This conversation was happening too soon. But he was going to figure it out. Or maybe he has and he just wants to hear me say it. Either way, he had to know. So I told him. Everything.

I told him about how my father left and the consequences that followed. I told him about my mothers ever changing jobs. I told him about my part in helping my mom by working, and how I didn't have a super sweet sixteen party. I told him everything I've ever felt, how lonely I was and how I felt like everyone hated me. Since I started, I didn't think I should stop now, so I continued. I told him everything, from how I felt about the new attention towards me. About him liking me and his friends being...well...my friends, and the confusion that followed. When I was done, I took a deep breath, not realizing I had started crying. I laughed, trying to shake some of the tension and wiped my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" James asked. I looked at him once more, into those deep brown eyes. I saw hurt in them.

"Because," I said, looking back down at the floor. "It's embarrassing. I thought that if you knew, you-"

"Wouldn't want to be your friend anymore?" James finished, I nodded. "Remy, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

My head snapped back up to him, catching his gaze. This time though he didn't release it. I squirmed, his eyes blazed with fire. I felt heat rush to my cheeks as embarrassment and anger boiled in my stomach. How could he tell me that it was ridiculous? He didn't have to grow up like I did. He had a house, always knew he would come home and eat a nice, big, hot meal. He still had a father that wanted to see him.

"Remy," James said softly. "I don't care about how much money you have. I like you for a reason, and it's not money. I like you no matter what, money or not."

I started tearing up. Not because I was sad or frustrated, but because I was truly happy. Looking into those sincere eyes of his, I truly believed he liked me for me.

"Oh James," I sobbed. He wrapped his arms around me as buried myself in his chest. I wanted him back. I really wanted him back. I wanted him to be mine. "I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," James murmured. He traced circles in my back as I laid there, no longer crying, just happy to be in his arms. I pulled back suddenly and looked at him.

"Remy," He spoke softly. "Are you serious about it-. . . being over?"

I couldn't help it. I smiled. I shook my head. "No. James I can't let you go."

His lips pulled back over his teeth, forming into his familiar charming smile. "Good, because I'm not letting you go that easy."

I laughed. My sudden burst of happiness made him started laughing to. After everything that had happened today, it was odd to say I felt happy. But I did. James knew all my deepest, darkest secrets, and I still got him back. He had accepted me again, and truly shown me what it feels like to be wanted.

We sat in silence for a moment, getting over our sudden burst of giggles. I looked around the room, taking it all in when a sudden thought occurred to me. "Where's your mom?"

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Sleeping. You don't have to worry about her, she didn't know I left."

I nodded at this. James leaned back in the bed, lying down, his head on his pillows. He snaked his arm around my waist, lightly pulling me down. I smiled and gave in, curling up next to him. James turned off the light allowing us to be swallowed in darkness.

"James?" I said, wanting to ask the thing that had been nagging me since he rescued me.

"Hmm?" He hummed in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

"How did you know Phil was attacking me?" I asked.

I felt James chest rise and fall as he sighed. "We can talk about that tomorrow. For now get some sleep."

I wanted to know the answers now. But I knew prodding him wouldn't do any good. I just sighed and agreed, snuggling closer to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"You know you're the best thing that has ever happened to me," James suddenly whispered in my ear. My body went stiff as all my blood rushed up to my face.

"So are you," I croaked out. James chuckled at my awkwardness, kissing my hair. The next words out of his mouth are ones I would never forget. It is those words which every time I hear them I am brought back to this moment, to these feelings. It all became clear. I could feel his breath on my hair as he spoke, his heart quickening under my touch. In the safety of his arms, my savior spoke the words I've been wanting to hear all my life.

"I love you."


	19. Answers & Rain

**Hey guys! So sorry it took me this long to update! I got really sick and didn't do anything for, like, two weeks, then my computer broke so I haven't had that for a week. But its temporally fixed and I can update. Hope you like it! **

**~XOXOXBecca**

* * *

"She's gone."

I removed the blanket that was thrown on me, hiding me from whoever would have seen me. I blinked up at James and moved my hair from my face. He was watching me and smiling, clearly finding it amusing. I rolled my eyes and took his outstretched hand, hopping to my feet as James yanked me up.

"Thanks," I said as I fixed my shirt, which was rumpled and wrinkled from being slept in.

"Nuh uh uh, not so fast," James said, stopping me from walking past him. He grabbed my waist and spun me around so I was facing him. I sighed. "You know the price to pay for me helping you."

"You would have gotten in much more trouble than me if your mom caught me here and found out you had snuck me inside the house last night while she was sleeping," I retorted. James snorted and rolled his eyes. Mine soon followed pursuit as I knew he wasn't going to let me go. I stood on my tip toes and pressed my lips to James', too soon my heels sat back on the floor and I stared back up at him.

"Thank you," James said, releasing me. He walked over to the bed and sat down, I soon following and taking the spot next to him. "So what do you want to do today?"

I shrugged and looked outside. The sun didn't shine for it was stuck and covered behind the thick grey blanket. It was dark and looked like it was going to rain any second.

"Well we can't do much outside since it's going to rain," I noted, biting my lower lip. "So maybe you can answer some questions?"

James raised his eyebrows at me. "Alright then. What do you want to ask about?"

"Last night," I blurted, a blush creeping to my cheeks. I wasn't sure that was the greatest idea to have just blurt it out. It was too soon but I needed answers.

James nodded, waiting for me to proceed. "How- how did you now Phil was attacking me last night?" I stammered.

James sighed. "If what your asking is how did I know he was attacking and decided to show up and save you, is that I didn't." I raised my eyebrow at this, a trick Kendall taught me over winter break.

"Then what were you doing at my house?" I asked, intrigued now. It was a mystery of how James knew I was being attacked. It was a greater mystery to why he was at my house in the first place.

"I came to apologize," James blurted out. His cheeks flushed a light red and he sighed defeated. "After you left, I went inside and my mom started yelling at me. She was going on and on about how she knew you were the wrong girl for me and stuff. Even though I wasn't happy about what had happened, I defiantly wasn't choosing my mom's side. I knew I needed you."

James paused so I could take this in. When I was pretty sure I was following along, I nodded and he continued.

"I couldn't go on without knowing for sure it was over. I knew you were probably home, so I went there." James hesitated before saying the next part, and I knew I was going to get my answer. "When I got to your house something felt I knocked and you didn't answer, I knew something was wrong. Then I heard you screaming and I heard a lot of noise and I knew i needed to get in and help you."

"So you busted the door in?" I finished, he nodded.

"I saw him. . . " James trailed off and swallowed. "I was so infuriated by what he was doing that I didn't think, I acted. I tried all I could to get him off of you."

"But you did."

"Yeah," James ran a hand though his hair. "I knocked him out cold. God Remy I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"It's not your fault," I admitted.

"Yeah it is," James said, getting up and pacing in front of me. "If I hadn't invited you over you wouldn't have ran home."

"And I would have been home anyways and given him more time to plan and act," I added. "And you wouldn't have been able to save me."

James sighed. "You're right."

"Look James, stop beating yourself up, okay?" I stood up and walked over to him. I prided his hands from their place behind his head and folded them into mine. He stared off at the floor, not meeting my eyes. "James, I'm here, safe and sound. That's all that matters."

His eyes met mine and held my gaze for a long time. His eyes traveled down to my neck where his fingers traced a C on my neck. I knew that was where Phil's hand had grabbed my throat and choked me. The tenderness of the skin under his touch I knew there was a bruise there, I just didn't know how ugly. I dropped my head into James' chest, sighing in content at the sound of his heart beat. James' arms wrapped around my body and hugged me closer to him. We stayed that way for a while before James asked if I wanted to take a shower.

"Yeah," I said, reluctantly pulling away from him.

"Isn't your mom working?" James asked me as I followed him down the stairs.

"Yeah," I said automatically. Thank God. I couldn't face her after what she would have came home to last night, especially with me gone. I wonder what Phil told her. Probably not the truth, which is fine by me. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell her about the scene she walked home to or the bruises on my body. Even after the hell he gave me, i didn't want to ruin her relationship with Phil. He made her happy. Even if he treated me like crap, he treats her well, and I don't want to be the one to take her happiness away.

The dark grey clouds and light rumbling of thunder indicated it was going to be a rainy day. Rain drops started pattering on our skin so me and James took off towards my house. By the time we reached the porch and was protected by the awning over head, we were completely soaked and laughing like baboons.

"So much for not getting rained on," I said. I turned around to open the door, the cold metal key pressed in my palm. I heard the lock click open and was about to push the door open when James stopped me. Grabbing my wrists, he pulled me away from the door and towards the walkway back into the rain.

"No James!" I squealed, stop walking and trying to stop him from bringing me back into the rain. But he was persistent and determined and pried me off of my porch back into the pouring. "James! Are you insane!" apparently he was quite insane as he lead me down the path to the sidewalk. Just as I was about to break the connect, James released my hands. Before I could take off to the house, James had his arms wrapped around my waist and his lips pressed to mine.

Kissing in the rain really is as sexy as it seems on TV. There's nothing like it. Goosebumps rose up on both my arms and legs, and not just because I was standing in the middle of a cold downpour. The only warmness was caused by James' touch on my skin. His hands on my waist as he pulled me closer. I melted like butter into him, completely crumbling in his touch. Love seemed to make you weak, but it was stronger than anything.

James pulled away reluctantly first, sad to break the moment as much as I was that it had to end. His lips pulled back into the biggest smile I have ever seen him muster. His hands moved from my waist to my face as he pulled a soaked strand of hair away from my face.

"Come on," he said grabbing my hand. "Let's get inside."

* * *

I showered and changed and me and James spent the whole day vegging out on the couch. The rain continued to spill from the clouds above outside, some thunder joining in on the chorus. I snuggled up to my still damp boyfriend on the couch as he snuggled into a towel draped around his shoulders. We watched movie after movie until the sky behind the blanket of clouds matched the color of the storm as the sun went down. I hadn't realized the time until my phone buzzed to life on it's place on the coffee table. I jumped quickly and grabbed it, pressing the answer button.

"Hello?" I asked into the receiver. The event startled me too much that I forgot to check the ID.

"Remy, it's me. Hi," I sighed as I heard my mother's voice come over.

"Hi mom," I said, not stopping the smile creeping across my face. James looked over at me, furrowing his eyebrows together. I mouthed "my mom" at him. He made an O with his mouth and crept closer to me.

"Hey sorry to bother you with whatever you're doing but I'm just letting you know that I'm leaving work now and Phil is coming over for dinner tonight."

My face went pale and I almost dropped the phone. Oh no. I wasn't ready to face Phil again, I didn't know I could. Plus how could I explain anything that Phil says or doesn't say to my mom? What happens if she leaves again and Phil shoots again? I couldn't do it, I couldn't bear it.

James noticed my reaction and immediately was at my side. He leaned in so that his ear was pressed on the other side of my phone, listening in on the conversation as my mom went on.

"He should be there soon, oh! Maybe even before me! Are you home? Could you let him in? Do you have plans tonight?" Her words were one big jumble as she spoke. James pulled away and caught my attention. He motioned with his hands and mouthed words as I tried to follow along. I answered my mom with the clues James gave me.

"Actually mom I'm at Kendall's right now," I spoke into the phone, trying my best to sound causal.

"Oh, that's okay then," she said. "Will you be home for dinner?"

I looked at James for an answer. His hands went frantic and I translated his motions to words for my mom.

"No, I won't," I said, nodding at James as he motioned if I understood his request. "I hope that's okay, but the guys have a special meal planned for us."

"Oh," I swear my mother sounded disappointed. "Well that's fine. Have fun."

"Okay mom I will," I said, trying to sound cheerful. "I love you, bye."

"Love you too, bye," My mom said. The phone went dead.

I released a breath as I tossed my phone on the couch next to me.

"Phil's on his way here now?" James said.

"Yup."

Our eyes went wide at exactly the same time. "We gotta go!"

We both jumped up and ran frantically around trying to cover up any evidence of us being there recently. I grabbed my phone from the couch and my shoes and took off out of the house, James following. James stopped to lock the door behind us, slamming it shut as I ran down the pathway to the sidewalk. I took that time to slip on my shoes, James doing the same after he met up with me.

"What's the quickest way to Kendall's without running into Phil or your mom?" James asked as he hopped on one foot, trying to put his shoe on.

"I don't know," I said looking frantically around. "Times Street!"

Me and James took off down the sidewalk towards Times Street. We were almost there when James stopped and said: "isn't that your moms car?" And correct he was. Coming straight towards us about thirty yards away was my moms car.

"Crap!" I yelled through the pouring rain. "In here!" I grabbed James' arm and pulled him into a clump of bushes on the corner. We waited until my moms car passed until we stood up.

"Sorry for that," I said as I helped brush leaves off of James. James helped remove some leaves from me before we hurriedly skidded away from the bushes and down towards Kendall's. My lungs began to ache about a mile away from his house, but images from the previous night flashed in my mind and pushed me forward.

The Knight's front porch light shone like a star from Heaven as we reached the street. The curtains to the dining room were drawn shut, but light illuminated from behind them. Me and James dashed up the porch steps and rang the door bell.

As we waited for a Knight to answer, we stopped and tried to catch our breath. I gasped for air, willing for it to fill my burning lungs. My legs ached and I felt like I was going to collapse. All I wanted was to go to sleep.

Not soon enough, the door opened and Kendall appeared with Katie at his side.

"What happened to you two?" Kendall asked, sharing a look with his sister.

"Long story," I breathed out.

"But first," James gasped. "We need your help."


	20. Help From a Friend

After telling Kendall why we ran all the way to his house, he finally let us in and allowed us to dry off. I would have been somewhat fine sitting on the couch in the Knights living room by the roaring fire with a towel draped over me. But Mrs. Knight did not except that. When she came in to the who their guests were and got the sight of us, she yelled at Kendall and made us change into dry clothes. Kendall let James borrow some of his clothes while his clothes dried in the Knights dryer. As for me, I was left with nothing but to squeeze into Katie's jeans and a cami and over sized sweatshirt Mrs. Knight had for when she was pregnant with Kendall who apparently was a big baby, as she told me.

While we were changing, Kendall got on the phone without another question as to why we needed this to happen, and moments later had Logan and Carlos at the house. The guys prepared a simple meal of oatmeal, it was the only thing they could make. I was fine by that. I was rolling with whatever kept me away from Phil and my mom. I started wondering if I should have stayed and told my mom everything. But I knew I couldn't do that. I gave her enough trouble having to have her raise me all by herself. I was the one thing keeping her back all these years, I needed to allow her to spread her wings and be happy for once.

After our oatmeal dinner, Carlos and Logan quickly scurried off since they were in the middle of something when Kendall called for an emergency meet up. James sat in the other room watching Spongbob while I was getting ready to head home.

I was walking into the kitchen to get my hot cocoa mug when Kendall pulled me aside.

"Remy," Kendall spoke softly, yet firm. "I know it's not any of my business, but I really need to know. Why did you need us to make you dinner?"

I was scared. I was scared of Phil. I ws scared of my mom finding out. I was afraid of what might happen. I didn't like being in the spotlight or having all the attention on me. It was out of fear that I snapped at Kendall.

"You're right," I said shaking out of his grip. "It isn't any of your business."

"Remy," Kendall sighed, stopping me from leaving the conversation. I sighed, letting him know I wasnt in the mood and crossed my arms. "If there's something going on, I-" he looked me in the eyes. "I need to know." His eyes moved downward, landing on the bruise of my neck. I shrugged, attempting to hide it with no luck. "Remy please. I want to help."

I couldn't push them away anymore. I had to accept that I had real friends now. Ones who have my back always, and for once I was positive of it. My whole life I denied everything anyones every said, pushed away anyone willing to come in. I haven't trusted anyone since my dad left, and I didn't know I could trust anyone ever again. until now.

I would tell Kendall. He was standing there, willing to help. No, wanting to help me. But I knew if I were to tell him he would go to my mom and everything would crumble down, including my moms happiness. I just sighed.

"Okay," I said. "If I need anything, I'll make sure to call you."

Kendall was reluctant to top the conversation there, but gave up and allowed me to go.

* * *

"Mom I'm home!" I called as I entered the house that evening. I could smell coffee brewing in the kitchen and hear my mom knocking pans.

"Oh Remy dear!" My mom said popping out of the kitchen. "I'm so glad your home! Theres someone I want you to meet."

It happened all so fast. One minute I was about to drop my back pack on the floor, the second my heart did instead. My mom dragged me into the living room where Phil was lounging out on the couch. I knew he had come over for dinner with my mom, I just figured he had left. I never gave it the second thought that he still may be there.

"Remy I would like you to meet the man who stole my heart," My mom said, beaming. "Phil this is my daughter Remy."

Phil stood up, shooting me a look as he stuck his hand out. "It's so nice to finally meet you Remy. Your mom has told me a lot about you."

My heart raced in my chest as I stared down at his hand. I looked up at my mom. She stood there, beaming down on us like it was the happiest moment of her life. And maybe it was. Maybe she thought finally merging two worlds together and finally making one big happy home was the greatest thing ever. If she only knew.

I couldn't ruin it for her, I just couldn't. No matter how much pain this man had brought me within only an hour, my mothers smile made me grab his hand and say," its nice to meet you too."

My mom never looked happier. "Now how about I go get us all some coffee? I made a cake today!"

"That sounds wonderful Patricia," Phil said, smiling. I felt nauseous.

Just because my mom was happy, didn't mean I couldn't be either.

"Actually mom, I've got a lot of homework to do," I said. Before she could turn around and I could see her disappointed expression, I dashed out of there and up to my room.

In my safe haven for now, I began crying. I was confused, and angry, and scared. I had no idea what to do. I would call James, but he was just as scarred as I was and facing his own problems from last night. I didn't want to add anymore on. All he needed was another excuse to bust Phil's face in. And that seemed only a little comforting.

I paced back and forth, pondering what to do. My mind flashed back to the razor I had thrown in the trash a few months ago. I had more like it. I shook the thought from my head and sighed. I looked out my window just as someone knocked on my door.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and opened it slowly. My moms face appeared.

"Hey Remy," she said.

"Hi mom," I sighed in relief, opening the door wider.

"I know you said you were busy, but we were just going to play a board game and wanted to know if you would like to join us?" My mom said. Hope filled her voice and expression. She really wanted me to spend some quality time with Phil. Even though I wanted her happy, I couldn't do it.

"Like you said, I'm busy. Sorry," I said.

"Thats okay," my mom said, forcing a smile.

I shot her an expression of apology as I slowly closed the door. I did not want to spend the rest of my night stuck down there with Phil and mom playing a board game. Plus all of our board games were in the attic. It would take my mom forever to find them. . .

Oh no.

I quickly got up and locked my door. I heard the attic door shut from across the hall and bolted across the room. By the time my mom found a board game, Phil could be finished with me, again.

Adrenaline shot through me as I quickly scrambled for an answer to an escape. I couldn't tell if I heard footfalls coming up the stairs or if it was my heart thudding in my ears. That was when the thought popped in my head. It was better than any alternative or outcome. I needed someone now.

I grabbed my phone and darted into my closet, shutting the doors inclosing myself into darkness. I walked to the very back corner and sat down. I pressed a button on my phone, the key board lighting up as I dialed the number and pressed the phone to my ear, praying he would answer.

"Hello?" His voice came over the receiver. I sighed the biggest breath of relief.

"Kendall," I said.

"Remy?" Kendall asked. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

I started crying, but knew I couldn't. I needed Kendall's help, and the only way I was going to get it was if I could tell him clearly.

I took a deep breath and controlled my sobs. "You know when i said if I need you I would call you?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I need you. Now."

"Remy is everything alright?" Kendall sounded alarmed. I could hear the jangling of his car keys as he grabbed them off the hook in his kitchen.

"At the moment," I responded. "Hey Ken?"

"Yeah?" Kendall asked.

"Could you please not drive to my house."

"Then what do you want me to do?" He asked as the sound of the front door slamming in the background ring through the receiver. "Do you not want me to come over?"

"No! Well not necessarily," I sighed. "Could you park a few houses down?"

* * *

Kendall stood under a street lamp a few houses down from mine. From there we walked to the park in silence, not speaking a word. We reached the pond where I had met them that first day, the night they saved me. We stopped and sat down on a bench near the pond.

"So are you going to tell me whats going on, Remy?" Kendall asked. He said it protectively with a hint of impatience as he wondered when he was going to figure what was going on with me.

So I launched into the story of the previous night. I explained the dinner with James very lightly but got into heavier details once i got to the part about when I got home. I explained to him my contradicting feelings about telling my mom and the constant worry Phil was going to try again. When I was finished, Kendall was silent for a few seconds as he took it in.

He sighed. "Remy your going to have to tell her."

"But-" I began to protest. Kendall stopped me.

"This is serious Remy!" His voice rising. "This man tried to rape you then almost killed you!"

"I know," I murmured.

Kendall sighed. "Look, I know you don't want to tell her, and it's a very good reason. But also a very bad decision. Your very selfless Remy. But to get around in this world, you've got to be selfish sometimes."

"What do I do Kendall?" I asked looking up at him. He shook his head lightly.

"I don't know Remy." He whispered.

"Kendall," I asked, choking back a sob. " Can you promise me you won't tell anyone? Not until i'm ready?"

Kendall heaved a breath. He hesitated before answering, "I won't tell anyone unless it happens again. But until then, yes I promise not to tell anyone."

"Thanks Kendall," I said giving him a side hug.

"You're welcome Remy," he said.


	21. Avoiding Phil

For the next few days I avoided Phil as much as possible, which was getting hard since he was at my house every day. Not only do I live in constant fear while up in my room that he will come after me again while my mom steps out for a few minutes, but whenever she's around she's always trying to get us together to do bonding activities. I hate disappointing her like this and making it seem like im avoiding her, but its for my own good, and hers. I can't bare lying to her every second about him. It makes my chest ache.

I told James about what happened with Kendall. I didn't know how he would react about that touchy event being shared with his best friend. He didn't take it too hard, but more personally that I called Kendall and not him.

"Why didn't you call me?" James asked during lunch one day. We were sitting alone on the steps, suppose to be in the cafeteria getting something to eat before next period. But I took advantage of that time to talk to James.

I released a breath. "I don't know. I guess because you were handling stress of your own from what happened, I didn't want to add mine on top of that. I just didn't want you worrying about me."

"I worry about you everyday," James said. "I'm here for you."

I looked up at him and we stared into each others eyes for a moment. "Thank you James."

"I'll do anything for you Remy, remember that," he said before wrapping me in a hug.

After that conversation, Kendall agreed that we will keep this event between the three of us. That mostly said because if we told the others, Logan will one, go straight to my mom, his mom, or the authorities. Either way my mom will find out, be heartbroken, and there will be no stopping Logan at that point. And come on, let's face it, Carlos can't keep a secret. So he would either tell his mom, my mom, his dad, or Logan, which will still lead to everything falling down.

So each day whenever my mom leaves and goes to where she will be gone a few minutes, I quickly call either James or Kendall in case Phil comes at me. By now I memorized Kendall and James' numbers as if they were 911. Which is some ways they kinda are to me.

What's got me worried though is that the weekend is coming up, in less then forty-eight hours, and most of the families have plans this weekend, except mine. I was a big ball of stress on Thursday, being too tense. Logan caught on quickly at lunch.

"Remy are you okay?" Logan asked furrowing his eyebrows. "You look a bit tense."

Me, James, and Kendall shared a look basically agreeing to stay cool and lie, and to get Logan off of the subject.

"Uh, yeah," I said quickly. "I'm just stressed, you know, but History test on Monday."

"Oh!" Logan said perking up. I could feel James loosen up besides me. "Well if you need help studying, I'm free."

I perked up a bit. "Yeah that would be great! How about this weekend?"

Logan's face fell. "Ooh. Yeah, about that, this weekends no good. My moms taking me to the Future Doctors of The World convention. Sorry."

My face fell. "It's okay. I hope you have fun at the convention Logan."

Kendall quickly changed the subject after that.

There was no way I could make plans to stay out of the house this weekend. Everyone was busy. The Knight's were going to the Great Lakes this weekend, James and Brooke were going to a party Saturday night and the Garcia's had family bowling night. Which I was welcome to join, but I was warned that it was very dangerous. But I just may be reconsidering.


	22. Second Attempt

**I'm just gonna let this one float for a little while ;)**

* * *

Friday afternoon, I dropped my backpack in front of the stairs after school that day and went to get some orange juice. As I took a sip of my drink, I read the note on the counter from my mom that said.

**_Will be home early today. Phil's coming over for dinner, and I expect you to be here._**

**_Love you always_**

**_Mom_**

I sighed and dropped the note on the table. There was no getting out of it. And I had a sick feeling that he was going to try again tonight.

I tried calling the guys, but no one picked up. I sighed, defeated, and cracked open one of my text books. I heard when my mom came home, then when Phil arrived. I kept on reading textbook after textbook until all my homework sat completed on a pile on my desk next to me.

My back was cramping up from spending hours straight hunched over my desk. I couldn't stall any longer, I knew my mom was about to come up and drag me down there herself. I needed to get this over with. The sooner im down there, the sooner I could leave and be back up here behind a closed door.

I got up and reluctantly made my way downstairs. My mom was in the dining room placing a steaming bowl of Brussel sprouts in the middle of the table. Phil sat at the end, offering a completely fake welcoming grin.

"Well hello Remy," he said. "It's nice to see you again."

"You too," I muttered as I sat at a chair farthest away from him without being directly in front of him.

My mom hustled in with the last bowl and sat down.

"Well enough with bustling, lets eat!" She said taking a seat.

Phil and mom spent most of the meal talking amongst themselves, completely forgetting about me. And trust me, I was more than happy with that arrangement. I watched the hour hand tick by, waiting for the right moment to make my exit without raising my moms flags. I have to wait at least after dinner, then help her clear the table and clean the kitchen, then have dessert, clean that up, then make a little chit-chat with her while she finishes her coffee,then I can properly make my escape by blaming it on exhaustion.

As I helped my mom clear the table, I knew even after I went up to bed, I couldn't stay in the house. A teenager sleeping in her bed alone while her mother excuses herself to use the bathroom is a great advantage to take for a creepy, perverted, pedophile. No way was I sleeping with that creep in my house. especially with the looks he gave me as I cleared the table.

I wanted to run. I wanted to cry. I wanted to be wrapped in James' arms and held close to his chest, knowing I was safe. Or to be sitting with Kendall, him soothing and easing my stress away. I would even hang out with Carlos, his jokes and pranks and plain stupid actions would make me laugh and bring me comfort. I would give anything to sit there with Logan as he drones on and on about God knows what. I would do anything to be anywhere but here with anyone but Phil.

As we cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen, I stayed glued to my mom's side, never leaving it. He wouldn't dare attack me with my mom around. Would he? No, he needed me alone. If he tried attacking both of us, there was more than enough of a good chance that one of us would get away and get help. No, he needed the weakest one, the vulnerable one. Me.

"Oops," I said composing myself after bumping into my mom. "Sorry mom!"

"It's okay honey," my mother assured as she placed the coffee cake safely on the table.

Once in the kitchen, me by her side, my mother spoke.

"Are you okay Remy?" She asked, looking concerned.

"Of course!" I said as if it were obvious. I didn't want to alarm her. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. You just seem a bit. . . . clingy tonight."

"Well I love you. I miss hanging out with you," I said. I wasn't necessarily lying, because it was true. I did miss hanging out with my mom, and I loved her to death. Which is why I used it as an excuse instead of telling her the truth.

"Aw honey I love you too. And I always like hanging out with my girl," she said giving me a smile. I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach. I hated lying to her, even though it was for her own good.

Me and my mom sat at the table with our cups off coffee with Phil.

"So Remy's how's school going?" My mom asked me.

"It's good," I said sipping my coffee, adverting my attention to her and not Phil. "I have all A's in my classes, including Yearbook."

"Oh honey that's fantastic!" My mother exclaimed. "Isn't it Phil?"

"Yeah that's really good," he said, shooting me a glance. I looked down and shivered.

"Well I'm just glad that having all those boys around haven't effected your grades," my mom said as she bit a piece of her cake. She didn't notice the clouded expression that crossed Phil's face at the sound of the boys. But I did.

"So what are they up to this weekend?" She asked after we discussed some of my classes, Phil stayed silent.

I was happy to be having a conversation with her that I forgot we weren't alone and blurted, "Having family fun." Oops.

"Oh really like what?" She asked.

"Well, Kendall, Mrs. Knight and Katie went to one of the Great Lakes. Carlos is having family bowling night. Logan's at a doctors convention. And James and his mother went to a party." That is when it hit me. I glanced at Phil who had a face of pure relief and happiness? Oh shit.

I swore I was about to throw up. oh no, what did I do.

I just admitted to the guy who attacked me that I was defenseless tonight. I wanted to die. I wanted to leave. I couldn't stay there.

"I'm really tired," i said, not hearing a word my mom said the whole time about what she thought of the boys and their fun night out with their families.

"Okay." My mom frowned. Her face lightened up like a light bulb clicked on in her head. "I have to run out to the store to get laundry detergent so I can wash my uniform for tomorrow. Phil, do you mind staying here to keep an eye on the house while Remy's sleeping?"

My face paled and I almost gagged. A smirk crept across Phil's face. "Well of course dear."

"Great!" My mom said and got up. I got up with her also.

"Hey mom can I come to the store with you?" I asked, hoping she would say yes. I couldn't be alone with Phil.

"I thought you said you were tired?" My mom said, giving me a side glance. "Besides you should be getting to sleep. It's almost midnight."

"But-" I began.

"No," my mother said. "If you're not tired you can have some bonding time with Phil." She raised an eyebrow.

I stared at her my mouth gaping open. "Behave, I love you," My mom said placing a kiss on my cheek before walking away and out the front door. I gulped. She was gone.

I turned around. He was there.

"Told you you shouldn't have ran," Phil said.

I turned and ran like hell to the stairs. I could feel Phil running behind me. I dashed up the stairs as fast as I could and into my room. I slammed the door in Phil's face and locked the door. It wasn't going to hold him for long.

I ran to my window where I banged on it trying to get my moms attention, but she was already up the road. Adrenaline pumped through my veins faster than ever. I had no time to waste. I grabbed my cell phone and called James, but with my luck I got his voice mail.

"James!" I sobbed into the phone. "He's here. He's trying again. Please help me!"

I hung up and called Kendall. The answering machine picked up, and after the beep I screamed, "KENDALL! HELP!" Before my bedroom door busted in and Phil stood in the doorway.


	23. The Escaper and The Battle

**Alright I decided I tortured you guys long enough lol thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing, yall's are so freaken beast! Love you guys! Enjoy (even though it's a little shorter then normal . )**

**~XOXOXBecca**

* * *

I lost control and started sobbing uncontrollably.

"STAY AWAY!" I yelled, backing up to my wall. Probably not my smartest move, but I needed distance between us. Phil advanced, stalking to me faster. I grabbed the nearest thing to me, the lamp on my side table, and in one quick motion I ran up and smashed it on his head. That made him pause to figure out what had happened. But it was just enough time for me to run past him and down the stairs.

He recovered too soon and grabbed my foot just as I was about to reach the front door. We tumbled down the stairs, rolling in a ball of limbs. My back slammed into the hard wood of the floor. Phil landed a few feet away, slamming into the wall. Through the aching pain in my back to the bile threatening to escape my throat, I got up and attempted to make a run for it. But Phil was too quick. He recovered more quickly and grabbed my ankle, pulling me down.

"LET ME GO!" I screamed, kicking and thrashing in his grip.

"Not this time sweetheart," he said standing up. He curled his hand around the back of Mrs. Knight sweatshirt and dragged me to my feet. Before I could fight back, he had me a few feet away from the staircase and threw me in the living room. I landed face first in the carpet, tears streaming down my cheeks.

I flipped over, attempting to get up. His foot connected with my side, flipping me over on my back. I cried out on pain. His hand flew over my mouth, covering my nose with it, enabling me to breathe. déjà vu washed over me as my body went rigged.

"Your friend isn't here to save you from me now," Phil said.

Tears streamed down my face as I realized it was true. I had no one. The last time I had thought I was alone, but I really wasn't. Everyone was home, except my mom that is. Now everyone's away, far away from home and me. This was it, this was the end.

My chest tightening, my lungs begged for air. I squirmed under his hold, which tightened under my mind flashed to the voice mails I left, praying that they got to them in time. I knew they wouldn't be here to save me, but hopefully they would be able to do something, like call the police. But as the seconds ticked by, my doubts deepened and I truly felt like this was it. There was no escape, no going back. I was alone.

I now regretted my decision on making the run for it when I had the chance before my mom left. But I was stupid, now I was going to pay the price.

"Now, where did we leave off?" Phil said. I cried under his hand, using the rest of my energy to try to break free. But he was too strong, it was no use. This was it. I was too preoccupied with regret and what was about to happen to notice the figure appearing behind us.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"


	24. My Savior?

**I decided I love you guys too much to keep you waiting too long for this chapter. I'm not that evil lol**

**Enjoy;)**

* * *

I couldn't see who it was through the tears drowning my vision, but I didn't need to. Seconds later Phil was pried off of me and falling to the floor after getting decked in the face. I gasped for air and sat up. I wiped the tears from my face as someone ran up and kneeled besides me.

"James?" I sniffled.

"It's okay, I'm here. You're okay," James whispered soothingly. He pushed a strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. "I'm here.

"Oh James!" I sobbed and threw my arms around him. James wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me tightly to him. James smoothed my hair, grabbing the back of my neck slowly as he tried hugging me closer to him.

He pulled away and looked me in the eyes, his hands cupping my face. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, managing a smile as I sniffled. "Now I am."

"Okay, okay. Good," James said, mainly to himself. "Now stay here. I need to show this jerk not to mess with my girlfriend."

"Okay," I huffed a laugh. James got up and went over to Phil, who was lying in a fatal position on the floor as Kendall and Carlos beat the crap out of him.

James said some words, making them step back so he could have his turn. Phil hesitated before looking up during this pause of beating him. This break didn't last long. James grabbed Phil by the collar of his shirt, lifting him halfway up, before punching him square in the face. Phil's head threw back to the side as blood sprayed from his nose and lip. And for a second I wanted to go over and join in.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked, appearing at my side as my boyfriend and two best friends finished giving Phil a lesson.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. I am now."

"Good," Logan smiled. He rubbed my back slowly, comforting me before James came over.

He stuck out his hand, his knuckles streaked with Phil's blood, and pulled me to my feet once I grasped it.

I placed my hands on his sides, bending my arms so I was leaning on his chest. James grabbed my arms near the elbow and we watched Carlos and Kendall finish beating Phil to a pulp.

"Okay, stop," Phil begged, starting to cry on the floor. Carlos and Kendall looked over at me, waiting for approval. I nodded and they backed away.

"That's what you get for messing with our girl," Carlos said.

"You don't fuck with us!" Kendall said.

Kendall and Carlos came to stand by as we watched as Phil tried to stand up. It was like watching a bug try to walk with only two good legs. It was almost hilarious. I would have started laughing if my mom hadn't appeared in the doorway that moment.

"What the hell is going on here?" she demanded, stepping into the living room.

Before we could speak, Phil was on his feet and started talking. "The kids. They-they ganged up on me for no reason! I was trying to bond with Remy-"

My mom held up her hand. "I'm going to stop you right there." She turned to us.

All four boys started talking at the exact same time, explaining their version of the story, my mom stopped them, and pointed at Kendall.

"Phil was attacking Remy," Kendall said.

"Yeah he was trying to do the nasty with her," Carlos added.

"It happened once before," James said.

"And James stopped him before anything happened," Logan chided in.

"Thats why Remy has a bruise on her neck!" Carlos exclaimed like solving the puzzle to a clue.

"He's wasn't only trying to rape her," Kendall started.

"He was beating her also while he attempted it," Logan said.

My mom stood there, trying to revolve her head around it. She closed her eyes and put out her hands to stop everyone from talking.

"Patricia," Phil began, stepping towards her. "I can explain."

"You can explain to me why you tried shacking up with my sixteen year old daughter while I was gone?" My mother yelled. "Explain to me why you thought It was okay to hit her while she tried to escape?"

"Trice-" Phil tried to say, but my mother was on a role.

"Know what, we're done. Now I want you get out of my fucking house and stay away from my daughter and her friends," My mother yelled, pointing to the front door behind her. "Now, if I find you are coming back around, I will use every one of my kitchen knives on you."

Phil's eyes flashed with anger as he staggered towards her. "Fine, I don't need you. That's what I get for dating a dirty maid."

"Hey that's my mother you're talking to!" I yelled. James grabbed my arms trying to hold me back.

"I know, but there's no difference," he shrugged. "You're both trash."

"Thats my daughter you're talking to!" My mother yelled. In a shocking moment, my mother caught everyone by surprise by punching Phil in the face. He staggered a few feet backwards, holding his nose.

"You little bitch!" He said, running towards my mom. I didn't want to see how this ended, so I didn't have to.

adrenaline makes you do some pretty crazy stuff. It makes you even not realize what you are doing until its done. Adrenaline is the reason why I ran towards him at that moment and socked him right in the face, knocking him to the ground.

As Phil laid there on the ground, we all stood too surprised and stricken to move. No one said a word until it all came rushing back to me of exactly what just happened and what was about to happen. I started bawling.

James ran up to me and wrapped me in a hug, whispering soothing words in my ear.

As everyone tried to process what had happened, the front door banged open and a bunch of men in uniforms, guns perched in the air, rushed in and started looking around.

"Hands up!" One demanded. "Police!"

James let go of me as we both threw our hands up along with everyone in the room, except for Phil and Carlos.

"Papi!" Carlos exclaimed, meeting up with his father.

"Son!" Ted Garcia said. "So tell me, which one of these men was trying to hurt the girl?"

"Him!" Carlos said, making a disgusted face as he pointed to bleeding, wounded Phil moaning on the floor.

Mr. Garcia turned around to his co-officers and said some words and pointed to Phil. Two police men put their guns in their holster's as they walked over to Phil and cuffed him. They dragged him to his feet and out the door.

Ted turned to us," Is everyone okay here?"

There was a chorus of 'yeah's' before the boys jumped in explaining how I punched him in the face and all the action that happened.

"Woah, woah, woah, okay. You guys can tell me later," Ted said. "Now I have to get back to work." He turned to Carlos. "Be home by 2."

"No problem Papi," Carlos said. The father and son bided their goodbyes and the police left.

"I'm glad that everyone's okay," Kendall said.

My mother turned to us as we began to leave. "Nuh-uh uh, not so fast." We all stopped and faced her. "Now I want to know why I hadn't known about this sooner."

We all looked at each other before sighing and taking a seat in the living room. This was going to be a long night.


	25. 2am Discussions

**Hey guys! So I just wanted to tell yall's thank you so much for everything. Yall's have been amazing with the reviews and following this story along! You don't know how much this means to me. I cry every time I get a review and when someone either follows or favorites! This experience would have been nothing if not for you guys. Thank you all for sticking by me and the story, it's been unbelievable and I couldn't ask for a better experience :)**

**Freaken love you guys!**

**Now enjoy the chapter lol**

**~XOXOXBecca X3**

* * *

My mom paced in front of us, switching between pinching the bridge of her nose and massaging her temples. We sat there in agonizing silence while she walked slowly in front of us, trying to collect her thoughts. Finally, she settled on pinching her nose and sat down on the chair in front of the couch me and the guys crowded on.

"Alright," my mother began, heaving a frustrated breath. "Which one of you decided to keep this from me?"

At once, all of the guys scooted as far away from me as they could on the crowded sofa and pointed their fingers at me.

"Remy," my mother began, zoning her attention on me. I was in the spotlight now, and I did not like it. "What on earth would make you think that keeping this from me was a good idea?"

"I-" I began but my mom stopped me.

"Do you know how serious this is? That man could have killed you!" The vein in my mothers forehead looked like it was about to burst. She leaned back and sighed. "Remy, why would you keep this from me?"

Everyone looked at me as they awaited my answer. I just sighed and decided to finally tell the truth.

"Because," I began. "Phil made you so happy! I've never seen you that happy since dad left. And I knew that if you found out what happened, you would dump Phil and not be happy anymore. So I thought that if I kept it from you, you would continue to be happy." I bent my head in shame. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"Oh Remy," my mother sighed. "Remy, Remy, Remy, Remy. Your protection is more important then my happiness!"

"I know that," I said. Tears started stinging at the corners of my eyes. "But I've cause you so much trouble while trying to raise me by yourself that now-" I stammered, searching for the right words. "I saw how happy you were. Then I remembered all those nights, all those times-." I dropped the sentence, letting the silence seep into the living room.

"Remy," My mom said softly as she stood up. I felt like I should stand up to. I heaved myself off of the couch as my mother spoke. "You are my entire world. Everything I've done after your father left hasn't been for me, it's been for you."

"Exactly," I whispered, tears escaping my eyes and streamed down my cheeks.

My mom took her thumb and wiped away a stray tear. "But Im your mother, and it's my job to take care of you, to put you before me. And I love every single part of it."

"I just wanted you to be happy for once," I said.

"I know honey, I know," My mom said, smoothing my hair behind my ear. "I appreciate you thinking about my happiness. But if something like this happens again, you have to tell me. Wither I will be happy or not. Promise?"

I nodded, "I promise."

Me and my mom wrapped each other into a hug. I relaxed and cried into her shoulder releasing all the frustration, anger, sadness, and stress through my tears. I was safe, my mom was safe. I was happy.

"I'm always happy when im with my girl," my mom said into my ear, making me cry harder.

"Awwww!" Carlos cooed behind us. "Such a sweet moment! Ow!" Carlos rubbed his shoulder where Kendall had smacked him. I chuckled in my moms shoulder.

* * *

The hands on the clock ticked down the early morning hours. My mom was up in bed, having to have a very stressful night. I was asked to go to bed, but declined. I was tired, oh yeah, having to have the most stressful night of all. But right now the only thing I wanted was to be with my boyfriend. Even if that meant having his best friends along with.

We walked down the dark Minnesota streets, street lamps guiding our way through the night. We had dropped Carlos off at his house five minutes after two, having to give a quick explanation to Mrs. Garcia as to why her son was five minutes late. I couldn't tell if he was going to be grounded or not for it, but at least we didn't hear her yelling.

Me, James, Kendall, and Logan snuck into the park. Security patrolled the area, making it a bit difficult to sneak in. But we manged.

The area where the lake sat is wide open and is a great spot to go in the middle of the night. . . . . . . . if you wanted to get caught. So me, Kendall, James, and Logan snuck to the playground and hung around the equipment. The playground is in the heart of the park, surrounded by tree's and, fortunately, tree's. Cedar made trails branched off into the thicket to go to different areas of the park, which are more wide open and have concrete trails and pathways. Me and the guys cut across the wood chip bed where the equipment laid and hopped up on the jungle gym. Kendall and James raced tot he top, trying to see who would become "King of The Jungle", which turned out to be Kendall. Me and Logan climbed up as high as Kendall would allow us and sat down on the bars. James came and plopped down next to me.

"How did you guys know I was in trouble?" I asked them after some time of goofing around. My feet dangled off the twisting metal.

"Well for one," Kendall said. "I got your voicemail."

I kind of figured, but there was still more to the story. And It was eating me inside to know the answer.

"I kind of guessed that," I said. "But none of you guys were home. You all went out with your families. You were nowhere near." I trialed off as the guys exchanged looks. "How did you guys get to my house so fast?"

"Well," Kendall trailed off. They all looked at each other, daring one other to answer.

"Look," Logan said. I had a feeling I wasn't going to be very happy with how this happened. "James and Kendall were worried about you, so Kendall agreed to stay home."

"Really?" I said looking at Kendall who nodded.

"I told my mom I wasn't feeling very good. So she agreed to allow me to stay home while she and Katie went to the lake," Kendall said.

"And I made sure that the hostess had a little "accident" so me and my mom could leave early," James said.

I felt tears threatening to escape. "You guys are too amazing! Thank you! I don't know how I could ever repay you."

Well, you know how to repay me," James said and I laughed.

"Later,"I said, nudging him with my elbow. "So what happened after you got my voicemail?"

Kendall sighed, and James spoke. "Well me and my mom were on our way home when I got your message and immediately called Kendall. He said he got the same thing. So I hurried home and dropped my mom off."

"I had Carlos and Logan meet me at my house while James was on his way," Kendall said. "And explained to them what was happening."

"James called to say he was on the way," Logan said.

"I had Carlos call Mr. Garcia and tell them we needed police," Kendall said.

"And I called your mom," James said. "Hoping that at least someone will get there in time."

"I just wasn't expecting it to be us," Logan said.

"I know right?" The two boys chorused.

"The authority in this town is really bad," Kendall said in disbelief.

"You guys are awesome,"I said, side hugging James.

"We should go," Logan said. "Remy needs to get some sleep. Too much stress and not enough rest is very bad for your health."

"Okay Doctor Logan," James said rolling his eyes.

Kendall attempted to jump down as we begin to leave, but wound up falling flat on his face. James and Logan climbed down and James helped me down. Together, all four of us began walking back to my place to drop me safely at home and to get their cars. I just couldn't wait to get to sleep and let this night end.


	26. Spring Cleaning

Since that dreaded night ended, everyone relaxed. Since me James, and Kendall walked on egg shells to keep my mom from knowing, it had stressed us out a lot. Our tension had rubbed off on everyone else, making them edgy also. I was just glad that it was over. I was happy that my mom knew, I hated lying to her. Plus I was much happier now knowing that I wouldn't have to worry about him any more.

The following week my mom had a strict restraining order put on Phil for the both of us and even the boys families. Not only were we protected, but he couldn't harm the boys or their families to get to us. And that took alot of stress off of me.

I was happy that my relationship got through this. Usually when something big happens that involves you asking your significant other to lie for you, the relationship usually doesn't last long. Arguments spark, tension is filled up to the brim. Yeah I've read too many romance novels. But me and James had managed to stay strong this whole time. I actually think it made us stronger. I was for once completely happy.

With dreary February done, I was all set to hop into March, which meant spring cleaning.

My mom was for once off on a Saturday. So she made sure I didn't make any plans and schedule a full on house cleaning. Trust me, I was not very happy about this. But I got to spend the whole day with my mom. Even though we were cleaning, I still got to hang out with her. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

And it wasn't. On that Saturday, my mom made chocolate chip pancakes for us and we both sat at the kitchen table together. It felt like forever since I was able to sit and eat with my mom for breakfast. Since she quiet her second job, she's had to go in earlier each morning to make up for lost hours. She was gone before I even woke up.

Since the kitchen was the dirtiest after being cooking in it, we started in that room first. I turned on some music and me and my mom got to scrubbing. We got most of the downstairs cleaned before we were hungry enough for Lunch. Okay more like starving. My mom whipped up some quick sandwiches then we were back to work.

By evening my arms, legs, and whole body were sore from spending the whole day scrubbing and cleaning. I wiped my forearm across my forehead, getting rid of some sweat that had formed as I wiped down the counter in the bathroom. I worked up stairs while my mom finished downstairs. We were halfway done with upstairs when my mom remembered we forgot the laundry room downstairs. So while I did as much as I could upstairs my mom ran down to do the last room.

The doorbell rang and I took this as an opportunity for me to have a break. I dropped my sponge in the sink and dashed downstairs.

"I got it!" I called as I hopped down to the floor and unlocked the door. I pulled it open to see Kendall standing there.

"Hey Remy," Kendall said, a bicycle helmet tucked under his arm.

"Oh, Kendall hey," I said offering him a smile. "What are you doing here? I told you I couldn't hang out today."

Kendall shrugged. "We thought you could use a break."

I turned and glanced at the room behind me where my mom sat on the floor scrubbing. I turned back to Kendall. "Sorry, I'm just too busy-"

"Use force if we have to!" James said behind Kendall. I peered over his shoulder and saw James riding up and down the road in front of my house on his bike, waiting for Kendall and apparently me.

Kendall turned back to me and shrugged. "I don't want to have to do it."

"Kendall-" I begged, but I was already being swept off my feet.

"Whoa!" I yelled as Kendall threw me around his shoulders so I was almost wrapped around his neck like a boa constrictor. "Kendall put me down!"

"Sorry but you need a break," Kendall said walking down the stairs. James dropped his bike next to Kendall's on the sidewalk and came to fetch me. Kendall unwrapped me from his back and handed me off to James. I pouted as Kendall bounded up the porch and shut the door before calling to my mom.

"We'll have her home by eleven," He said, earning a response of "Okay have fun!" from my mom, telling me that she was in on this. I wanted to shake my head but i was too busy pouting.

"You guys are jerks," I said as James tried to tickle me to cheer me up. I shied away from his touch, too angry with them to give into a fit of forced giggles.

"Oh lighten up Remy," Kendall said hopping on his bike.

"Yeah," James said. "Its a beautiful day and you shouldn't be stuck in side doing chores."

I rolled my eyes. "Can I at least change?"

As the words left my mouth Kendall already had a duffel bag airborne. It landed in my arms and I grabbed it, trying to steady myself. "Already figured out," Kendall said. "Come on, you can change at Logan's."

"But how am I supposed to get there?" I asked. "You all are on bikes."

James patted the handle bars on his bike and my eyes widened. "Oh no. No way."

"Come on Remy," James groaned. Kendall was almost at the corner of the street when he turned back, riding back and forth waiting for us. "Can you just live a little for once?"

I crossed my arms and continued to pout but decided there was no chance. I had wanted to hang out with the guys today like always, but I was happy being with my mom too. In this case I got the best of both worlds. I sighed.

"Don't worry I wont let anything happen to you." James said flashing me a toothy grin. I handed James the duffel bag, which he threw across his body, and hopped on the handle bars. The bike wobbled and I started to panic, but James steadied it quickly. My heart raced as James started going, my hands sliding on top of his on the handle bars and putting them in a death grip with my own.

As James rode the streets twisting and turning down each corner as we followed Kendall, I became more confident that I wouldn't fall and relaxed a little. After you get through the anxiety of it, it's actually quite fun. I closed my eyes as the wind blew in my face and blew my hair back. Behind me, James was not sitting on the bicycles seat, but standing up to gain more speed to catch up with Kendall. Not sitting down has allowed him to keep up with the extra weight. His chin rested on my shoulder as we rode down the streets where trees were gaining their leaves and flowers back.

"You okay?" James asked over the roaring of the wind in my ears.

"This is awesome!" I giggled.

"Told you I wouldn't let anything happen," James said in an I-Told-You-So tone. I scowled, but since James was behind me he couldn't see my expression I burst into a fit of giggles instead.

We pulled up at Logan's house moments later. James stopped and steadied the bike as I carefully got down from the handle bars. Once down, James swung his leg over and dropped the bike on the grass of the Mitchell's front lawn. At our arrival, Logan came to greet us with Carlos bounding out of the house from behind him.

"It's about time you guys got here," Carlos shouted as he met us on the lawn.

"Yeah Carlos was about to eat of all the corndogs," Logan said.

"Well we had to get Remy out of the house," Kendall said.

"Yeah it wasn't easy," James said. I smacked his arm and he looked at me, shooting me a warning look. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Well come inside," Logan said and we started walking towards his house. "Remy you can clean up inside."

"Okay" I said and followed the guys inside the Mitchell's home. James slipped his hand into mine and squeezed it.

Inside, Logan showed me to the upstairs bathroom and gave me a towel. He told me that him and the guys will be downstairs and to just come down and meet them when I was done. I thanked him and shut the bathroom door.

When I got out of the shower I noticed something was wrong. I didn't have any clothes. I had thrown my dirty ones out the door for Mrs. Mitchell, who insisted she wash them for me, to clean while I was in the shower. And James never handed me the duffel bag, which contained who knows what, but handed it to Logan. Oh no.

My best bet to get any clothes would be Logan's room, which was two doors down the hall. All the guys were downstairs and wouldn't be coming up, so I was good. Even if the duffel bag wasn't' in there, I could easily slip into Logan's clothes just long enough to sneak downstairs and grab the bag.

I wrapped the towel around myself, bunching the ends together tightly and gave myself a 360 in the mirror, making sure I was covered just in case. I took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. I looked both ways before slipping out and shutting the door. I quickly hurried to Logan's room and shut the door. Sighing in relief, I searched around his room which was mostly cluttered with science projects and college applications and brochures covering his walls. I spotted the bag on his bed and went over. I opened it to spot multiply articles of clothing neatly folded in the bag, giving me a variety of things to choose from. The first thing I did was grab a bra and underwear from the top of the stack, blushing at the thought of the boys packing this. The clothes still had tags on them so I knew they had just bought them. I sighed at the thought and quickly slipped them on. Not completely naked, I allowed the towel to drop and pawed through the bag, looking for something to wear. While in my searching I hadn't noticed the door opening until I heard them speak.

"Remy?" Logan said. I quickly turned and both of us realized what was going on at the same time.

"Oh my God!" I squealed just as Logan said "oh God!" and I quickly moved to cover as much as I could, even though I wasn't naked, I was still embarrassed. Logan covered his eyes, acting as if they were burning in their sockets and went to leave. deprived from his sight, Logan quickly left only to trip and fall over the banister that divided the hallway that led to the rooms to the front room underneath, keeping anyone from falling off the edge, like Logan.

"Logan!" I screamed as he disappeared over the ledge. I heard the guys yelling from downstairs and hurried to change. I threw on a pair of jeans and a red tee-shirt and dashed downstairs.

* * *

Two hours later I sat on a chair outside of Logan's room while the guys crowded in the tiny hospital room interrogating Logan. I only heard bits and pieces of their conversation, most of their voices muffled. I had came to the conclusion that they asked what caused him to fall over the edge when James yelled "YOU SAW MY GIRLFRIEND NAKED?!"

There was some laughter and chortles from the guys within the room, besides James and Logan. Logan who was too scarred and James pissed off and not finding it funny that some other guy saw his girlfriend in her underwear before him.

For even a brief moment I caught Carlos leaning out the door and casting me a look. I snapped my head towards him and he quickly disappeared. I rolled my eyes and put my head in my hands as I blushed furiously. I was going to hear about this for the rest of my life.


	27. Cover Girl

As I had suspected I got tormented the following weeks. Logan was in a full body cast and remained in the hospital, with the Mitchell's having none of the medical supplies needed to allow him to stay at home.

So I went to school with the rest of the guys and things were different between us, aside from being a man down.

Kendall and Carlos are to yet cease their fire on me, making jokes of "how lucky Logan is to get some action" and stuff like that. I usually just sit there with my head down, trying to seize the battle in my ears and keeping my tears in until I am alone.

James doesn't talk about it. He sometimes jokes with the guys but he's usually quite. He doesn't even defend me or himself. He's been oddly distant and I hate it. I know he's going to break up with me. What happened is above and beyond James' line and he doesn't want to handle the drama coming along with it. As soon as Logan appears back at school, that's it. Carlos and Kendall's banter will worsen and affect one other person. James wont be able to handle it and will break it off with me. One way or another, wither today or later, our relationship is going to end. Our relationship is a time bomb; already has a set time, just waiting it to near to end everything, including the surrounding heart its set on.

I was sitting at lunch with the guys one day in the middle of the school cafeteria. It was weird since we usually avoid the cafeteria at school, mainly because the boys are band from it for causing food fights.

"How can someone like that go out with a dork like him," Carlos was saying as he and Kendall admired Candy Matthews, a cheerleader who is basically a full time whore. Carlos has been going after her for months, even though I cant see why. Carlos is an amazing sweet person, when he's not picking on me. Why would he want to go out with someone like her? All she'll do is take advantage of him.

I would have said something but the subject was currently off me and I did not want to bring it back.

"Yeah how can you be going after a girl for months," Kendall starts. "And Logan isn't even chasing after a girl and he gets her down to her underwear."

My face flushed as I stared at the cold peas on my tray. Carlos chuckled and I heard the sound of skin being met; the guys high fived.

I was so sick of the teasing. I never under went tormenting like this since I got into high school, I was just ignored. But now I would give anything to be back in the shadows, alone, with no one bothering me or knowing I existed. Every jab Kendall threw stabbed me directly in the heart. And he didn't even know.

Anger boiled up in me so fast it took me by surprise. Tears filled my eyes, forcing to release by the pounding behind my eyeballs the headache made. Before I knew it I had my mouth open.

"Will you shut UP," I growled at Kendall. He was in the middle of talking to James when I spoke, not evening paying attention. Now all of their eyes were on me. But I didn't let that phase me.

I released my fork. "Stop teasing me and Logan about what happened! It wasn't his fault! It was my stupid mistake not to lock the door after I went in there to get dressed. Logan was just walking into his room, like he should be able to! I am tired of the teasing and tormenting and I can't take it anymore."

I balled up the napkin which was clenched in my fist and tossed it down. I pushed back in my chair as I grabbed my tray and turned towards the trash can. Instead when I turned around I was met with hundred of staring eyes all focused on me and the table. My lecture not only grabbed the attention of the boys, but everyone in the cafeteria.

I stopped, too stunned as if I were a deer in head lights. My face paled and my hands went clammy. I curled my fingers around the plastic tray tightly, using all my strength in hopes that the tray wouldn't slip out of my sweaty hands. I need to get out of there.

I gulped, doing my best to swallow the golf ball in my throat. I ducked my head down and walked quickly to the trash can where I dumped my tray and quickly exited the room.

In the empty hallway, I walked as far away from the cafeteria as fast as I could, bile rising in my throat. I concentrated on the squeaking of my sneakers against the shiny-no-matter-what-happens-to-them hallways floors. I counted each step_. 1, 2 ,3, 4, 5678._

I was confused with the sudden rush of numbers. I concentrated on my feet and was positive I wasn't running. Then I heard calling.

"Remy," James said as he caught up to me. His hand clamped down on my shoulder, turning me around, both of us stopped. I stared down at the tile next to him, not meeting his eyes. I didn't have to because he started talking anyways. "What was that?"

"What was what?" I asked. My voice was low, but stern. I looked up and met his eyes. He looked confused and hurt, along with the same monotone expression he wore since Logan went into the hospital.

"That," he said gesturing behind him.

"That was me taking a stand," I said, pushing his hand off of my shoulder. James looked confused for a second so I decided to elaborate, I was done. "I am sick and tired of being tormented and treated like garbage. Oh no, someone saw me in my underwear. Well guess what, I was showing the same amount of skin I would be showing if I was in bathing suit. If that were the case you would have no big deal. But no, an accident occurs without your blessing and you go all mute on us."

James stared back, not sure what to say. Good, I wasn't done.

"I may be insecure. I may be unsure of everything. I may be judged, and alone and worthless. But know what, everyone acts like its true. I am tired of it! I used to live in the shadows, and now by dating you, you think that you've brought me out," I shake me head. "But all I am is living in your shadow James. No one cares about me. And I'm. Sick. Off. It."

James face softened, his lips parted and the faintest sound came out. "Remy."

"No, Remy's done," I said. Tears started streaming down my cheeks. Fine. Unless I wasn't full on sobbing. Tears don't mean that you're weak, neither does crying. It is the sign that someone has been strong for too long. I may be weak on the outside and crumbling on the inside, but I'm still here. And that makes me strong.

James looked like he wanted to say more, but something caught his eye. Before I could react and dust it off, he had my arm and was clutching my forearm, bringing it closer to his face. "Why," he whispered, looking at the bandage on my arm. I could have lied and said it was a lot of things, but he would know as much as me that it was bull.

I tugged on my arm, trying to get it back but his grip was too strong. Looking at the bandage, his grip tightened. "How could you do this to yourself?" His voice had risen now, growing angry. I was pissed.

I yanked on my arm, this time getting it free. I backed away as I yelled, "Because I had nothing else James!"

"You had me!" He yelled. His face started turning red from the anger. He looked like he was about to pop and steam releasing from his ears and nostrils.

"I don't know if you have noticed James," I started. "But you haven't been the easiest person to talk to!"

"At least I was there!"

"Barely!" I yelled. "I needed you more than ever but you are too mad because your best friend saw your girlfriend in her underwear! I bet he hasn't said a damn thing about it, once. So why are you jealous? Why are you mad? Your girlfriend is still with you, your best friend, who is in the hospital, is not going after her. No your jealous because he's seen more than you ever had and will!"

At that I turned and stomped away.

* * *

I left everything at school, my book bag slung over my shoulder with the next periods books in it. Before leaving the school, I went to the nurses office and got a slip after lying about not feeling well. From how I looked, it must have been believable because she let me go.

On my way home I tried not to think about anything, feel anything. I stuck my hands in my pockets as I took my time walking home, trying to clear my head. I felt numb, like I was nothing inside and out.

I wanted it to end, I couldn't take it. I had thought about ending for a while. But every time I think about it, there's a voice in my head telling me to go on, that everything's okay and that it'll get better. I don't know what it is or why, I think it's that one string left, that one thing that's kept you mounted here for this long that whispers those words to you.

On nights when I couldn't take it I would lay on the bathroom floor, the cool tile under my cheek, and think about what would happen if I were to leave this life. Who would miss me? Who would notice that I was gone? Who would it affect? At first, it was the usual and obvious response: no one. My dad left me and I had no friends, no outside family, but there was one person who would notice all three: my mom.

My mom was devastated after my dad left, and things only got worse for her. But she held on. She held on all these years for me. She did everything for me. It would be selfish if I took everything she worked hard for all these years away. She lost my dad on account of his freewill, she couldn't those me from the same thing. All these years, I kept my mom going like she's kept me, and nothing has changed.

I laid there on the bathroom floor, the cold hard tile pressed against my face. I resorted this as a place of comfort. I hadn't been there in so long, thinking about ending it. I had stopped way before I met the boys. I found new things, temporary ties, that kept me going, like my job and the hope, the chance, of going to college and things getting better. Its been three years and almost three months since I laid there. I guess that was something to be proud of.

I laid on the floor flat on my belly and stared at the razor lying in front of it. I wanted to, oh so bad. But I couldn't. My mom has lost almost everything and finding out what I was doing would make her so disappointed. Even though in my state, the first thing to respond would be that I disappointed her. I may have disappointed everyone else, but my mom I am 100% sure I haven't disappointed, yet. I got perfect grades and stayed out of trouble. The only thing I have against me is the fresh cut on my arm from the day before.

My mom had lost Phil, I couldn't do anymore damage to her.

I sighed and got up off of the floor, picking up the razor carefully and tossing it in the can. I heard a knock on the door and knew imminently who it would be. Okay I had more than one choice but I knew for sure it was one of them. I didn't even care that I was going to face them as I bounded down the stairs. If they gave me shit, I had enough tension going through that I could punch them.

My number one guess was right as I opened the door and saw James standing there.

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice hoarse from yelling and crying.

James chewed his bottom lip as he looked at me. "I came to talk to you."

"About what?" I was quick to answer. I didn't want to keep this conversation going on for long. I was tired and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed.

"You," He said.

"Me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

James sighed. "Look I'm sorry for everything, okay? But this hasn't been the easiest on me."

"No duh," I mumbled, but felt kinda bad. He was here apologizing and looked so sincere. No Remy, no. Stay mad.

James didn't seem to hear me, which was good, it made me feel a little better. "I was just kind of shocked by the whole idea of Logan walking in on you changing. I guess that idea is worse than what actually happened, because you were right. It's not a bad as if you were in a swimsuit. And yes," James sighed, rolling his eyes. "I was jealous that he got more action than me."

"Are you going to break up with me?" I said it so suddenly. It was the only thing on my mind. Even though I knew the answer, I wasn't sure if it was true.

James sighed. "I've thought about it and was. But,"

"But?" I asked. If he was going to break up with me, then what made him change his mind?"

"I thought about that night at the lake when I first met you. You were so innocent and small and now," he ran his hand through his hair. "I think about what's different between then and now and besides some major things like Phil and Logan. . ." I nodded at this. "Nothing has changed. You haven't changed. But yet, you have. Your stronger and is gaining on us and to think what made you so defensive? What made this little deer turn into a mountain lion? But then the only answer is us. We've teased you and made fun of you and it made you stronger. And I do regret that we made that happen because it's not really good. To make someone so quiet become so mad and be able to have her voice heard because of how much you teased her, even it was playing around."

I wanted to slap him and hug him at the same time. As I listened to him I wondered if he had a chip in his ear with Logan on the other end telling him what to say. His words were too thought out and actually made sense.

"You've thought this out, haven't you?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Yeah," he stuck his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I said.

He shook his head. "You have nothing to apologize for. You were right."

"But it was uncalled for," I said.

We stood there in silence for a moment, not meeting one another's eyes. James looked up and met mine after a while.

"I wrote you a song," he said. I then noticed the guitar that was slung on his back, his backpack in his hand.

"Really?" I asked. I didn't mean to seem so enthusiastic but I forgave him and we apologized, things were good.

He nodded. "Do you want to hear it?" I nodded.

I moved aside so James could come in. I shut the door behind him and turned towards him.

"Where's your mom?" He asked, looking around the house.

"She's training some new girl at work," I said and started walking up the staircase. James followed behind me. "She's staying late to walk her through the job."

James made a noise signaling he got it as we walked to my room. We left the door open as we sat at the foot of my bed. James dropped his backpack to the floor and slung the guitar around so it was perched on his lap.

I watched him eagerly as he fixated the guitar and placed his hands on the strings.

He then started strumming. It was a catchy rhythm, not something that would be too slow but not necessarily fast. I fell in love with the music even before he started singing.

James opened his mouth and started singing the opening cords for the song:

"_I don't know why you always gets so insecure, I wish you could see what I see when you're looking in the mirror. And why won't you believe me when I say, that to me you get more beautiful, everyday."_

I have only heard James sing a handful of times. Usually it was followed by a fit of laughter because it was along to the radio and Carlos joined in. But I never heard him sit here and sing a full song.

Since my history sucks in the social department its pretty said that I have never had anyone write me a song, let alone sing it to me. Even though it was for me, I loved it still. Everything was perfect.

James caught my gaze and sung to me while holding my eyes with his. He sang the last cords and let the music drift. As the last of the song hung in the air I finally let a smile spread across my face.

"So, did you like?" James asked. He was so serious at that moment. His eyes filled with hope. He actually care if I liked it or not. Writing and singing this song for me not only meant the world to me, but it meant a lot to him.

I was happy being able not to lie as I opened my mouth and said, " I loved it."

James smiled and pulled the guitar strap over his head. He looked relieved, like he was hoping I would say I did. I couldn't imagine after having your boyfriend write and sing you a song, even after a big blowout, that, even if it sucked, you would have the heart to tell him it was no good.

James placed the guitar at the end of my bed, steadying it so It wouldn't fall. He turned his attention back to me not even a split second before I attacked him.

I launched myself at him, tackling him on the bed, making him lie back. I fell on top of him and wrapped my limbs around him like he was a tree and I was a koala. All the balancing he did was no use since guitar fell to the floor anyways when I tackled him. I pressed my face into his chest, breathing in his familiar scent and listening to the rapid beat of his heart. James chuckled as he wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair.


	28. Cookie Cutter Heart

**Mwahaha**

* * *

I had eventually made amends with the guys. James went off on them the following morning and everyone was silent for a week. Finally we got together and the guys stopped teasing me. Notice I said me and not we. Logan is still getting hell for it. I tried negotiating with them but it was either me or him. Even though I would have taken the shot, James would have never allowed it, especially with the healing scar on my wrist.

Everything went back to normal. And I was happy once again.

"So how are things going with my girl?" My mom asked. It was around noon, the morning sun disappearing from the windows as it rose up to the sky. She was in the middle of cutting cookies. Wax paper was rolled out in front of her in a smooth sheet she had rolled out with the rolling pin.

"I'm doing good," I answered, biting the pretzel I was eating. School was released out for spring break two days ago and since then I barely seen my mother during the day. While she was working I would go to Kendall's house with the rest of the guys so I wouldn't be left alone. "You know the same ol' same ol'. Carlos keeps trying to convince everyone unicorns are real; Logan denies it with following scientific facts; and James and Kendall wind up pushing both in the pool." I shrugged. "Nothing too crazy."

"Sounds like...fun," my mother said and we both laughed. "How are you and James?"

I blushed. It's not the question, which is defiantly an excuse to blush, but the way she said it. It made me cringe.

"We're good," I said. I popped another pretzel in my mouth and slowly chewed it. It wasn't a lie, me and James were good. But I didn't necessarily want to tell her all the gory details. Most of it seemed like stuff that should be kept between me and James, like the song. I didn't feel the need to tell her at that moment that I was in love with him and it was confirmed he loved me back. I didn't want to kiss and tell. It wasn't the right moment.

She turned around and faced me, raising an eyebrow. "Just good?"

I nodded and grabbed another pretzel. She looked skeptical and turned back to the cookies. At least for a fraction of a second that's what I thought she was doing. She dropped the cutters and wiped her hands on her apron as she walked over. She sat a bench across the table from me and popped her elbows on it.

"Alright, what's going on?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean whats going on between you and James?" She asked as if it were obvious. "Did you guys have sex?"

I choked on my pretzel. "What?!" I exclaimed, coughing up bits and pieces of it. "No! What would even make you think that?"

She shrugged. "You have been so secretive about your relationship that It's probably something you don't want me to know about."

She caught me there. I haven't really talked to her about the things going on between me and James. But it's not because I don't want to tell her.

I calmed down and folded my hands in my lap. No more pretzels. "No its nothing like that. I just-," I sighed. "I've never been in a relationship before, let alone this serious. I just don't know what I'm doing."

"Oh Remy," My mother sighed, reaching over the table. "Its okay not knowing what's going on. Relationships can be confusing. especially one that's seri-" she stopped and raised her eyebrows again. "How serious are we talking?"

I looked down at my hands and blushed.

"Remy," my mom dragged out my name in a warning tone.

I gulped. "James-"

"James what?" She was on to me. You would have thought I was confessing to murder.

I sighed. "James told me he loved me. And I said the same to him."

My mom froze in her spot, not even knowing what to say or do. She obviously wasnt expecting that. But before I could poke her to see if she was still alive, she grinned. Next thing I knew she was out of her seat and was wrapping me in a hug.

"Oh Remy!" She gushed. "Your first love!"

I laughed once and wrapped my arms around her. She pulled away and held me at arms length.

"I'm so happy for you!" She said.

"You are?"

"Of course," She said. She guided me back to the table and we both sat down. "I know things have been hard since your father left us. But with him here or not, that doesn't change how hard it was for you growing up. I'm really happy that you were able to find friends like the ones you have now and a boyfriend. When you first started dating James I was worried about it; that I would come home one day to see you crying after he broke your heart and I didn't want to see you like that again. But after hearing and seeing how happy he made you, I thought not to worry about it until that moment came. And that moment never came. I'm just happy that you're happy Remy."

"Oh mom," I said and hugged her. I was happy to have her understand and know everything.

"Now just remember to use protection," she said.

"Oh mom!" I said pulling away. "Not this talk."

"Oh yes this talk!" my mom said.

* * *

After having that very embarrassing conversation with my mom, I was finally able to escape to the park where I met with the guys.

"What's up Remy?" Kendall asked as I walked up to them.

"Yeah, why all you all red in the face?" Carlos asked.

"I really rather not talk about it," I mumbled and plopped down on a swing.

"It can't be that bad," Kendall said sitting on the swing next to mine. James took the other.

"You weren't there," I cried out.

Kendall and James laughed and I rolled my eyes. We then started swinging, James and Kendall got into a bet on who could swing the highest. After arguing over the results they went on to see who could jump the farthest. After almost breaking every bone in their body, James was proclaimed the winner. I hopped off and went over to them.

"congratulation winner," I joked and kissed him on the cheek.

"Hey where's Carlos?" Kendall asked. We all looked around for Carlos. A faint sound came in with the air, a melody playing in our ears. Kendall and James shared a look, their mouths dropping open.

"Hey we gotta go," James said to me.

"Like right now," Kendall said.

I nodded. "What's going on?"

"I'll tell you later. Promise." James said. He kissed my forehead and took off, following Kendall who was almost a yard away.

I sighed and shook my head, laughing a bit to myself as I started walking home.

The sun was almost set, half hidden behind the roofs of the passing houses. A cool breeze swept through the streets, sending goosebumps up my arms.

It was out. I was in love with James. James was in love with me.

I was shocked when I first heard him say it. I was shocked when I heard myself say it and knew it was true. James hasn't just told me he loved me, but he showed it through different occasions. I never really thought it was real, the bliss, the knowing that I was loved by someone other than my mother. I always thought of it as a dream. It didn't become reality until I told my mom.

The thought sent a giddy feeling through out my body, making me happy and jumpy. I was in love. I was loved. Love felt amazing. I loved love. everything about it. The word, the feeling. Love. Love. Love.

I skipped home with a smile on my face. Even though James basically ditched me. But they probably went to find Carlos, which was good because you would not believe the stuff that latino can get himself into in a short amount of time.

I took my time walking home. Near my street, I grew tired and stopped skipping, but the smile never faded from my face.

The sun was almost completely gone when I reached the front porch steps. I twisted the knob and walked through the door, shutting it behind me as I called to my mom. "Mom! I'm home!"

I didn't get an answer. But I heard voices. They were low, and hushed tones, spoken as if they were arguing. I furrowed my brows, confused as I slipped off my sweater.

I made my way to the kitchen, the glow from the light illuminating in to the living room. I tossed my jacket on the back of one of the chairs in the living room and cautiously walked to the kitchen.

My first initial reaction was that Phil was back. But I knew my mother wouldn't even allow him two inches near this house. But I still wasn't sure. My mind wandered some more. What if my mother was dead or tied up and the hushed voices were burglars or murderers?

I continued walking and stopped when I reached the kitchen. I stood in the doorway and two heads shot up. One belonged to my mother. She looked distressed and very unhappy. She clearly was not going to let the stranger get anything he wanted.

The second person was a man. He looked to be about in his forties with dark brown hair that was greying on the sides. He had a five o'clock shadow growing in around his face and sharp brown eyes.

"Remy darling hi," my mom said.

"Hi mom," I said cautiously. I had no idea who this man was or what he was doing here, but he was not making my mom happy. I felt uncomfortable. I knew something was wrong. "What's going on?" I asked. They exchanged glances and my mom sighed. I then started to catch on.

The man looked at me as if I were a surprise. But not as if myself was a surprise, but that it was actually me. I looked at him and found he looked familiar. I saw him some place recently. But where?

I stared at him for a moment, getting embarrassed as he stared back, offering me a smile. But I couldn't look away. Where was he from?

When he smiled it hit me like a hurricane. His eyes, his nose, the dimple by his right cheek.

Oh shit.

My stomach dropped as if I where on an elevator crashing to the ground. My heart stopped and jumped to my throat. No. It couldn't be. I didn't believe it one second. I was crazy. I shook my head, trying to shake the insane thought from my head. But when I opened my eyes and looked at him all I saw was myself. I didn't believe it until my mom spoke.

"Remy," she said softly. "Your father would like to talk to you."


	29. The Actions of an Abandoner

I was frozen, absolutely paralyzed.

My father-

My father was here. After all these years he finally showed up. And he wants to talk to me.

Everyone was silent as they gave me time to process this.

My father stands up. "Remy, it's so good to see you-" I gaiedn control of my muscles and put my hand up, stopping him in his tracks and words. His face consorts into an expression of shock, then he purses his lips and puts his hands up in surrender. "I know its been a while."

"No shit," I said.

"Remy!" My mother warned. I narrowed my eyes at my father and leaned over him to look at my mother. She had a look fo displease on her face, but her eyes told me if she didn't have to be the mature one, she would have allowed it. I was basically getting a high five through a gaze. "Your father would like to talk to you."

"Yes, I would," my father said.

They stared at me, awaiting a response. I'm wasn't really sure what I wanted. I should be happy that my father was here, standing in front of me. But he left us, abounded us. I didn't really want to talk to him or anyone right now. I wanted to sort this out first. Do some homework maybe, get my head to think about anything but this situation. But that wasn't going to happen.

During my hesitation, my mother shot me a warning look, my fathers face fell. I clenched my jaw, and through gritted teeth said, "Sure."

My father smiled and guided me to the table. I took a seat next to my mother, away from my father. My mom scooted her chair over so we could all get a good view of each other.

"So Remy how are you?" My father asked like it was the most casually thing ever. Like he didn't just appear out of no where by surprise years later after he walked out.

"I've been a lot better," I shot.

"Remy," My mother basically growled. I took a deep breath.

"Well I guess we shall get down to business," my father said smoothing out his shirt. Him and my mother kept casting each other looks. My mothers face paled and her eyes became watery, yet she remained a stance as such not allowing anything to knock her down.

I looked back and forth between them, trying to read their expressions. "Whats goings on? What business is there to get down on?"

My mother sighed and my father turned to me. I became worried.

"I'll guess I'll tell her," my father said. "Remy, I want you to come live with me."

The silence that followed his words was enough to hear a pin drop in my closet.

"What?" I breathed out.

My mom put her face in her hands and my father cleared his throat. "I've been thinking and what I would really like is for my daughter to come live with me. I haven't seen you in years and I've grown to miss you. We have a nice little house on Lake Superior and one in Malibu. From what I heard your mother isn't very financially stable, so I decided it might be best to give you a break."

But then again, with my response, you couldn't hear a pin drop if it happened right by your ear.

"You have got to be KIDDING ME!" I roared.

"Remy," my mother said softly, trying to calm me down.

"I haven't seen you in years!" I stood up abruptly, pushing my bench over. It clattered to the floor backwards behind me, but no one gave it a thought. "You didn't just leave us, you abandoned us! You left us without even another word, no other thought! Now you just decide you want me? Its been almost ten years, and now you think? Why? Oh I know! The we! You want a happy family! Well guess what? You can go play family all you want without me! There is no way I am moving to some stuck up suburban town with the father who left me all alone. I am not leaving the things that make me happy. And like hell I am going to abandoned mom like you did eight years ago!"

Everyone was too stunned to even speak. Before they could compose, I shook my head and stalked out.

Once out of the kitchen, I took off and went to my bedroom. I bolted the door and slid down, bawling. After all this time...

He left us for no reason and went and started a happy family excluding us, with some other woman. And now he wants me? I spent years building up my happiness just now to have it all come true. I'm not going to throw it away for some no good father who suddenly wants his daughter.

He could have just came here to say hi or something, but no. He shows up to our house trying to get me back and expecting I'll go. Dick head.

"Remy," I heard him call. It was faint, he was still downstairs, but not for long. I couldn't be here when he reaches the hall upstairs. I couldn't look at any of them right now. I needed to think this through, alone. For once I needed some alone time.

I quickly rubbed the tears from my face and got up. I couldn't use the front door so I'll have to use my window. My good sweatshirt was downstairs, and no way was I going back down there. I was using a window as my exit so forget the downstairs sweater. I quickly searched for a sweatshirt and spotted one on my dresser. It was one of James's. It was his school hockey one, even though he prefers to wear varsity jacket, he gave me his sweatshirt. I slipped on the jacket and flew open the window, carefully crawling out. I balanced myself on the nearest branch and praying that I wouldn't fall, quickly hopped on it and hugged the tree. With my limbs wrapped around the trunk, I breathed, and closed my eyes, trying to calm down. Then I focused on getting down. One limb at a time.

Once I got low enough to the ground I was able to jump off without breaking any bones. My ankles stinging from the impact, I took off down the street. I had no idea where I was going, but you don't have to know a destination to find one.

I found myself at the park and sat down on the grass near the pond. The ice was all gone and melted into green pond water now. I wanted anything to forget about what happened and to go back to when everything was simple. Okay nothing in my life was ever simple, but it was more simple this dramatic my-fathers-reappearance crap.

I laid back on the grass and closed my eyes, wishing to be whisked away to a much simpler time. Like me and James's first date at his secret lake. Or the time I went over for a bonfire at Kendall's house and almost died. Or baking cookies with them. Any time. Anytime that isn't now.

I found my heart growing sore, a need to see them again. But I couldn't let them see me like this. Yet, I grew yearning to not want to be alone anymore.

The emotion spread like wildfire throughout my body. I then became very lonely. I couldn't' keep this inside. No, I couldn't go through this alone. If I did, not only would I go crazy, but I'm pretty sure the guys will have my butt if I chose myself over them. I rather not deal with that. Besides, once my parents see I'm gone, they'll most likely search for me and ill be even more stuck if I'm out here in the open alone.

My parents,

My emotions squeezed at my heart and I sniffed. I took off running out of the park and towards the only person I know who would understand.

* * *

I took the time for him to answer the door to catch my breath. I was a full on wreck between gasping for air and sobbing. It was all too much for me, I couldn't handle it. I needed help.

The door opened and Kendall appeared, his eyebrows immediately furrowed at the sight of me.

"Remy?" He said, confused. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head, a tear gliding down my cheek. I struggled for words but I couldn't wrap my head around it. This couldn't be true, it had to be a nightmare. My life was a living nightmare.

"What's going on?" Kendall asked growing concerned. "Remy, what's the matter?"

I found my voice enough to squeak out, "My father."

Kendall un-furrowed his eyebrows a bit, but still looked concerned. "I'm sorry Remy, I know he hurt but you just gotta-"

I shook my head, stopping him.

"No," I whispered. "He's here."

That sure got his attention.

"What do you mean he's here?" Kendall said. he acted as if I wasn't telling the truth, as if this was some big joke. Trust me, I wish I was kidding.

"After you and James left and I went home, I found my mother sitting in the kitchen with this strange yet familiar man who I was told, and is obviously, my father," I said and began sobbing.

"C'mere," Kendall said and wrapped me in a hug. For a while we just stood there. He wasn't my boyfriend, but Kendall was my best friend and his hugs were equally comforting.

Once I felt safe knowing I was with one of the boys, one of my saviors, I calmed down and sniffled. Kendall pulled away, but held me at arms length.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He wasn't expecting an honest answer so I wasn't going to give him one.

"I'll be fine," I said and sniffled.

"So what happened after that?" He asked. "After you found he was, you know, your dad?"

I sighed and started crying again. Kendall kept me there while I re-composed myself. I took a deep breath and willed myself to stop crying long enough to speak.

"He said," I hiccupped. "That he missed me and that he has a house on a lake and in California. He said he wanted me to come live with him."

Kendall became a statue. He didn't even blink. This shocked him as much as it shocked me. I could only imagine how my mother felt. The man who abandoned her alone to take care of herself and her daughter comes back years later wanting to take the only thing that mattered to her away.

Kendall came back to life, emotionless, and asked, "What did you say?"

I shrugged. "I said a lot. But basically I told him hell no."

Kendall grinned and hugged me. During the embrace, I became tired and sagged in his arms, allowing my guard down and started crying again. This time I didn't try to stop myself, and neither did Kendall.

"Shh," he cooed. He held me tighter and started rubbing my back, whispering soothing words. "It's gonna be okay.

"I-cant-do-this-anymore." I sobbed in his shoulder. I couldn't hold on anymore, I was losing myself. But luckily I had many hands to catch me when I fell.

"Don't worry," Kendall said to me. "You'll get through this. We'll get through. We'll all get through this together."

I couldn't answer, so I just nodded into him. He gave me one more encouraging squeeze before letting me go.

"Alright," he said. He guided me inside and shut the door. He led me to the kitchen where he dropped me off at a chair and went around to making me hot chocolate. Water on the stove, he grabbed his phone, and while dialing spoke to me. "I'll call you boyfriend first so he doesn't murder me. But then, I'm calling everyone in order for an emergency special meeting."

And for once since I got home, I gave what could pass as a smile.


End file.
